Archive for April, 2012

April 29, 2012

weekend recap.

+ My Friday nights are becoming predictable. TV and then going to bed early. Is this what becoming an adult is like?

+ Greg and I went to Mount Vernon, MO to see Angel, who was injured in April. Our first little road trip together. 6 hours both ways and somehow we were still getting along when we got back. haha. ;) It was a good trip. Angel seems to be doing really well and is one of those people who you can tell will be just fine. Paralysis doesn’t have to be the end of it all.

+ St. Louis got hammered with hail, and Greg is heading out tomorrow for work there. It will be odd to not see him for an entire week. Thankfully, it’s only 4 hours away and not 10 hours or something crazy like that. <3

+ Rain, rain, and more rain. It's dreary and tiring. I need a nap.

April 27, 2012

the day after.

Yesterday wasn’t bad. It wasn’t particularly hard.

It was just another day that happened to be April 26.

And I couldn’t be happier that not one tear fell.

April 26, 2012

nine years.

Can you believe it? Nine years.

Nine years ago, I was paralyzed. Doctors were trying to xray and draw blood and keep me awake and stabilize my blood pressure. Basically, trying to keep me alive. But here I am. What a crazy thought. Unsettling and unreal.

The 8th year was a trying one, I won’t lie, but it was also one full of personal growth. Maybe you all can tell from my posts, but this year, I found happiness. Total, true, real and whole happiness. Not just because I found a great man who puts up with me because he wants to. But happiness within myself. I am happy because this year I learned how to forgive the people who don’t matter. I learned how to dramatically and quietly cut out negative and fake people from my life. I learned that keeping yourself fully busy with work, family, friends, and hobbies is tiring but totally necessary. I learned that real adult responsibility is such a stressful but rewarding thing. I learned that I need to give myself time to think and to care about me too. I learned that trust is not hard with a deserving person. I learned that you have to be the kind of person you would want to have as a friend. I learned (and I’m still learning) how to be good at being a part of two, instead of always on my own. I learned that I don’t always have to be so tough. I learned that I don’t have to give up any of my strength to be a softie too.

I have learned that simplifying life makes everything much more clear and focused. I thrive on clear and focused, and I plan on continuing that into my future.

Bring it on, year nine.

April 25, 2012

i’m alive.

This song sums up pretty much everything for this entire week.

April 22, 2012

so true.

April 21, 2012

sometime, it doesn’t matter.

I have a shuddering pain
that leaves me
blinking back tears
choking back words
holding onto a kind of anxious
that grounds me
and tells me to stay.

Slowly, it passes,
the calm circles
its way back
and sets itself in my lap again.
The colors return to normal
and smiles are easy.

But oh, that pain,

it is called worry.

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April 20, 2012


I love Instagram. Like, really, I love it. Simple, beautiful, easy, accessible, fun. Some of my favorites are landscapes because they just seem to pop out with simplicity. And I rather like simplicity lately, even if I don’t seem to have a lot of it.

Here are a few of mine from lately.

April 19, 2012

easy vs hard

Just looking for the silver lining lately.

Sometimes that is all I can do.

EASY: The actual day compared to my expectations.
HARD: The month leading up to 4-26.

EASY: Getting a new tattoo.
HARD: Getting used to seeing it everyday.

EASY: Feeling responsible.
HARD: Making the hard adult decisions.

EASY: Getting behind.
HARD: Working productively in a disaster area of an office.

EASY: Being in love.
HARD: Being an hour away from love all the time.

April 18, 2012


Sometimes I come home and can go about my evening without thinking about work at all. And sometimes I can’t.

Today was a rough day at work. Busy and frustrating and long and tiring. It is like the frustration built and built and by 4 o’clock, I was so ready to go home that I could’ve screamed. But it seems that my Wednesdays are forming a pattern and becoming my longest day of the week every week. I don’t know if it’s because I’m so ready for Thursday and Friday to be here so that the weekend is right around the corner, or if I’m just not a Wednesday person. Or if I’m just burnt out on my job altogether. Sometimes when I’m at work I feel like it sucks all of the life out of me, and makes me a bitter person, someone who doesn’t want to be just a paperwork babysitter.

I feel like the motivation that I once had is gone. I had all sorts of plans. I was going to do big things. Now all I need is a change.

I like my boss. He did his best to get me hired permanently, and for that, I thank him. Having a job really has been good for me. Not that it’s a big accomplishment because I’m handicap, but it just gave me something to do and something to feel good about. But lately, with all the new responsibility that they’ve given me without a decent pay compensation, I just don’t feel good about it anymore. I don’t wake up and want to go to work. I don’t go to work thinking “this is going to be a great day.” Mostly, I go to work and I’m ready to go home by the time the 8 o’clock meeting is over. That’s not good.

I need a day off. I need a few off I think.

Ah, end rant.

April 16, 2012


Today is your birthday. 35 years young, and getting better everyday.

You really are one of a kind. You deserve all the happiness in the world, and I feel fortunate that you choose to find it with me.

You bring out the things in me that I didn’t even know I needed. You save me from things I thought were okay to be content with. You make me want more. You make me ambitious again. You have heart enough to fill mine. You make me feel worth all this, and I hope that I make you feel the same.

We have many more birthdays to celebrate together.

Me & you.

April 15, 2012

project life: week 15

I had fun this week, even though it flew by again so fast. My head is still spinning.

I have been printing my pictures at home, which makes this project even more fun for me. I don’t have to wait on Walgreens (even an hour seems like a long time when you want them done now), and I can play with sizes, etc.

I have also been using more iPhone pictures. The convenience of having a decently good camera at my fingertips all the time has made the amount of picture I have double in size. Variety is hardly ever a bad thing, and I can always include them somewhere. This week I put in an insert with those extra random pictures from this week (and a few from last week) because they are just too much not to include.

April 11, 2012


I have a little
fire inside


it’s best not
to fan
the flame.

April 9, 2012

oh april,

You are so pretty, and you know just how to tickle happiness into my mornings with glorious foggy sunrises across the airport on my way to work.

You are the beginning of warm days and chilly nights. You give us rain and daffodils and the greenest grass the year will ever see.

You are heavy with your early humidity, but that weight feels oddly appropriate for the month. It is going to be a quiet month, a month where I want to spend time by myself for a while.

You are my least favorite month, but, somehow, you are still so nice.

April 6, 2012


Tinkerpot got new glasses. Her first ever pair.

Now we have 2 littles in our family with glasses, Kendall and Tink. Something about teeny tiny glasses are just so damn cute.

April 4, 2012

project life: week 13

This week was so much fun. Between being super busy (again), it was full of laughs and smiles and teeny tiny squeals.

Greg and I took Caleb and Kendall to Legends to the T-Rex restaurant, and it was awesome. I had never been there, and it is really a beautiful place. Good food. A LOT of food. Greg and I couldn’t finish all of ours. We’ll go back someday, I’m sure.

KU won in the Final Four against Ohio State (but lost in the Championship (sad face!)). I am still proud and still have red and blue on today though.

Mark took Tink and Makinna fishing at the ponds. They caught a few and were a little unsure of them.

This week was one of my favorites. It was easy. It was fun. It took me about an hour to put these pages together, which makes it fantastic.

April 3, 2012


somewhere the wind blows warm
across sand so soft
it can’t be seen floating through the air
whispering to the happiness filling each second.

somewhere someone has no worries
no cares and no dreams
because the sunshine is
just enough dream by itself.

somewhere someplace
in a land far enough I can’t see
they don’t know about real life
and struggles and fights
and tears.

but, me, I like just where I am
with you.