see through me.

I finally got them. My x-rays from my stay at Craig Hospital. I imagined a long lengthy process of paperwork ahead of me when I first decided that I wanted my own copies of them, so I put if of until a few days ago. I was wrong, and it took only 3 days to receive the cds full of images in the mail.

I still can’t believe that I actually went through such an injury and hospitalization sometimes. It’s like I was there for it all, but I have distanced myself from it to a point that I don’t feel like that girl was me. I thought maybe I’d be upset looking at the x-rays again, but truthfully I felt nothing. Zip. Nada. Zero.

In the past year, I have emotionally grown and let a lot of things finally go, like the relationships I lost because of this injury. I blamed it for a lot of loss I felt, but I have come to see that those relationships most likely would have ended without any help. Truthfully, the friendship I had with the driver wasn’t stable at the time, and whether I like to admit it or not, we probably wouldn’t be best friends right now anyway. I can’t blame her for that anymore than I can blame myself. Life is just life. I think a lot of my anger was misdirected, and letting it go really has lightened my life in a lot of ways. The resentment was eating me alive, not anyone else. I’m glad I can be rid of it.

Front. Titanium plate, 4 screws to hold it in place, plus a piece of my hip bone to replace my shattered C6 vertebre.

Side. Yes, those are screws in the back of my head too. I also had 2 in the front in my forehead. They kept the halo in place to heal my broken C2.

Entire halo x-ray. I wore it for 3 months, and they would tighten the screws every week because they would often get loose and slip along my skull. Torture contraption disguised as a medical brace. As much as I hated it, I was scared to have it taken off (which they did with normal screwdrivers while I was awake!) because I didn’t want that C2 to accidentally move or something.

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