Archive for August, 2010

August 31, 2010

dearest readers,

if it makes you feel better–
I don’t know you
and I love you just the same.

We’ve communicated only through words
typed on our screens,
exchanging LOLs and blogs,
exposing vulnerable parts of ourselves.

I know only what you want me to.
Still I think I’d consider you a friend,
one I wish I could treat to morning coffee
and sugared laughs
over scrawled Moleskine pages full
of words and lines, feelings and tears,
edits and re-edits.

It’s easy to share
when what I share
is appreciated.

And it’s easy to read
when what you write
is real.

August 28, 2010

there is no place like home.

Silverthorne, Colorado August 2010

Sometimes it’s good for you to get away. A change of scenery, a change of people, something fresh and calming. It’s also really good to get back home and know that you need to appreciate the things and people that you see and feel and love every other day.

The getting home part is just as good as the getting away this time.

August 26, 2010


When in masquerade,
know that life is the same.
Nobody is ever
who they say they are.

Bright colors,
masks of glitter, bouncy gowns,
feathers, time, and effort.
It’s all what they want
you to see,
holding ugliness
and lies that make up
who they really are,
hiding secrets and troubles
behind all the pretties.

In each fleck of glitter
there is a single hope
that you won’t dig

August 25, 2010

pretty pretties.

They’re not so sure about my wheelchair yet. They run off when I get close and then inch their way back near the fence, feeling more and more comfortable that I’m not there to threaten them. The sound of their hooves pounding the ground at the same time was so odd to me the first time I heard it in real life. It reminded me of a movie sound effect, but it was right there in front of me. Really, their running is very peaceful.

They’re quite beautiful.

August 23, 2010

reliable friend.

You are sweet
for my soul,
bringing comfort
in those much-needed moments
in between the craziness of my day
and the low breaths of my slumber,
like the cushy cotton pillow
beneath my brushed blonde curls,
sweat-soaked but comfortable

and always there.

August 20, 2010

love this kid.

I mean, really. How could I not?

August 20, 2010


You strummed those strings
with your little piece of plastic
and sang words
I’d never heard together before
from your short wooden stool
set atop the stage.
Your voice–
it was pure magic
coming through that mic.

You couldn’t see me
in the dimly lit corner–
but I was there
among the silent and equally awed.

I was there
soaking up every sound
and every caress you gave
that guitar,
trying to figure out
how I had gone so long
without seeing
just how beautiful you are.

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August 18, 2010


you have a piece of my heart.

I’ve always loved you,
even when you’re too hot to bear
or too sticky with your wet air.

You turn the sky green
with big, thick still storms
or icy blue like chlorine pools
with sunshine all around,
changing your mind in minutes
and messing up made plans.

Silly summertime,
I still love you.

August 16, 2010

and then I could see.

So probably an hour after I posted that last post, the girl at the Vision Center called to tell me my glasses were in. I thought for sure she was wrong because they said it usually takes 5-7 business days. I ordered them last Wednesday so I figured I had another 2 days of being blurry. But nope, I have them on my face. I’m still getting used to them and trying to decipher where the line between far and near blurs, but they’re okay. It’s just going to take a little time.

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August 16, 2010

blink, blink.

I figured I might as well get it overwith before I get too deep into this job and have no motivation left to even make the appointment. Am I the only one that an eye appointment just wipes out for the rest of the day? They exhaust me.

Anyway, I was officially told I had astigmatism, which I expected, and my left eye is near-sighted. So between those two things, I have the reasoning behind crazy blurry vision when driving at night. Last week, I was coming home from Lawrence, and I was actually scaring myself because I couldn’t really tell how far the headlights of the oncoming traffic was, or how many for that matter. I’m skiddish about 2-lane highways anyway, and it was making me a little panicked. That sort of kicked my butt in gear to get to the eye doctor, plus I had listed it as one of my 25 goals for this year.

Glasses are ordered and should come in this week. I might get some contacts eventually, but glasses will do for now. I always feel smarter in glasses anyway.

So 1 down, 24 to go.

August 14, 2010

a good Saturday.


August 13, 2010

my own chalkboard globe.

Remember this post?

Well, ever since I saw that globe, I have been searching for a cheap globe of my own so that I could make a much cheaper version for my room redecoration. After looking at my own local thrift stores and coming up empty handed, I found one at ShopGoodwill. Who knew they have a whole website dedicated to buying thrifted finds online? My mom did, that’s who. That woman can find the best deals, I swear. Brand new Polaroid camera for 2 bucks? She found it. Coach purse for 10 bucks? Yep, she found that too. I’ve never seen someone with such random good luck on bargains.

Anyway, I found one, and it turned out to be better than I thought. The base is heavy metal, not cheap plastic like I had originally anticipated. I painted it, and wait, and painted it again. Three coats later I was satisfied. Then I lightly wrote on it with white chalk and smudged it around everywhere. I love it. I don’t think I am going to trace the continents like the original pictures one because I like the blankness.

The only thing now is to find a place to put it. The shelf I had originally thought would be its home is too small. I am thinking of looking for a short bookshelf to put it on. I need to find a new place for my books anyway.

August 12, 2010

in the k-mart parking lot.

He was smiling
with her on his hip
acting just as goofy
as he looked.

His daughter–
blonde and tomboy
all the way through.

She changed my story once

and she’s done it again.

His daughter–
she makes me heart melt
almost as much
as he used to.

August 10, 2010

I went ahead…

and did it. I’ve wanted my lip pierced for a while, but never had the guts to go do it. Actually it’s lower than my lip, but I’m not sure what to call the area. Lower cheek? Lower lip? I’ll just have to say I got my face pierced. :)

I woke up and got ready and spur-of-the-moment decided to just go do it. I’ve been known to make impulsive decisions before (chopping my hair off, buying my first DSLR, road trips) and I never hardly ever regret them. This one was fun, and if I decide someday that I don’t like or want it (I don’t foresee this happening), I can take it out & let it close. And for job interviews/jobs, I bought glass placeholders to replace the jewelry. See, I got it covered. :)

Hope you lovelies are all having a good day as well!

picture right after with FxCamera. The post is long to let it heal quicker and safely. The last thing I want is for it to grow into my lip, yuck.

August 9, 2010

in my way.

Impossibility is such a heavy word
leaving bitterness and pain
on my tongue like coarse salt
of my favorite food.

So many things are
beyond my reach
beyond my power.
These things
I think of most.

It does me no good
to want or imagine–
still I taste them
occupying minutes of my day
distracting, aggravating
sometimes breeding false
hope all around.

Somehow my impossibilities are
what keeps me going,

for hope to pay off.

August 7, 2010

no tears.

I haven’t cried
for so long
I’ve almost forgotten
what it feels like,
only that I usually
feel better after.

But even that can’t be
better than I feel
right now.

So let’s just forget
about crying

and save all our smiles.

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August 6, 2010

with the wind in my hair…

Ah, it was a good day. Boring, but good.

August 6, 2010

4:39 p.m.

My heart still beats
the same as the
last time I saw you,
waiting at that stop sign
while I waited at mine.

A casual wave in passing
and just like that,
gone again.

We became predictable
avoiding each other
as nicely as we’re able.

A smile, I have learned,
goes a long way
with fooling.

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August 5, 2010

25 goals.

1. Crochet a scarf.
2. Make at least 1 Head Change show.
3. Repaint and redecorate my room.
4. Use my laptop on a more regular basis.
5. Read 15 books total, including at least 3 design books.
6. Attend at least 1 KU game. (I changed KU from Chiefs (it was too cold!))
7. Buy a new van.
8. Make friend dates more often.
9. Wear more accessories.
10. Try at least 3 new restaurants.
11. Meet 5 new friends.
12. Design a logo.
13. Buy a new DSLR.
14. Get an orchid.
15. Have a garage sale.
16. Make and keep an eye appointment.
17. Sell a photo print.
18. Take naps.
19. Watch 10 new movies.
20. Less worrying.
21. Save money. (After the new DSLR, of course.)
22. Sew.
23. Go 1 day per week unplugged from internet.
24. Get a poem published.
25. Send more mail.

August 4, 2010

looking back at 24. looking forward to 25.

(happy birthday to me!)

+ It’s the year I stood up for myself & didn’t let anyone change my mind. I am getting good at sticking to my guns.
+ I started to believe in love again. I said it, and I meant it.
+ I realized that drinking causes more problems than it’s even worth. So I pretty much quit.
+ I saw how immature adults can be.
+ I had baby fever. BAD.
+ I became addicted to Words with Friends.
+ I opened an Etsy shop. And still not feeling sure about it.
+ I cut back on pop and started eating healthier, and never regretted it for a minute.
+ I became friends with someone because of very unfortunate and sad circumstances. She is wonderful though.
+ I questioned a lot of relationships, the most important ones.
+ I became totally bored with my routine, then embraced changes.
+ I had a lot of good conversations with my little brother.
+ I cried during the first episode of Glee I ever saw.
+ I found some real motivation and desire to design again.
+ I wished once in a while that I was an only child.
+ I stayed home and wrote on weekends, instead of going out.
+ I felt (at times) really alone. Sometimes a good alone, sometimes a bad alone.
+ I dug around in my own emotions, and felt so much relief after figuring some things out.
+ I watched Pride and Prejudice more time than I can count and am able to recite the script.
+ I missed Colorado something fierce.
+ I was easily frustrated with people.
+ I had some pretty awesome dreams.
+ I watched a lot of The First 48.
+ I almost had a nervous breakdown in April. It was a rough month.
+ I wrote. A lot.
+ I was really good about budgeting my money.
+ I fell in love with instant film.
+ I discovered really good self-tanning lotion. No skin cancer for me.
+ I missed the way things used to be, but didn’t want to go back.
+ I loved Aunt Nancy’s trip home. Loved seeing her and Leon (and everyone else).
+ I thought that there are some things that I’d be better off not knowing.
+ I bought and loved my first red Moleskine.
+ I got the flu & felt like I would surely die. Luckily for you, I didn’t. :)
+ I ate Gambino’s A LOT. Best pizza ever.
+ I loved my Unravelling e-course and all the women in it. I feel so much stronger.
+ I bought the HTC EVO and wondered how I ever lived without touchscreen phones.
+ I made my own X-Mas cards and other stationery. Love that process.
+ I finally discovered online banking.
+ I figured a few things out and confused myself even more about a few other things.
+ I chipped my tooth a tiny bit. And spent the rest of the week obsessing about it. (Dentist says not to worry.
+ I dreaded 25, and now it’s here. So let’s get out there and make the most of it.

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August 3, 2010

makinna the great.

I think her Duckie–that poor worn-out little stuffed animal–finally bit the dust today with a final rip on its rear. She doesn’t seem too upset yet because she had a pinwheel to keep her occupied, but at bedtime, that could be a different story.

August 2, 2010

25 to-do.

I am excited to have this done and ready to go. It will be full of pictures, words, and random junk by the end of my 25th year.

This year’s book measures 7.5 x 5.75, but several pieces are smaller. I am obsessed with using different sizes of paper in my minibooks. It feels like layers to me, and I am all about layers.

I’ll do a separate post on the actual goals for the next year in the next few days. They deserve their own post.

Because the bookrings are spaced the way they are, I am able to efficiently use both 4×6 and 5×7 pieces easily. I started off right away with 1.5″ bookrings because I had to upgrade the 1″ rings on my 24 book to larger ones once I got closer to the end. I have a lot of stuff in that little bitty book.

I used the Poplar STD font for all printed words, except for the double 25 spread. I thought it needed something different and just used a normal serif font.

Blue and gray were the initial colors I wanted to use (something was intriguing about the sky that day), but I needed a little splash of something bright so I made a yellow envelope and plan on using more yellow throughout for journaling backgrounds and accents. Yellow is my sunshine, I suppose. The front and back chipboard covers were left unpainted because I think there is just something rugged and comforting about the kraft brown look.

I really like the paper I used for this project. The blues are each a different shade of the sky blue I was looking for, and each have a distinct pattern. One, in fact, is pretty similar to the comforter I am ordering for my bed. I am in love with simple designs these days.

Now let’s hope I can keep up and get some of these things done!

August 1, 2010

and then there was this.

This place,
this feeling, this moment
is just right for
feeling worth everything.

This is going to take me somewhere
I forgot about.

and I’m just fine with