Archive for January, 2012

January 31, 2012

goodbye january.

January was a good month. It was full of laughs and love and a little bit of stress too. I managed to get a few important things done and make a lot of memories in just 31 days. It was good, and I hope it sets the tone for the rest of 2012.

Favorite things about January:
+ Waking up to 2012 with someone who loves me.
+ Feeling good about gaining weight.
+ New planner. New start.
+ Audit at work = done. And it went really well!
+ Flowers at work to cheer me up during the audit. Sigh.
+ KU win over K-State.
+ Haircut! The do was getting crazy frizzy.
+ Nuclear Cowboyz in KC with some of my favorite people.
+ Beauty and the Beast 3D with Ashley and the girls. They had so much fun.
+ Finally watched Limitless. Bradley Cooper!
+ Took much-needed time off to hang out with Raelyn.
+ Watercolors.
+ Sherlock Holmes with my boy.
+ New filing cabinet at work. It’s the little things.
+ Lots of stuff caught up at work. I’ve been a busy bee.
+ Walmart/Barnes & Noble date. Perfect.
+ Red Lyon adventures with the crew from work.
+ New poetry. It was sporadic but felt so good.
+ Making plans.

January 30, 2012

Late nights
and early mornings
I come home
and my clothes, my hair, my skin, my heart
all still smell of you.

My skin is still scratchy
from your rugged kisses
and your breath is still in my ear.

You are always all over me

And I never want
to wash it off.

January 29, 2012

happy kansas day.

I love you, Kansas. Really, I do.


January 28, 2012

pinterest love.

I cannot get enough of Pinterest. Still. So many beautiful ideas and recipes and clothes and rooms. I can’t wait to decorate the new house with some of the gorgeous things that are floating in my head from that site. Or cook the delicious-looking food. *sigh*

+ Love this wall of shelves.

+ I want to try these chicken casseroles.

+ Ooh, or this pasta with chicken.

+ I am all about kraft stationery lately.

+ Rings that look lacy from the side. Gorgeous. Oh, or this one.

+ I am so doing this headboard…maybe not for my bedroom, but someone’s.

January 27, 2012


It has been one year since Jake B. passed away, and I can still feel the shock I felt that morning when Aaron texted me. The panic and confusion. Blood clot? Stroke? He was paralyzed, but he didn’t have to be dead too.

I think of him often, more on days when I am frustrated with sitting all the time. Because he was too.

I just hope he found some peace with his life before he died so young and didn’t feel lost or angry like I know he had before. Things that weighed heavy on him, I hope, were lifted and that he is somewhere still running around, laughing and loving. He deserved that much at least.

RIP Jake. I miss you.

January 26, 2012

just a reminder.

January 25, 2012

play day.

This kid is crazy. And beautiful and sweet and stubborn and adorably clingy on my afternoons off. And she was thrilled to spend the time off last Tuesday with me.

We didn’t do much, but between Chapstick applications and singing her Boom Boom song (Nicki Minaj!) and sneaking sips of Dr Pepper, we had lots of giggles and aunt/niece time. I wish I could take more days off just to hang out with her.

January 24, 2012


I am so proud of you, for so many things, but mostly for today. Today is a day that I hope we celebrate many times in the future because really, if you hadn’t been there & gone through life as it was, we wouldn’t be here as good as we are. And I can’t imagine what my days would be like without you.


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January 23, 2012

good weekend.

+ Nuclear Cowboyz with the crew. So much fun.
+ Looked at this gun. I don’t really know why I want one so bad, but I do.
+ Power & Light and dancing and laughing.
+ QT food.
+ Good sister convo on the way home from KC.
+ Pictures.
+ Dinner at Grant and Shannon’s.
+ Cracking up at Myles. That little guy is funny.
+ Not enough sleep, but plenty of fun. <3

January 20, 2012


2 months
and a few hundred smiles later,
here we are, still going
in the direction of optimists.

Forward is such a
good feeling,

and it’s just you
and me.

January 19, 2012

sneak peeks.

Projects coming up.

There has been a lot of paint and beads and quiet around here.

I thrive in the quiet places where my thoughts can be thoughts and turn to creativity, not just jumbles of words or bits of music or screaming neighbors. It is good to have that part of myself. Whatever that thing is that might be bothering me, the quiet is where I sort it out; it’s where I fix things. Ideas take shape and smiles happens. It’s where plans and lists are made.

With things so crazy busy & ridiculous, I needed something a little bit crazy busy creative.

January 18, 2012


January 17, 2012


Right there in black ink
across the top of seedy aged paper,
the kind that leaves black smears
on cheeks after fingertips
have soaked up all that truth,
were words that stopped my next breath
and shredded my heart into nothings.

Saturday night
took you away.

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January 15, 2012

january 15, 2012.

Nothing about today really feels like January or winter.  Nothing about the sunshine or 60 degree weather screams that snow should be on the ground, and we should be bundled up in scarves and mittens.

But I won’t complain because I am soaking up vitamin D and camera time.  And Beauty and the Beast 3D with the girls.

After such a hard week, I am happy to have had such a good weekend with the people I love.

January 12, 2012

it’s simple.

Loving you
her mistake.

Breaking her heart

January 10, 2012


Life takes me
without asking,
blindfold and silence,
and all I can do
is wait and go along
for the ride.

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January 9, 2012


Um, have you seen these?  Custom Chucks. I mean, CUSTOM CHUCKS! It is so on my to-do list. Not necessarily red and blue since I already have my Jayhawk Nikes, but something.

January 7, 2012


+ Carrie = sick. My head feels like it might explode, but the cold medicine is quickly becoming my best friend. Tomorrow hopefully will be better.

+ G has me thinking of a new camera again. And that is bad news because I might splurge and just get one. Must. keep. impulses. in. CHECK!

+ Sons of Anarchy is amazing. I should have listened when everyone told me to start watching it. Now I am caught up on all 4 seasons and have to wait until September to see new episodes. It may be a long 9 months.

+ Work this coming week will be crazy, exhausting, and annoying. Just like the past week was thanks to an audit. I’ll be so glad when it is over.

+ oh btw, where is winter?

+ Life (besides the work stress) is amazing. I thought I knew happiness, but this is about as good as it gets.

+ Figured out a project for my sister’s birthday present…she’s gonna love it.

January 6, 2012


The dark swam all around
gliding between our fingertips
with a silkiness of skin
and lingering on the shallow breath
held between your mouth and mine.

It saw more than we meant
but it is our good luck that
the night can’t tell secrets.

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January 5, 2012


You makes me laugh constantly, and I’m sure you have sugar and glitter running through those little veins. You sparkle wherever you go.

Happy birthday, sweet girl. Aunt Carrie loves you.

January 4, 2012


January 2, 2012

sweet layla.

January 2, 2012

it’s a new year.

Usually around this time just after the first of the year, people start posting their new year’s goals or word for the year or something along those lines. And for the past few years, I have done the same. Goals for the year. I never finish all of them. I usually forget what they are after about mid-year and give up anyway.

This year, I’m not.

No goals, no pressures, no I-have-to-get-this-done-because-it-is-on-the-list things.

This year is about not being held back.

I am going to go with what feels good and makes me happy at whatever time it is happening. I am learning that going with the flow is sometimes better than a planned to-do list.

And it starts right now.