things i am afraid to tell you: my version.

Have you seen the “Things I Am Afraid to Tell You” posts around the blogosphere lately? If not, google it. They are vulnerable and tender, and I couldn’t help but admire the bravery of these women who are putting it all out there for everyone to see.

I decided to be one of them. I decided that if I put some of these things in one post, I’d feel better about posting any vulnerabilities from here on forward.

Here it goes.

+ I am extremely self conscious, even though I try very hard to pretend that I’m not. That sort of confidence just is used to detract from the things that I’m actually insecure about.

+ I am not afraid to try new things, but I hate going into any new situations without knowing what to expect. I like to have a plan. I like to know how spaces are laid out. I like to know any accessibility issues. It makes me anxious and unsure otherwise.

+ Fire hazards freak me out. I can’t just run away if my house ever caught fire. It would be a horrible way to go.

+ I am not as strong as everyone is convinced that I am.

+ I am scared of change. Big changes. And considering that my life is one big change after another lately, I am doing very well. I am learning that just because it is scary and different doesn’t mean it won’t be better in the grand scheme of things.

+ I am uncomfortable with my disability. It is not who I am, but it makes me so many things that I am proud of: determined, stubborn, stronger, emotional. I don’t quite know how to balance the hate and frustration I hate about being disabled with the pride I have for not letting it take over my life.

+ I am so sure sometimes, and at others, it’s like I am wandering. Life feels foreign with so much happiness filling it up.


2 Comments to “things i am afraid to tell you: my version.”

  1. Wow, I really admire your courage and your honesty. Very inspirational – thank you

  2. Brave and encouraging.

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