Archive for May, 2011

May 31, 2011

goodbye May.


I loved being a DIYer. Fun stuff!
I loved the very sweet things I heard about this blog. Thank you again.
I loved warm weekends.
I loved getting tank tops and tans.
I loved taking initiative at work. I felt almost powerful.
I loved reading my heart out.
I loved being around someone who genuinely likes being around me.
I loved knowing that the comfortable friendship with the ex is all it’s going to ever be.
I loved my red and blue shoes.
I loved dried mangos.
I loved lunch dates with Darcy and Kim.
I loved the summery smell of sunscreen.
I loved my iPad!!!!!
I loved the drag races with my nephews.
I loved hanging with my family.
I loved the friendship with TM.
I loved white and yellow nails.
I loved lightning at night.
I loved the motivation.

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May 30, 2011

Nighttime.

I hate dreaming about you
and the way you were
like a world set on fire.

Ablaze everywhere.

Mostly I hate dreams of you
because when I wake,
it’s not you that is waking up beside me.

May 30, 2011

now.


Today is the only day
you’ll get to be
as free as you want.

Tomorrow we go back
to whatever normal was.

So say it
be it
wing it
do it
live it
see it
love it
breathe it all in.

May 29, 2011

you are no sailor.

I don’t know where you went wrong,
but somewhere
you went wrong.

While everyone waited to see
what sort of greatness you held,
hope in their little hands,
you drifted slowly to sea,
drunk and arrogant
and as lost and alone as something
that’s never been looked for.

Everyone’s expectations of good things
have squandered
and they wait now for a capsized boat
–minus you–
to wash ashore
weathered by salt and hidden angst
so they can turn their backs
and say

I told you so.

May 28, 2011

iPad = iLove.

Isn’t she a beauty?

She was so white and shiny that I almost didn’t want to touch her and make any smudges. But of course, I gave in.

I’ve had my iPad a few days and am so glad I decided to get one. It’s going to be so much more convenient than lugging my Macbook around, but still larger and easier to write on than my phone.

When I was ordering it, I couldn’t decide what I wanted inscribed on the back, but I finally settled on my favorite quote by Charles Bukowski. “If there is light it will find you” I’ll admit that it is probably a misrepresentation of his poetry as a whole. He was better known for his vulgarity, but man, some of those last lines of even his most vulgar poems can definitely stab at your heart. He was good at getting me in the end.

And I think it sort of describes me, too. I have always loved that about that one little line. So there it is.

May 27, 2011

eventually.


eventually you won’t be
anything but a little chink
in my armor
and a bruise
I can outgrow.

for now,
you’re okay enough
to love.

May 26, 2011

cryin’ for me.

They played this song at Mark’s funeral, and it’s been in my head ever since.

I think it sums it all up. There are a lot of lives that are less than they were without Mark around.

May 25, 2011

happy birthday Makinna.

Happy 4th birthday Little Miss Attitude! Love you.

May 24, 2011

I miss college.

I took a stroll across Washburn’s campus the other day, killing time before an appointment, and it made me realize how much fun college was. I was always stressed, but now I know it was a good stressed. The kind that you have when you want something to work. I always needed to make sure I had the good grades, the friends, the extra projects. It all needed to work. I miss that.

+ I miss the people and the small sense of freedom that a full-time job has robbed from me.
+ I miss feeling like I was working toward something big. I need a new big-time goal and the motivation to get me there.

+ I miss hanging out on campus with my friends, doing nothing but sitting under a big tree, laughing and discussing projects.
+ I miss feeling like I was gaining something valuable in my favorite classes.
+ I miss being the one always taking notes.
+ I miss Thursday karaoke nights at Sharkey’s with the crew.
+ I miss the excitement of new internships.
+ I miss the sense of endless possibility.

+ I miss sleeping in and staying up late.
+ I miss quiet library time with my stuff strewn across an entire table for whole afternoons.

+ I miss Henderson.

May 23, 2011

my day went something like this.


+ wake up
+ be grumpy
+ get ready/go to work
+ catch-up with sister
+ work my tail off til my late lunch
+ plan tomorrow’s blog
+ finish voiceover for our wrap and pack training video
+ relief about video being done
+ run around delivering work to people
+ come home
+ dinner
+ read
+ blog (now!)
+ sleep (next!)

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May 22, 2011

my weekend.

At the drags! It was a sweeeet time in the suite. No sunburn and no overheating (although I did have to take a few breaks and warm up outside).

Love em! Plus Cory Mac was back in action. Racing isn’t the same without him.

May 21, 2011

let’s get on the ball.

I’ve had a lot to figure out lately. Not just emotionally–because let’s face it, I’m always confused in that way–but just in general. If I am really going to do this build-a-house thing, I have a lot to get done. It’s probably the biggest commitment I’ve ever set my foot in so we’ll just hope it doesn’t all fall through. I should stop procrastinating. After all, I think this process is going to take long enough without pushing anything too far into the future.

GO! (And I’m already exhausted.)

May 20, 2011

today.

+ I need just 5 minutes to myself.
+ I need rain. I’m gonna get that wish.
+ I need to keep my head above water.
+ I need life to slow down. I feel like I am lost appreciation–or even the time to appreciate–the things and people I should.
+ I need to figure out how I never saw a Jessica + Ronnie coming. Two of my best friends in love. It really makes sense. It probably should have happened years ago.
+ I need a big tall beer.

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May 19, 2011

recent flickr favs.


1. Untitled, 2. Untitled, 3. window frame bulletin board, 4. The Grading Station, 5. the wall, right now, 6.  , 7. Shimokitazawa, Tokyo, 8. Untitled, 9. it was a subtle wind that would often carry the strongest color to the world, 10. Balloon Sky, 11. capillaries, 12. page 6, 13. Untitled, 14. up close [133:365], 15. a prediction, 16. Untitled, 17. Lake Tekapo, New Zealand, 18. self-portrait., 19. Night magic, 20. 2.23.twenty.11 ~ red primrose, 21. 02.24.11 : a touch of spring 2, 22. Untitled, 23. DSC_1244-6LR3, 24. DSC_0811-3 (2), 25. more…seriously?? [51:365], 26. Starlette Collection // Work In Progress, 27. jelly

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May 18, 2011

cancer sucks.

Mark Werner 1970-2011

We are going to miss you, friend.

May 17, 2011

slight rant.

Gaining weight is hard. It’s so frustrating. Probably the same kind of frustration that anyone feels when they are trying to lose weight and just can’t seem to, no matter what they do.  Sometimes the trying never pays off, and you’d rather smack someone than try anymore.

My goal is a pound every week.  It sounds small, and it is, but trying to fatten myself up quickly isn’t really healthy. Plus my arms are going to have to get used to hauling around a body that is 5-10 pounds heavier than it has been for 8 years.

I have resorted to using a calorie counter.  I know, a calorie counter.  I’ve seen them work for some friends who were losing weight, and I figured it can’t hurt to try in a different way.

I stuffed my face today, kept track of everything, and still am down 550 calories from my goal.  WHAT THE HELL?! How do people gain weight in a healthy way and stay sane?  Or keep from puking everywhere because their stomach can’t take anything else?  I’m going to stock up on protein bars and snacks that are relatively healthy, stuff high in protein and carbohydrates.  That’s the next “try.”

This is going to be a bigger challenge than I had anticipated.
May 16, 2011

reunion invites.

They are done and in the mail tomorrow.  I am relieved they’re finally printed and going out because if I had to worry about them for one more day, I might scream.  July isn’t far off when people have to plan whether they’re coming, where they are staying, etc.

Now onto the rest of the planning….

May 15, 2011

Silent Sunday.

May 14, 2011

handwriting made easy!


Have you ever wanted your own handwriting to be a real font? I always have, really. I used to do the write and scan thing, but lately it was just a pain and more hassle than it was worth.

Then I found this link on Pinterest. You download a template, write in your letters, scan, and download. EASY! It’s 10 bucks, but I’m hoping it will be the best 10 bucks I spend all year.

May 13, 2011

thoughts.


+ The Hunger Games is an insanely good book. I think that it is the fastest I have read a book in the past 2 years. I started book 2 of the series, Catching Fire, last night, and it’s going to be good too.

+ Work was both good and frustrating this week. Both are long stories, and since it’s Friday, I don’t feel like discussing it.

+ Hoping to have a play date with my camera this weekend. I miss it. :-/

+ iPad is on its way soon. I don’t even think I can say how excited I am.

+ I’m finishing up the family reunion invites soon (which have changed a little bit), so I suppose I’ll write about them again. Be on the lookout (or don’t. Whatever).

+ I have this good feeling inside that someone is thinking of me, and it is pretty nice.

May 12, 2011

I wish I could wrap you up
and keep you in my pocket
for every time I need to smile.

You are quite
special.

And I don’t just toss around
that word,
love,

even when the dull moon
is low enough to touch.

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May 11, 2011

happy birthday, mom.


My mom is probably one of my best friends.

She’s usually the person I cry with when I am having a really bad day, but she tells me when I’m being a bitch too. She’s momma bear who wants to keep me close but the one who encourages me to go for what I want.

I wouldn’t have picked anyone else for my mom.

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May 10, 2011

i really do love kansas.

As if you really needed proof, here it is.

I have seen cute takes on I Love My State type of stuff before, but this picture on Pinterest (never has there been a better inspiration site) made me smile. Then it made me go buy a canvas and bright yellow paint. It seemed very appropriate, given my obsession with sunshine.

I had read this tutorial by Meredith and mostly followed the same steps. I outlined my white Kansas with a fine line black Sharpie after it was done drying though. I think the outline really adds something to it, even though it’s so simple. I also sprayed the finished canvas with a clear matte finishing spray for a little protection.

I love the way it turned out. So simple but still pretty and dare I say, powerful? There is something about saying you love the place you are. It’s powerful, yes.

May 9, 2011

try.


I’m not sure there has been a song that has summed up my life better than this one.

May 8, 2011

Silent Sunday.

Happy Mother’s Day to my mom, sister, sisters-in-law, niece, grandmothers, aunts, cousins, and friends.

Love you all.