Archive for April, 2009

April 29, 2009

Eyes flutter, chest heaves.
Exhaustion finally wins.

(goodnight, darlings.)

April 27, 2009

la la la.

I am gearing up for another busy week. Work will be crazy, I’m sure, because I am hoping to have some down time. It never turns out the way I think it will. I do have to redesign the volunteer brochure so that should keep my time occupied for the most part. Oh, and then there is that ConnectNow meeting that will take up most of Wednesday. I actually love those meetings though. You learn a lot about the library in one afternoon.

This weekend was a blast. The old crew from high school went out. The first time we have all hung out since before I was injured! And it was like nothing had changed. I have the best friends ever. I won’t go all into why because it turned out to be a very long and crazy night, but they are just great. I have a few pics, but none that are worth showing. We all were too plastered to take a decent one at the same time. Thankfully Benny was sober enough to drive home.

19 days til graduation. It’s so close!

April 25, 2009


I don’t think I have ever been so ready for summer to be here. Winter was relatively short this year, but still I missed warm weather and opportunities for fun outside things.

April 20, 2009

You can see it in the eyes.

April 20, 2009

There are days when maybe I don’t doll up, put a bunch of makeup on, or do my hair all up. But still I feel beautiful.

Today was one of those days. It’s amazing what another person can make you feel.

April 20, 2009

slow, slow.

I come to the library with the intention of getting so much work done, checking so many things off of the to-do list, but it never turns out quite the way I plan. This place is cold, even when it’s so nice outside, and it makes my concentration float above me, never quite seeping into me like it should. How can anyone get anything done when they are shivering the whole time?

Only a little over 3 weeks left to go, and I am dealing with a major case of senioritis. I’m 2 tests and 1 paper away from a diploma, and it just seems too easy to forget about what still needs to be done. Way too easy. I’m at my “I-don’t-care-just-let-it-be-overwith-already” stage of the semester. It’s the last time I’ll ever have to feel this way about college. Undergad, anyway.

(I just saw a guy wearing a hoodie so now I know I’m not crazy about it being freezing in this place.)

April 18, 2009

Another truth.

April 15, 2009


I hate Manhattan. It’s home to the K-State Wildcats and everything I hate about that school and that mascot. It’s what I get for being a hardcore Jayhawk fan for my entire life.

But if Manhattan is where I have to be to see Jordan, then I guess that’s where I’ll go.

People always say the best way to get over a guy is to find a new one. True? In this case, yes. I couldn’t have met Jordan at a better time. I have to admit that my confidence was shaky from the Chad situation, and I was not looking for any kind of fun with a guy on the night I met him. I was so not looking. My friends and I were at the Buckcherry, A7x, Papa Roach concert, and he offered to buy me a beer. At first, I thought “How cliché, a beer.” But I let him buy me one anyway. There it started.

Now he’s got me smitten.

I’m not going to write too much, just that he’s a good guy, because frankly, you all probably don’t care. And normally this isn’t me. I don’t go from really liking one guy right into liking another. I’m used to being by myself. So this is sort of new for me too.

All I know is that he makes me feel like I haven’t felt in a very long time, more than any guy has done in at least a year. Chad? Chad who?

April 12, 2009

as it unfolds.

Tulips, April 9, 2009

I was going to attempt to put up a video today, of Makinna and Tink running around, as practice, but as my luck would go, I have the wrong cord for the DV camcorder I have. Best Buy is closed for Easter so we’ll just have to push back any video projects for the week. It’s funny how one little hassle just makes the whole idea not worth doing. I’m not sure exactly what content I’d put into a video project anyway. My life is not quite exciting enough to record it in such a way regularly. But I’ll try and we’ll see what happens. Maybe I’ll surprise myself.

In the meantime, I’ve spent the last few days reading. Any student can probably attest that college doesn’t leave time for much recreational reading. It’s all about the textbooks during the semester. Thankfully for me, things are smooth, and I am only 2 papers and 2 tests away from being a college graduate. The papers are written through the first draft and need some tidying up, but basically I am done. So free time is mine. I started Girl with a Pearl Earring last night and finished it this morning. It’s not the biggest book or the most difficult to read, but I think that it is the fastest time I have ever finished one. Now I am working on The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. It’s about a man who had a stroke and is completely paralyzed with the exception of his left eyelid, but his cognitive functions are completely normal. It’s, for lack of a better word, fascinating. He tells his story so realistically, and the emotion is overwhelming at times. Maybe it is because so many points he makes could be so perfectly matched to my own thoughts.

The anniversary of my accident is approaching, and with so many other things going on this year, especially good things, I almost forgot how close it really is. Last year was hard for me. I mean, 5 years sounded like forever at the time. The 4-year mark wasn’t as bad. I’m hoping this one, 6 years, will be smooth sailing again. In the book, Jean-Dominique Bauby says something that relates so well to me, and I think it’s something that maybe I’ll never get out of my system. He says “Rarely do I feel my condition so cruelly as when I am recalling such pleasures. Luckily I have no time for gloomy thoughts.” It makes more sense in the context he is talking about, but it is such a true statement and could apply to anyone who has had any life-changing situation, I suppose. I wouldn’t miss running if I didn’t remember what the ache afterward felt like. I wouldn’t miss close hugs if they hadn’t been so important before. Get it? If all that had been erased along with my ability to walk, maybe wheeling around wouldn’t be so frustrating sometimes. It’s the things I used to do, things I miss that makes my good life now seem not as good as it could be.

I’m not whining right now, not sad, nothing like that. Just reflecting I guess. Weird things, like anniversaries, get me thinking about stuff.

April 10, 2009

random thought.

I’m thinking about starting to do a few vlogs in between all these words on my blog. I have good video software and think it might be fun. But I just have to find the time!

April 9, 2009

and closer still.

It’s getting closer and closer, and the closer it gets, the more I am scared. It’s scary to figure out what comes next. If the library doesn’t hire me (which I am still patiently crossing my fingers for), then a job might just have to wait until after I come back from Colorado in July. There really isn’t much sense in being hired at a new place and then asking for a week off for a vaca and week full of doctor appointments. Plus maybe a month or two of relaxation would do some good, give me some time to gear up for the real life.

We’ll see. All I know is that in 37 days, a whole chapter of my life is coming to a close, and I am going to be forced to make decisions about where to go from there. Maybe growing up isn’t so much fun after all.

April 6, 2009


April 5, 2009

Happiness is…

-my nieces and nephews
-my family
-my friends
-sunny days
-being loved
-Grey’s Anatomy
-vintage anything
-Dr Pepper
-pretzels and cheese
-my iMac
-office supplies
-nail polish
-Tootsie Rolls
-ink pens
-fluffy pillows
-chick flicks
-Converse All-Stars
-text messages
-meetings at work
-being appreciated
-helping others
-kisses & hugs
-beautiful sunsets
-emotional quotes
-being creative
-bad reality television

April 2, 2009


April 2, 2009

It’s all I really need to do,
even though being scared of the answer
is what keeps holding me back.