Archive for August, 2009

August 23, 2009


My dreams are weird again.

Dustin, who is fascinated by the subconscious and what it says about us, has been encouraging me to research the meanings of my dreams further, and I put it off until last night. While I have always thought that dreams are in fact somehow directly connected to our daily life, I didn’t think it was so much that it would make a difference. I was wrong.

The dreams I have had lately, more than chasing dreams, are bridge and river dreams. It’s always the Topeka Blvd bridge, and in 3 of the 4 dreams I have had about it, I am crossing either in the water or on a boat. In the first, I was walking across, and it was very unstable.

According to three different sites and a book on the meanings of dreams, bridges symbolize decisions that we are finding hard to make, or overcoming a life-changing obstacle. Some could mean that we are trying to come to a compromise with an emotional aspect of our life.

It fits, for sure. With the entire graduating, looking for a job, (slowly) looking for a house/apartment, relationship situation that is my life right now, I should be dreaming about bridges every night all night. I have had to make a lot of decisions, important ones, and the others are just boggled in my brain.

All day today I have felt that I just need to be more assertive in these things of my life, every single aspect. I need to say the things I want to say and do the things I want to do. Right now, not whenever I get around to them.

I think I found my newest hobby though. Thank you to Dustin.

August 22, 2009

beautiful baby.

Isn’t he?!

Dayton is now 9 weeks old, and he is such a good baby. He hardly ever cries so Lindsay and Todd got really lucky in that sense. I can’t wait to see him grow.

August 16, 2009


There are days when things are hard,
days that are heavy on my heart,
and I have to push through tears and rage
and past resentments that swell in me
to get to a place where things can feel okay again.

But those days are far outnumbered by days
when I am thankful for the wisdom and strength
I am now starting to grow into.

August 14, 2009

this is us.

Friendship isn’t being inseparable. It’s being separated and knowing that nothing will change.

Maria and I, birthday party 2009

For all the years that Maria lived away from Topeka, I was missing something. And that something, I have come to realize, is someone that I can tell absolutely everything to without having any fear of judgment. It’s good to talk about stuff with her instead of always figuring it out on my own. I missed having that kind of best friend, someone who understands all the small crises in my life because she is right there, experiencing them with me. Someone who asks me for advice because I know all her crises too. Someone that is close enough to party and make a fool of myself with and then laugh about it the next day. Someone who isn’t afraid to call me out on stuff.

I don’t know what I’d do without that girl.

August 12, 2009

15 books.

Fifteen books you’ve read that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes. Tag 15 friends, including me because I’m interested in seeing your fifteen too.

1. The Little Prince by Antoine Saint-Exupery.
On my 18th birthday, in the hospital, my OT, Ina, gave me this book with a little note written inside about finding wisdom in this children’s book. I didn’t even read it until a year later, but it has been one of the most meaningful books I’ve ever read. I’m not ashamed to say it made me cry.

2. The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien
I could read this 500 more times and still love it.

3. The Witches by Roald Dahl
When I was little, I loved using my imagination. Roald Dahl was one my of my favorites to get my imagination buzzing. I like the books better than the movies.

4. The Heart is a Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers
I mostly love the title of this book more than the actual story.

5. The Man who Loved Clowns by June Rae Wood
This was the first book that “moved” me as a kid. I need to read it again.

6. Valentines by Ted Kooser
I love his poems, and one in particular in this book called Pocket Poem still gives me a warm feeling.

7. A Separate Peace by John Knowles
This book is the reason I want my far-in-the-future son to be named Phineas. It has such character and strength in it.

8. I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell by Tucker Max
I HATED this book. That’s the only reason it’s on this list. I heard there is some sort of movie being released based on him/his life, and it’s disgusting to me that our society thinks a womanizing, arrogant man is worth spending their money on. (end rant).

9. In Cold Blood by Truman Capote
I stayed up very late one night reading this, and went into the kitchen to get a glass of water. My nieces lifesize Dora was sitting in a chair in the dining room. It basically scared the beegeezus out of me and I’ll never forget it.

10. Phenominal Woman by Maya Angelou
It’s powerful because she just speaks truth.

11. Beautiful Boy by David Sheff
The story of a father and his drug-addicted son. Similarities with my family, for sure.

12. A Rip in Heaven by Jeanine Cummins
Another true murder story that made my cry, and made me scared. I think my trust of strangers was shaken after reading this.

13. The Crucible by Arthur Miller
Hard to believe that people actually were put to death for being witches.

14. James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
Just another great imagination one. And surprisingly, the movie didn’t disappoint me.

15. Succulent Wild Woman by SARK.
A friend sent this to me when I was going through a really confusing time in life, and it gave me the huge confident boost I needed. Plus I loved the way the way she wrote it with markers instead of on a computer screen.

August 10, 2009


Surprise birthday parties are fun, I found out this weekend. Here’s the random things I can tell you:

I have a hair tie that isn’t mine but am missing the 2 I had when I arrived.
Maria accidentally took my camera, and I almost cried because I thought I lost it.
Maria changed out of her skirt after about 3 minutes.
30 people standing on the street corner isn’t suspicious at all.
Best lasagna ever.
Tequila shots, enough said.
I didn’t get home until 6 am.
I chased a Cadillac down the street for no reason.
I didn’t cry all night!
And I didn’t get in any arguments either.
Drunk texts were held to a minimum–and to the only person I didn’t really wanna text at all!
I am glad I didn’t lose my favorite lipgloss.
I spilled approximately 5 beers on me total.
I only slept about 5 hours and woke up still drunk.
Kelley got me presents–stuff that I write about on my Facebook status. So thoughtful.
The police weren’t called amazingly.
The sidewalk was full of motorcycles, and apparently someone was doing burn outs in the road.
Man, we found out some blackmail material on a few drunks!
The rest of the pictures are hilarious and never gonna be seen.
I lost my mood ring.
I kissed a boy I’ve known since I was 8 years old. So should have done that.
The hangover was awful, and I’m still exhausted.

Now for pictures.
Family picture. Plus Maria, of course.

Masterminds, Darcy and Maria.

Tim, Darcy, and I. He loves his little sisters, obviously.

August 6, 2009


Arrived in a nice little package, 8 in all in fact,
bottled and ready to gauge.
For me?

That smile and a wink,
and I swooned,
fell harder, flew higher,
and became a believer
all in the span of seconds.

It was the stupidest
moment of my life.

Or at least,
for that day.

August 2, 2009

Oh, August.

I have waited for you for so long. You are my favorite, by far, of all twelve months. Birthdays, fun, kids going back to school, sales, and just a sense of summer at its peak.

I love you.

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