Archive for September, 2010

September 29, 2010

last year.

I never mailed that Valentine’s card
because the words were heavy
and I wasn’t sure
how you’d handle such honesty.

Change is scary
(and rejection scarier)
so even though I stamped the envelope,
I couldn’t make myself
drop it in the box to you.

The love wouldn’t be worth
the risk of losing everything else.

I’ll just keep my heart quiet
for now.

September 28, 2010

red and green already.

I’m trying to not be a procrastinator this year. So yes, I have started thinking about Christmas in September.

Handmade Christmas cards are always a pain if I try to do them all at once, so I figured I would do a little at a time to get them ready and assembled. Then when it gets closer I’ll write on them and get them addressed. I already had the idea for the design a few months ago and have had to force myself to not work on them until now.

I’m cutting, trimming, and edge punching all day, and will do the rest at some other time. As long as they are ready to address by December (plus it might take me that long to find that damn green tape I have and want to use). I pride myself in personal Christmas cards–instead of a generic old message that goes out exactly the same to everyone. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but it’s not my style. That alone can take a half a day!

September 27, 2010

and here we eat.

Lots of laughs are had in this cafeteria at work.

September 25, 2010

nobody said it was easy.

I heard this song the other day for the first time in a while, and it reminded me of so many good times. I love this acoustic version especially.

September 24, 2010

few here, few there.

Since Colorado, I have been trying to gain some weight. I’m not grossly underweight or particularly concerned about my health, but I just want to look healthier. Too skinny is just not a good look. For me, anyway.

It’s so hard for me gain weight. My dad is small too and can eat anything and still not gain a pound. I am the same way. Must be that Koch metabolism or something.

The hard thing is eating healthy and gaining weight at the same time. I try not to eat a lot of salty foods so for snacks, I eat fruit and vegetables or crackers. Not exactly food that is going to be particularly fattening. I think trail mix, with dried fruit and nuts, is going to be what does it. Mostly because I could eat it all day and not be tired of it. It’s that good.

So though it’s probably something I’ll be focusing on, I won’t suffocate you with my weight gain progress though. Promise.

September 23, 2010

at work.

listening: Green River Ordinance & the constant swing of doors to production.
eating: trail mix.
drinking: water
wearing: khakis, long sleeved shirt, blue collared work shirt
feeling: exhausted
weather: no windows. no idea.

wanting: enough work to keep me busy all day!

needing: to print audit packages.
thinking: I’d really like to be snuggled in bed.
enjoying: that the cute maintenance guy is working today.
wondering: what plans are for this weekend.

September 22, 2010


Occasionally my sister and I have moments like this, where we’re so much ourselves that we are exactly like the other one.

September 21, 2010

and it’s autumn.

I need to retain
some sort of sanity

since sleep comes so infrequently
and dreams less so,
my mind is foggy and tired
of focusing.

Fall should be foggy–
in a good way–

a chilly leaves-stuck-to-the-road kind of way,
a let’s-go-trick-or-treating-in-the-dark kind of way,
a hold-my-cold-hand-in-yours kind of way.

Hoodies and cider,
pumpkins and football,
fleece blankets and dusty air.

Let’s settle in
for a good one.

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September 20, 2010

quiet quitting.

It doesn’t take many words
to change the way
a heart feels about everything
it believed in with you.

Good or bad,
not many words at all.

Sometimes what you don’t say
does the talking.

Your silence, friend,
and guilty avoidance
has shut down any trust
from the outside in
without a thing for me
to stop it.


And now, late explanations
end it all.

September 18, 2010

just a reminder.

I’m not sad and lonely (all the time, ha), and I don’t always write about myself or my own relationships. Sometimes those poems that I post aren’t about me or my life at all. I see people around me, my friends, family, coworkers, peers, going through things too, and I put myself in their shoes. Or try to anyway.

I ask myself what I would feel if it were me going through the same thing, and that’s where some of the poetry comes from. I’m not constantly heartbroken, believe it or not.

In fact, I am sort of at a stand still on words lately, from my life or anyone else’s life. When things get busy, I don’t have the time or energy to put into writing. It may be different for others, but, for me, it takes energy.

So you’ll see some writing, but it will probably be sporadic. When I don’t have work or something scheduled every single day, more will come here.

Don’t give up on me til then!

September 17, 2010

photo dump

September 14, 2010

it’s in my heart and on my lips.

I don’t want to go
another day
without telling you

how I feel
how I love you
how I adore you

how all of your goodness
can’t quite be captured
in a solitary word.

It could never be enough
as long as you
continue to be
who you are.

So just in case,
let me say it.

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September 13, 2010

this is just about the way I feel lately.

It’s pretty good!

September 11, 2010

current project: affirmation prints.

Still tweaking text and colors, but it’ll be done one of these days.

September 10, 2010

raelyn and i.

Isn’t she sweet?

I don’t get to see the girls everyday like I am used to since I started my 8-5 job. I miss the little farts, and amazingly they miss me too. It’s kind of funny to see them run to me when they see me. I love that part at least.

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September 9, 2010

my very own.

When there’s nothing good on tv, my brain works in weird ways. I get bored and tired and needing something new to look at. I designed this desktop during one of those moments.

I see so many beautiful desktops online, and I’ve downloaded and used many different ones from awesome designers before. This time, I just wanted something of my own to look at when I close down all my windows. Something simple and clean. It kind of keeps my mind clean when I am away from work, which is hectic.

Plus it keeps my design side in check.

September 8, 2010


Maybe it’s a coincidence
that he shares your initials
and seems to look better
with just a bit of scruff
spread across his chin.
The laugh and shyness,
the quiet way he touches my shoulder
when people are around.

So many similarities
from him to you
and back again.

Maybe it’s my way of knowing
he could be the one to save me
from living with a heart that’s broken.

He’s not the first love
and he doesn’t need to be
because I think he’ll suit my heart
just fine.

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September 7, 2010

week two starts here.

This hallway is cold, and I imagine it will get colder in the winter when that draft that comes down is freezing. My office is at the end in a small hallway on the right. Mandy and I have already cranked the space heater on and snuggled in with sweatshirts, and winter isn’t even here yet.

I wonder who settled on the blue paint anyway. When you see the outside of the plant (I’ll get a picture one of these days), you’d never imagine that you’d have blue hallways running through it. Maybe they needed something light since much of the production area is dreary and artificially lighted.

September 5, 2010

can’t be mistaken.

You know I love you so
everything else is irrelevant–

what they say
what they see
what they think
about how strongly
one way or the other
we should feel about
what we felt before

All that needs to be known
is right here between us.

I know you know
I love you.
You know I know
the same.

We only make sense when
our crazy hearts
run wild.

September 3, 2010

oh, innovia.

I like my job. It is a lot different than I imagined it would be, easier actually. A lot of computer work, communicating between our plant and Atlanta, paper work, double checking, customer complaints, corrective actions, sending samples to the lab, checking specs. Quality control is a busy job when the product can vary so much.

I think the hardest thing is that I don’t really understand what the other employees are talking about all the time. It’s like they are speaking code, and in a sense, they are. Casting, coating, parotesting, stretch lanes, etc. There are certain specs and calibrations and film types that I don’t know about yet (but am quickly learning), so I think it is only a matter of time before it becomes second nature for me too.

So if you open a SweetTarts or a Jolly Rancher, our plant could have made that wrapper. There are so many things that we make that I didn’t realize. It’s quite interesting to me.

The people are awesome. There are quite a few that I had met before when I would visit my sister or brother at work, or if we would happen to go out and have a drink. I haven’t met one person that doesn’t seem friendly and helpful. And we spend half of the day laughing at all the stories they tell me. Mandy is training me, and it’s like hanging out with one of my very best friends all day. We laugh and make fun of the guys and tease our boss, Dave. He is one of my favorites so far. He is from Britain and cracks me up, plus he brought us candy (after he ate all the good milk chocolate ones lol) and let us have his big office so I can “fit comfortably.” :)

It’s a good environment for me, and even though working a full week is tiring, I think the next few months are going to be good ones. Even if I am too busy to blog.

September 2, 2010

return to regular programming soon.

I promise that this weekend will be all about updates. I might have a few minutes in between before then to get a post up, but for the most part, I am wiped out this week!