Archive for September, 2009

September 27, 2009

official nerd.

I’m on a book high this week. After reading three (okay, well 2 and a half at the moment) this week, I made another trip to the library this morning before I came home to watch my KC Chiefs get stomped by Michael Vick and his Philadelphia Eagles. I was more than excited to see that they had acquired some new Charles Bukowski poetry (Thad, the materials selector, must be able to read my mind!). I also picked up a few fiction books, including The Alchemist, which I have been putting off reading. Sometimes when a book is so hyped, it leaves me expecting more than it delivers, and I’m not much of a fan of disappointment (which should keep me from watching the Chiefs games at all this season, but I still hold out hope for them!).

I wheeled myself toward the checkout counter with 10 mostly-thick books on my lap. I am sure I looked quite ridiculous. Or like an official book nerd.

And I am okay with that.

I’m off to read, darlings.

September 25, 2009


My dad, for some reason or another, decided to let two sweet potatoes grow in little jars, and the vines are wrapping around the beams on the porch now. Is this just a Midwest thing? Or do other people do this too?

September 24, 2009

first times.

I have been in the painstaking process of doing something different to my room. Again. I can never decide, and I always am thinking of new places to put things. Since we had the garage sale, I cleared out a lot of stuff, and with my huge bookshelf gone, my room looks (and feels!) so much bigger. I have also been going through lots of old stuff that is kinda sentimental or saved for some unknown reason. I found a whole box of old letters (or rather, my brothers found them in the attic) and was amazed at some of the stupidity that my friends and I used to waste our time writing notes about. Ah, high school. I found the sweet letter Lindley wrote to me after our senior winter Semi-formal, and I found all the notecards that ever came with any flowers I ever got. I found the ultimate hate letter that I wrote to TM after I decided that I couldn’t hate a person more than I hated him. I can’t believe some of the awful things I said in it!! (I’m so glad that I never gave it to him too, because we have a strangely good friendship now.) And I found this that was also written about him:

the first time he spoke to me,
we were at his cousin’s wedding.
he already knew where I worked
and he wasn’t shy about letting me know.

the only thing I remember about him that night
was the glowing white of his adidas shoes.
his face was a blank until he showed up a week later
in my drive-thru window in his too-loud chevy
and charmed himself into my head
and his number into my phone.

the first time I held his hand
we were walking in the dark
across the west ridge parking lot on a cold night
on our way to see a movie, our first date.
he laughed as I slipped my hand into his
because I’ll admit, I was trying to be slick.

the first time I kissed him we were in his parents’ basement
and his 9-year-old nephew just beat me at pool.
I remember just what he said to coax me close,
knowing I never turn down a dare
and love to prove people wrong.
“you’re scared, anyway.”
I wasn’t scared, and I made my point.

the first time we ever sang together was
in my old blue grand am, with the shaky wheels
and 15-inch kicker sitting securely in the trunk.
disturbed “down with the sickness”
it was our song. it was loud, just like us.

the first time he met my parents,
it was only for a few minutes, just like I had hoped it would be.
he was nervous, I was petrified they might not approve.
I lied and said we were running late.
we escaped.

the first time I told him I loved him,
we could see the whole city and all of its lights.
I was cheesy and crying,
but he said it back.
it was the first time I meant it.

the first time we fought and he made me cry,
I hated him for it, for breaking my toughness,
and forgave him as soon as he hugged me.

every time I was ever around him,
he just made it that much better.
now every time I miss him,
I miss all the good firsts we ever had.

September 20, 2009

come and gone.

she came with a purpose,
a mission for her night,
a determination that she hadn’t felt
in such a long time.

she left without anger and resentment,
leaving it all right there on the table,
sitting right out in front of him
next to the full glass of Bud Light,
that his dark eyes stared down into.

she left lighter,
with her back to the hurt
that she had tried to rid herself of for so long.
she left the things she said
still ringing in his ears, burning in his chest.
she left with the realization that now,
she wasn’t hurting, but he was.

she left, as a different person than before,
with less of who she was
and more who she wanted to be.

September 13, 2009

worlds of fun.

Amusement parks were my thing before I was injured. I was/am a total adrenaline junkie, and rollercoasters were the biggest thrill. The bigger the drop, the loopier the loop, the happier I was to ride.

Then I just had to go and break my neck. Adrenaline rushes aren’t the same after you’re paralyzed, unless you’re about the go over backwards in your wheelchair and crack your head on concrete or something similar to that.

So when Tim got tickets for all of us to go to Worlds of Fun, I was less than excited. Spending a day with the family isn’t so bad, but I hadn’t been back to an amusement park in 6+ years. I could just imagine watching everyone run around and have fun while I watched the kids. To be honest, I was almost dreading how depressed it was going to make me feel. Sometimes things that are supposed to be the best time in the world only remind me of the things that I loved and can’t do (or do the same way, anyway). And sometimes that just sucks.

I was wrong about this one though, I’ll admit. I had a lot of fun actually. We laughed and played games and ate awesome amusement park funnel cakes and had a great time. And I even rode a rollercoaster! Of course I knew I would, but then they dared me. And rarely, very rarely, do I ever turn down a dare. I was scared about my legs and the fact that I can’t exactly brace them, and even though they were kind of flying around (which scared the crap out of my niece and sister), it was fine.

That’s me on the end, with the Chucks and long jeans. lol.

The little girls, Serenity, Kendall, and Makinna.

Caleb with the Snoopy and Lucy (?). He wouldn’t leave without a picture.

Caleb and Serenity rode a few rides of their own, and they both LOVED them, even the little rollercoaster.

Matt, Jeremy, and Chandler rode the Ripcord. Crazy!

Serenity and I. Can ya tell it was a long, exhausting day??

September 6, 2009

I have again slacked off in the posting department, and as much as I want to write, I just feel like lately my life is slightly slipping into a boring routine of nothing. There’s nothing new to report, nothing particularly exciting to say. It’s not that I have absolutely nothing to say because I do, but it’s stuff that nobody probably would want to read about.

The job hunt is slow, still. I’m so uninterested in it, as you can tell. I’m waiting to hear from a woman who works at the Holidome to see if I got a position there, but I’m really indifferent as to whether I want to work there. I’ve heard a few stories that are less than great about some of the management.

I’ll try to keep up better, but I’m not going to make any promises!