Parallels of the Carrie’s.
While out for lunch today with friends, we were talking about the new Sex and the City movie, which none of us have yet to see but all want to. In this discussion, one of them (a male who watches SATC!) compared to the Carrie Bradshaw.
Okay, besides the name thing, it’s a total coincidence that she’s a writer with blonde curly hair who dates all the wrong men. Otherwise, you’d think that Candace Bushnell was writing about me when she wrote her book. I guess I never realized that I had anything major in common with the character until today even though I have loved the show for a while now.
It got me to thinking though.
We all know that Carrie goes back to Big in the last episode of the series, and obviously from the previews of the movie, they’re planning on getting married. I’ve always gunned for them to be together, in a serious monogamous relationship, because I think they quite compliment each other. But they always had obstacles in their way. Wives, ex-wives, boyfriends, their own stubbornness, fear of being hurt, etc. It was always something.
And now I know. TM is my Big. He’s the one who is always the guy who I come back to. Always the one that I forgive. Always the one that knows me better than anyone. Always the one who can make me smile even though he was the reason I cried too many times. Always the one who I will love forever and ever (and EVER!). And the one relationship that should be the easiest, but still, it has the most obstacles too.
It’s ridiculous how twisted my heart is around him. Sure, right now we are just friends (as anyone who reads this regularly knows). But who am I kidding? Can I just be friends with him? Strictly friends, without any other feelings coming into play. No. I can’t. There’s always something stronger there for him, even if it isn’t acted upon. He’s the constant that I have. No matter who I date or care about, he’s the one who is always constantly holding a piece of me. I’ve tried harder than anything to make that go away, but what a waste of time that was. So, no, we aren’t just friends. But we aren’t in a relationship either.
Right now, I’m not expecting anything to happen. I’ve learned that expectations and getting my hopes up only puts a strain on things. Relationships don’t work with strains.
A few friends (who I might add don’t have the best relationship records themselves) think that I am stupid for even talking to him again after all that happened. Maybe they are right, but I don’t care. It’s not their life, or their heart, and I have never run to them when things have gone wrong anyway. I deal with things by myself usually when it comes to him, except for what Kristi gives me advice on.
Either way, things with him are on the right track. No arguing or bitterness makes everyone happy.
I wish you the best in your relationship. I have those same things that go on in my heart, but it is toward my husband..let me explain. Our relationship before we married was a bit bumpy. He wasn’t sure about getting married “again” and I was afraid of giving my heart to anyone. So we both pulled away, then pulled together. It was like a dance that the two of us danced out on a daily basis. Finally we took the plunge and got married. And, he is my best friend, my lover, my rock, but we still do that same dance at times. There are those moments when i am unsure, we are both insecure or he is strong and I am weak. There are moments when our passion is palpable to anyone in the room and days when we are more like roomates. The beauty of all of it is that we are together, come what may, and for good. We have learned that, like Big and Carrie, that dance is just us. It is who we are and we have gotten to a point where we understand it. I think that is how it is with your guy too! Only the two of you understand it and that’s how it will always be. Other’s will always question the reasoning behind your relationship and what it is that pulls you together. But if you are like my husband and I there isn’t anything that can truly pull us apart. We are fused together. It’s an uncommon but magical love. Good luck to you.
I think you are doing what’s right. Something is pulling you two together and I do believe he has grown up quite a bit since you two broke up and I think that is key to why you two are getting along so much better.
As for my advice as opposed to what your friends there think — they see you more, but maybe you don’t express so much in person as we do through email, text, and phone since we both have been there, done that same sort of thing with the bad men in our life and that one guy we keep going back to and that’s something we share in common and for so many others find hard to understand.
I’m glad you are happy with TM and I look forward to hearing more where this goes. I believe he is happy too which makes everything good for the both of you.