Archive for December, 2011

December 31, 2011

goodbye 2011.

2011 was a good year. It had its up and downs, but it was definitely not the worst. I do think it felt like one of the fastest years of my life. Where did all that time go? Is that why I feel like I haven’t actually been able to breathe? No time for breathing when life is happening and people are more important than counting minutes. 2011 was good, but I am looking forward to toasting to 2012 tonight.

I have changed a lot this year. I have grown and realized that I can’t be the person I want to be by holding myself back. Being assertive was always hard for me, but I can see that part of myself now. And I am proud. I hope I can continue that.

2011 was this:

+ A land purchase. Big leap.
+ Layla and Hailey were born.
+ Being hired permanently.
+ Surgery. Pain. Healing.
+ McDreamy moment. So embarrassing.
+ iPad. That thing is still amazing.
+ 4th of July family reunion. So fun and crazy.
+ Lost 2 friends, Mark and Jake. Sad.
+ Forgave and forgot.
+ Rapping Super Bass in the van by myself.
+ Becoming a Pinterest addict.
+ Date nights.
+ Birthday walks home from the bar.
+ Weller’s Thirsty Thursday nights.
+ Lonnie Q’s BBQ for lunch.
+ Twisted Christmas at The Midland.
+ Quiet afternoons in my office. Only me and my iPod.
+ Achy fingers HATE. hate. HATE.
+ Adele music. Love.
+ Cutting negativity out.
+ Laughing with long lost friends.
+ Gaining weight. 6 whole pounds.
+ KU shoes.
+ Finding a guy worth keeping. FINALLY.
+ DIY projects. Another addiction.
+ Gaining responsibility at work.
+ Christmas love.

December 27, 2011

first visit.

These people were his
and the way he laughed
and looked at me
from across the room
took away any doubt
that I should be anywhere
other than here.

Right here.

December 25, 2011

and happy new year.

December 22, 2011


+ It has been a long week for only a four-day week. Not enough sleep and too many annoyances.  And I want summer back.

+ I have to force myself to keep quiet when people come into my office, look around, then ask why I don’t have any chairs. There are 100+ smartass comments I could make, but I stick with “because you people would stay!”

+ When I am eating a candy bar, it usually means two things: it has been a rough day, and you better not fuck with me. Few people learn this lesson very quickly.

+ I have been doing very little to my hair during the week, and it feels healthier than it has for a long time (besides needing trimmed). I might have to cut back on skin products too…just to see what happens.

+ I heard Jesus Christ by Brand New and immediately thought of Jake. He loved that band. I can’t believe it has been almost a year since he has been gone.

+ Chiefs beat the Packers. Just thought I’d remind everyone. :)

+ I can’t believe Christmas is almost here. This year I am so ready and not ready at all. I think I missed some of 2011 because it seems super short.

December 21, 2011

2012 diy planner.

I have been on a complete DIY kick for the past year or so. I think that is evident, and usually when I do something, I always want to change something about it after about a month. This project is something I am happy with, though, because it is simple, clean, and doesn’t have anything extra that I won’t need later on in the year.

It was the first project with the Zutter binder, and even though it isn’t perfect, I am happy with it. Pretty decent for a first try. I used old Audrey Hepburn (I just love her) calendar pages to cover chipboard for both the front and back covers, and designed the inside pages in InDesign & printed them out on regular copy paper. I was going to go with cardstock, but the book would have been much bigger and bulkier. And who needs that from a planner?

I also put a divider in for a “blog” section. A good place to plan posts and write ideas and thoughts. I only wish I had put more paper in it because I bet it is going to fill up fast.

The chipboard was a little bit hard for me to punch holes into, mostly because I had the Zutter sitting on my desk, which is pretty high. I should have had it on a lower surface to get better pressure. But whatever, lesson learned.

I then put washi tape on the front covered, painted over it, and used a Hambly lace rub-ob and vinyl numbers for decoration. I love it.

December 19, 2011

random things.

+ I only have a super small tv in my room because I rarely watch it.
+ I use one specific kind of mousse in my hair because everything else makes me hair crunchy.
+ Sharpie pens and Uniball Power Tank pens are my fav. Rarely use anything different.
+ I think magazines smell good. They have a unique smell.
+ Gas station door handles creep me out.
+ I have a few OCD tendencies, but I call them superstitions.
+ There isn’t much that I don’t tell my sister. Good or bad.
+ I wish I had taken better advantage of life before I started a full-time job. Like sleeping in super late.
+ Water is my favorite beverage, followed closely by Dr Pepper.
+ I think it is completely possible to love two people at one time, but it shouldn’t be acted upon.
+ I carry ibuprofen with me at all times.
+ Big watches make my arms look not-so-tiny, so that’s all I wear.
+ At work, sometimes I want to just shut my door and cry. I hate being an adult sometimes.
+ If my iPod ever craps out, I will cry harder than if my kitten had been run over.
+ I never sign up for in-store credit cards, even if they offer a discount. Credit cards are trouble.
+ I am in desperate need of an iPhone. I hope May hurries for my upgrade.
+ I wish I could BEAT THE CRAP out of someone (anyone) sometimes. I need some anger outlet or something. lol
+ Winter makes me hurt. Like, physically ache. I hate it.
+ People who stare make me nervous and piss me off.
+ I say “dude” a lot when I drink.
+ Word games are my favorite.
+ Skor candy bars are my favorite, but I rarely eat chocolate. Or candy at all.

December 18, 2011

the heart wants…

Being vulnerable is one of my biggest fears. Being vulnerable is hard for me. Being vulnerable means letting someone see me, all of me, good and bad, and hoping that he likes the good things enough to stick around when I am sad or angry and maybe do not really deserve it. Being vulnerable means letting someone love me (and letting myself love him). Being vulnerable is hard for me.

I want to. But it’s been only me, the strong, independent one, for so long that anything else feels a little like weakness.

Like telling people how I feel. The good feelings, the ones that make me so happy and light that I could fly. You might not realize it because it is here that I let things out, be heard (or seen) that I can’t otherwise say. People know usually that I care, but I am not good at expressing it. It’s a flaw of mine, I suppose; this wall that stands between what I want to say and what he will hear. This vulnerable thing drives me crazy. I am too tough for my own good, truly.

I am getting better lately though. I don’t really feel the scared kind of vulnerable around Greg because I look at him and know that he wouldn’t hurt me. It’s so easy with him, just to be me. To let that soft side out with him. I have found very few people I am 100% comfortable around, and he is one of them.

Mostly he just wants to be here, and I like that. I never realize how much I miss him until I am right in front on him again. It that feeling where you sigh because something just feels right.

I think I always dated the wrong type of guy before because, well, in the end, I knew it wasn’t going to work. I could have fun for a while, get sick of it, and go back to being single me. Habit? Cycle? Boredom? I don’t know. Greg isn’t one of those guys. I knew he wasn’t one of those guys from the night we sat laughing at a pizza parlor watching football, and he told me I was beautiful in my hoodie and ponytail. Things like that make the vulnerability thing so easy with him.

I could actually get used to this.

December 17, 2011

christmas pics. darcy, jeremy, and kiddos.

Christmas is always fun around our house. We have a big family, and the kids are always so excited. This year, it started slightly early. Lindsay wanted family pictures done for cards, and Darcy has been waiting to do family pictures too.

So of course, I charged up my camera, got my tripod, and hoped for decent lighting. Most of that worked out, but I can’t wait until spring to do pictures outside with them for sunlight.

Today: I’m getting pretty, packing a bag, and going to KC with Greg, Darcy, and Jeremy for the Twisted Christmas concert at the Midland. I am sure we will be out afterward, causing mayhem somewhere. It’s what we do best on the nights we plan it right.

December 16, 2011

flickr favs – moleskine version

If there is one thing I love more than almost anything, it is a Moleskine. New, crisp and clean, with fresh pages waiting for words and scribbles. Or old and worn, filled with love and anguish. Moleskines. They are beautiful, no matter what.

1. Carnet noir, 2. Moleskineh, 3. Untitled, 4. small thoughts, 5. New Customized Wallet 01, 6. Rick and Ashley’s List, 7. moleskine macro 1, 8. Mi Moleskine, 9. Filled Moleskines and the one to follow, 10. gP day 21: moleskins, sharpies, and iPhones, 11. Twisted, 12. Boboleta

December 15, 2011

get christmas cards done. check.

Christmas cards are stamped, licked, and ready to be sent. I didn’t really put much time into them this year as past year’s. Just glue and glitter and a stamp on the envelope. It wasn’t laziness or lack of enthusiasm. Mostly it was that I needed something that would be quick and pretty and make an easy notecard sort of greeting. These were that.

Also, I sent to fewer people. Not that I don’t love you ALL…but making/sending 50+ to all my relatives and friends wasn’t feasible this year. Eek, I’m slacking.

December 14, 2011

raelyn turns 2.

Isn’t it hard to believe that the tiny baby born what seems like yesterday is now a toddler? (Wait, is 2 years still considered toddler?)

She had a great day, and she ran around going “my birfdayyy” before everyone arrived. It must have felt like forever to her because she sat and waited and tried to put her shoes on. Once everyone got there, she was shy though. That kid. Her face lit UP when we started singing to her, and she absolutely loved the attention.

A great two years!

December 13, 2011


I am never anyone but myself
when I am with you,

and that’s my favorite thing about us.

December 10, 2011


December 8, 2011


December 6, 2011

ten years later.

Remember those dreams we had
to travel and laugh in the ocean
and be wild
everywhere we could?

We were going to
be stars, even if we were
the only ones who knew who we were.

We had everything then–
except maybe what we needed.

I found love.
I lost you

I have never been happier.

December 5, 2011

christmas cards, part 1.

Lots of glitter and love.

I kept with my annual “handmade” Christmas card tradition this year. Not that it is a huge surprise, especially since I haven’t had much creative outlet lately otherwise. I always like something that is out of the ordinary, and simple. The simpler, the better imo. People remember extravagant, but they remember simple too.

I know some people find glitter gaudy and overused and a big ol’ pain-in-the-butt, but I found pretty glitter that fit perfectly with the stamp I wanted. Phase one (glue/glitter/stamp) only took one afternoon, which mostly was waiting for the glue to dry.

Next phase? Envelopes! Keep your eyes peeled. :)
(excuse the horrible lighting on the pics. I didn’t have time to lighten!)

December 4, 2011

silent sunday.

December 2, 2011

december, let’s do this.

Some of these have leaked over from my November goals list because, well, November turned out to be far busier than I expected. Funny how that worked out for the best.

+ bake something.
+ decorate my office for Christmas.
+ birthdays galore. Payden, Caleb, Raelyn, Jessica, Lindsey.
+ hoodies and hot coffee and a good book.
+ fun KC trips.
+ make cookie pops for the kiddos/co-workers.