plain and simple.

How I wish everything was simple
How I wish everything didn’t end in lies
How I wish I could just keep turning back time
How I wish I could be more like me
When I didn’t have to worry about myself
How I wish I could just keep turning back time

“Don’t Cry” by Olivia Broadfield

I haven’t cried in a long time. Not about being paralyzed anyway. There seems to be times when paralysis and everything that goes with it gets me down, for a week or sometimes a little longer. It’s all I can think about. All the things I miss, all the things I can’t do, all the things I wish were different. It sort of consumes me like exhaustion, and it makes my heart weak and sensitive. Once every few months, I cry so hard at night from frustration and anger that it hurts. It builds and builds until crying is the only way to get it out of me.

And then there are other times, like now, that I’m not concerned much with any of that. I do what I want when I want, and I do it with a smile on my face, enjoying every single minute of every day. I forget sometimes in those small dips of depression that I really, really do have a pretty fantastic life. One definitely worth living to its fullest.

I am happy. And I am because I said I would be. I told myself from the very beginning, when I was the one trying to cheer everyone else up, that this would not make my life any less happy. I just have to remind myself every so often.

So here is to another few months of happiness and no tears. And jingle bells and twinkly lights!


4 Comments to “plain and simple.”

  1. so much strength. thank you for being open and sharing this posting.
    much love and yeah….happiness!

  2. you are one of my favorite people, just because of the honesty. its addictive. thanks C. so glad knowing that you’re out there…and happy.

  3. Your strength reaches out beyond yourself, I can’t begin tell you how much your are such a source for me.

    Happy New Year and I always hope for you the best that life has to offer.

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