Archive for July, 2011

July 31, 2011

goodbye July.

+ I loved hot days.
+ I loved Netflix movie nights.
+ I loved not drinking on weekends. Waking on Sundays is so much easier.
+ I loved busy days at work.
+ I loved getting raises.
+ I loved being the one people confide in.
+ I loved relaxing weekends with nothing to do.
+ I loved seeing family from far away.
+ I loved fireworks at the pond.
+ I loved the Brits and beer.
+ I loved painting.
+ I loved Kansas City classes…the notebooks and book…felt like school. (I’m going to consider a Masters a bit longer.)
+ I loved “Stitch by Stitch” by Javier Colon. OH, it makes me fall in love.
+ I loved finding the land. Such a relief.

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July 30, 2011

true story.

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July 25, 2011

thoughts.


— It’s going to be a long week of training in Kansas City, so don’t be worried that I am being too quiet. Maybe sitting in a classroom all day will cure this itch I have to go back to college to get that Masters Degree…

— Land hunt is still on-going, and I lose a little bit of patience every time I look at a piece of land and hate it.

— Men who hit women are cowards. I think everyone knows that, but it is something we should remind people sometimes…

— I like to know I’m not the only obsessive list-maker. I’m going to convert Mandy.

— My bestie is almost ready to have her baby girl. Just a few more weeks before little baby Denny is here!

July 24, 2011

last night.

I know by how you looked at me in the dark
after you’d just brushed my hair from my face
that you’re serious still about being in love,

even if you’re not serious about anything else.

It’s like I never lost you at all.

July 20, 2011

sweet spitfire.

Makinna is one of those kids that will argue with you, not until she is right, just until you give up arguing and she can win. She is a sweet little thing who fiercely sticks up for her sisters, but she is also their biggest tormenter. When she whispers a secret it’s usually “I love you” or “Can I have a snack?”

She loves the flowers outside and dressing up in pretty shoes and dresses. She loves to twirl. And one of my favorites, she loves hanging out while Aunt Carrie snaps silly pictures of her.

July 18, 2011

exbf.

I don’t know if he’s trying
to piss me off
or make me smile.

Him and that
damn silver car
with its T-tops
and brand new radiator,
passing my window
like it had always
been a routine.

Either way,
it’s working.

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July 17, 2011

black and white and slightly worn down.

It’s been one of those weeks when things have been extra busy (imagine that), and I have been too tired to care about much else. So sorry for the shortage of posts here. I need to get better at that.

I am closer to deciding on land for building, but I haven’t had too much time to worry about it. Hopefully this week will be a better, slower one because next week is going to be slightly insane. Training courses in KC for 3 days are going to make for very long days, and probably a very irritable Carrie. We’ll see.

Serenity, Makinna, and Raelyn stayed the night last night, and we spent the night watching old Popeye and Betty Boop cartoons. They love em, so that made it fun.

Here are a few shots from this week:

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July 15, 2011

thoughts.

+  Someone told me once that I am getting better with age and that it shows in my face.  I totally felt that last night when I scrubbed off the makeup, threw up my messy hair up and had on a big old t-shirt. I felt more like “me” than I have in a long time. I loved it.

 

+  I think I am going to be addicted to painting on huge canvasses.  They are so….freeing.

 

+  I miss TM’s silly face.  I have missed him all week.  An enormous amount.

 

+  Orange fingernails might not have been the best idea.  2 people have asked me why I am getting ready for Halloween.

 

+  I need many more productive days like yesterday.  I had spunk at work, and I got so much done.

 

+ Pretty sure I have ear infection again.  That sh!t hurts.  :-(

July 13, 2011

the other side.

There comes a day
when what we think of ourselves
becomes more important
than what others think of us
and doing what makes us happy
takes priority.

There comes a day
when we grow into our own
and allow our hearts to sigh
and take leave from any pressures
or expectations from the outside.

We look around and realize
our lives are what we make them to be.

So anytime I’ve been stowing away
waiting for you
I’m spending right now on myself.

July 10, 2011

if there is light…

I have this thing about painting messy things. It’s sort of a stress relief to make something sloppy and not worry about how it’s going to turn out. Because let’s face it, some messiness is just beautiful. So when I saw this project on Pinterest, I knew I had to make my own version.

I used my favorite quote by Charles Bukowski, the same one that is on the back of my iPad.  The more it sort of sums up my life, the more I love it. Dark paint seemed fitting. Blue and black with purple, yellow, and silver.  I used vinyl letters, painted over them, and then pulled them up. It turned out pretty good, for a quick project. The letters are a bit sloppier than I had hoped, but it’s okay. I can live with it.

It’s sitting on my desk right now and will probably stay there, not just because I don’t have any room for it anywhere else. It looks good right here, where it can remind me.

July 9, 2011

nightshine.

You talk more easily
in the dark,
like the sunshine
might make the vulnerability
more apparent.

But if the dark is what
gets you there,
bring on the night.

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July 8, 2011

just remember,

I can’t see what you see
but I’m sure it’s there
somewhere.

Some spark when
the lights are out
or the right words
when you’re feeling weak.

It’s not my happiness
everyone is questioning–

so whatever your something is
that keeps you there and smiling

hold on tight.

July 6, 2011

break time.

Remember me saying that things were going to be busy? Well, I underestimated the busy-ness by about 10 times.

Besides the family reunion, work has been go-go-go for the past week or so. A manager secured a new job with another company so some of her responsibilities have come to me. I’m not complaining. It is good job security and a little bit of a raise, but I’m just exhausted. 3 days of training is not quite enough to be confident, and since it’s the first of the month, all the reports are due. With some stress (and a million questions to other managers), I finished them up and sent them off to the HQ in England.

Hey, maybe if they’re all good, I’ll still have a job tomorrow!

Even with everything going on, I’m trying to keep up here. I’ll apologize now, in case that plan doesn’t work out!

Hope everyone is having a fantastic summer!

July 5, 2011

red, white, blue.

It was a great weekend in so many ways. Good food, family, laughs, beer, fun, and fireworks. I wish I had taken more pictures, but I am sure that everyone else got some great family/people shots.

My cousins were the highlight. I only wish we all didn’t live so far away so that we could have more nights of sitting around sharing stories over beer and dancing like crazy. It was the most fun that I have had in quite a long time, and I am glad they were here to spend this weekend with us.

I also managed to watch the rest of the Swedish versions of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo movies. I wasn’t disappointed by them surprisingly. It’s so hard to watch a movie adaptation that was badly made, and most are.

*Please send thoughts for my cousin’s husband, Jay, who was in an ATV accident while she was here. He’s got some internal bleeding and could use some positive vibes!



July 1, 2011

careful.

there is a delicate balance
between loneliness and
happiness,
the need to feel loved
and the need to be alone
with my own thoughts.

maybe when one outweighs the other,
something will start to change.

til then, here
i am.

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