Archive for ‘Love and Relationships’

January 14, 2013


Carry away with my heart
as far as you feel is right.
To the sun or to the night,
you choose the pace, the distance,
the plain day of weather.

And I’ll tag along behind
grasping at your shirt tails,
because that is what lovers simply do.

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November 27, 2012

getting closer.

They told me it will go by quick, and it has. They weren’t lying.

And honestly I am scared. Not about marrying Greg. That is absolutely easiest part, the part I’ve been ready for, for a long time. Marrying him will be the breeze.

It’s the wedding in general that worries me. Will everything be done on time? What am I forgetting? Is everyone going to have a good time? Will it all be as beautiful as it is in my head? It’s worrisome!

Sometimes I think we should have just saved ourselves the money and the stress and just gone off and eloped. Or gone to the courthouse and done it. We could be married right now had we gone either of those routes. But we didn’t and a wedding we are having. I’m going to do my best to make it as fabulous as I can for everyone, but mostly for me and Greg.

Only my five months ago!

November 19, 2012

year one.

We have had so many good things happen for us since last year (and a few horribly bad ones), and I wouldn’t trade him for the world and all the stars in the sky. He supports me and sincerely cares about the happiness that stands between us. He is encouraging and sympathetic and seems to know how I feel before I have to say anything.
We are good for each other, and we’ve managed to make the best of ourselves available for the other. I love that. In just 5 months, we’ll be married, and we can start life as a family, one with the same last name.
I can’t wait to spend many more years celebrating with him and creating new memories along the way.

August 7, 2012


The sun shines in
through dark curtains
on a Sunday morning
and your breath against my shoulder,
arm stretched across my chest,
holds me clinging to sleep.

You are the calm

that brings my heart
to life,
slow and steady.

July 3, 2012


I am not sure what you find
so beautiful about me,
about the lanky and long limbs
that are my body
but you run your rough fingers
over my skin every time
like it might be the last.

I am not sure how you found
the single soft spot of my heart
and made it solely yours,
warming it from the inside out
from wherever it hid
behind blackness and hurt,
but I’d never ask for that back.

It is yours,

I am not sure what life without you
looks like now
that you are all I see.

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June 23, 2012


“What had changed her? She had never been like this. It was him, or course, and the connection she felt with him, an intimacy so intense that she felt she could say anything, do whatever she liked,suppress nothing.”

-Ken Follett, Fall of Giants

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June 12, 2012


I wanted to break into a run,
cut through the air between us
and be standing so close to you
that your breath warmed my chilled skin.

You had been gone for 11 days
and even for a girl like me,
11 days is too long.

You smelled the same,
strong and musky,
and the tattoos hadn’t faded one shade,
still silvery and beautiful.

Your heart, too,
had filled up again
when my green eyes met your blue.

I was afraid that if I wrapped
my arms around you,
felt your waist against mine,
I couldn’t let go again.

And it was so real
until I woke up alone.

June 10, 2012


One of my favorite things about Greg and I is that we don’t have to have big plans to have fun together. We don’t have to spend a lot of money or go to extravagant places. We just hang out and make things fun as we go.

This weekend, we went to Union Station and walked around. It’s such a pretty place with lots of people (3 weddings were happening that day!) and beautiful, detailed architecture. Then we went over to Crown Center to go to the new SeaLife Aquarium. It was pretty, but I think any aquarium is. My wheelchair battery has been acting up so the walk back to the van was panicked on my part (the battery was blinking RED at me), but of course, Greg is the calm one. That damn battery is definitely priority #1 this week.

May 29, 2012


the sound of quiet
that fills the moments
in between
swells my heart
to near maximum.

the sound of quiet
and your shallow
sleeping breath.

May 28, 2012

long weekend.

We had an amazing weekend. On Saturday, we spent the day on the lake, wake boarding and swimming and laughing and getting some color on my pasty white legs.

Greg’s friends are so chill. I love that. I don’t know why I am nervous going into situations where I don’t know anyone because it never really matters. I am usually comfortable within the first 5 minutes. Every time.

On Sunday, Greg and I just hung out, not really doing anything too productive. But it was the best lazy-ish Sunday in a long time. We went shopping around and saw Chernobyl Diaries at Legends. Then we pretty much decided that Saturday had wiped us both out so I came home and he went back to Grant’s.

Today: I am working on Project Life and going to take my new camera (Canon 60D!) out on its first girl date with me. I had originally planned on doing Mark and Ash’s family pictures, but little Raelyn isn’t feeling too well. Poor baby girl.

Also, Happy Memorial Day to our Veterans! <3

May 22, 2012


Even when you
aren’t convincing me,
you really are.
Because I already know it
and feel it
and one thousand percent
believe it.

You were absolutely
made for me
to love.

May 12, 2012


I am still in shock, I think.

He loves me so much, it would probably make me cry if I thought about it too much. But I won’t because I am taking it as it comes and just being happy.

I made the first list for the wedding. Don’t worry, I won’t freak out and go bridezilla on my blog, and I am not going to rush the plans at all. I just wanted to have a look at all the things that will need to be done and places that will need to be called and things that will need to be scheduled. And there are a lot.

But again, this week, I am just being happy with the fact that I found someone who is what I had dreamed of and wished for. Someone who makes me smile when I don’t want to smile. Someone who makes me laugh at myself. Someone who loves me.

May 7, 2012


It has been the busiest, craziest, and happiest 4 days of my life. Truly.

I originally planned on talking about Atlanta in my next post, but there is a little bit bigger news coming your way.

Get ready for it….

Yes, I did!

He pulled it off flawlessly. I had absolutely no idea it was coming. Even my sister and mom kept the secret for 2 weeks without dropping even a little hint. That’s an amazing feat in itself, believe me.

THE STORY: We had all planned a get together at my oldest brother’s to shoot guns and eat and have a few beers (after the guns, of course). People from work were coming. Friends were coming. Greg’s brother and wife and kids were coming. So he apparently saw it as the perfect time to pop the question.

We had just finished shooting the guns in the hot sun. We were all hot and hungry so we went back to the house. Everyone hung out before we lined up for food. Greg was last in line, and he came over to our table (where his brother Grant, Grant’s wife Shannon, Mandy, Darcy, and my mom had already sat down to eat. He walked up with his plate. Since I was there first, my wheelchair was halfway blocking his way to sit (weird tables). He goes “Could you back up a little?” So I did. He says “No, a little more.” So I did. He says again “No, back up.” Now, I was back plenty so that he could slide in to the table. I was so confused. Why did he need so much room?

Then he started digging in his pocket and crouched down. I flipped. I don’t know how many times I said “Oh my God!” but it was more than once. I laughed and cried and was a little panicked from all of it. Mandy and Darcy were taking pics and recording it. Everyone else was sort of ooh-ing and aww-ing. I think so anyway. I don’t really remember what anyone else was doing because I was trying to keep myself from completely losing it. It was emotional. It was crazy. It was so perfect.

I am so glad that he kept it a secret. I’m glad I didn’t have any inkling about when, where, etc. He did a great job of making it memorable and our type of romantic and real. He picked a perfect ring. I love him like crazy. And he is mine!

(I’ll get on that Atlanta post soon when I can breathe again.)

April 16, 2012


Today is your birthday. 35 years young, and getting better everyday.

You really are one of a kind. You deserve all the happiness in the world, and I feel fortunate that you choose to find it with me.

You bring out the things in me that I didn’t even know I needed. You save me from things I thought were okay to be content with. You make me want more. You make me ambitious again. You have heart enough to fill mine. You make me feel worth all this, and I hope that I make you feel the same.

We have many more birthdays to celebrate together.

Me & you.

March 21, 2012

wait awhile.

let’s stay in, me and you,
out of the rain
to hide from the gray
that weighs everything heavy
and makes anything happy
seem a little bit less.

hide with me all day.

there may not be any energy
left for anything else
but I’d rather use it all
loving you.

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March 12, 2012

pep talk.

Life is about challenge.

Pushing myself.
Bettering myself.
Testing myself.
Questioning myself.
Exhausting myself to the point that I can finally appreciate relaxation.
Giving myself a chance to make all the mistakes I want.

I’ve done all that, and now I know that
love is about challenge too.

Missing someone else.
Needing someone else.
Wishing he was there when I know he can’t be.

This is a big one,
and we are going to be
just fine.

March 11, 2012

weekend in pictures.

I can honestly say I haven’t had so much fun in a long time. <3

February 28, 2012

he is it.

Driving home from Greg’s on Sunday felt like it took forever, like the road had stretched while I was in Kansas City. My eyes were heavy from such little sleep, and my heart was full with what I can only explain as calm. It was a great weekend, full of good conversation, laughs, and sweet sweet moments.

Greg is one of those guys that doesn’t have to try to impress me because being who he is impresses me enough. He makes me look at things differently. He is patient. He makes me comfortable. He turns the mundane things to fun. Mostly, he makes me feel good about myself.

I realized on that drive home that somewhere along the line before him, I had forgotten how to feel sexy and wanted, like it slipped from my brain when my heart closed up once and for all, the last time I had given up on love.

But when a man looks at a woman that way, with want so desperately apparent in his blue eyes, she can’t deny that it lights a little spark, still hidden in a place that she never knew saved things like that.

And he does look at me that way. And the sparks go crazy. And there’s no way I can’t say I don’t love it.

February 27, 2012


They told me I would know.
I’d feel it.
I’d see it.
It would be right
when it was supposed to be.

Then there you were,

and everyone that came before you
was just practice for this moment.

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February 16, 2012

on the road.

The first time I heard that song,
the yellow highway stripes were
holding a conversation with my mind,
blinking past faster than I could count
and lulling my eyes to heaviness.

Life was in my view,
home behind me

and the wind all around.

I was right between
who I was and
who I wanted to be

and all I could do was

February 14, 2012

g, happy valentine’s day.

They are watching you
save my heart
one quiet breath at a time.

February 7, 2012


If I ever had to go
one night with knowing
your love wasn’t mine,

I’d never sleep,

and I hope the stars
would keep me company,

those sparkly little

January 30, 2012

Late nights
and early mornings
I come home
and my clothes, my hair, my skin, my heart
all still smell of you.

My skin is still scratchy
from your rugged kisses
and your breath is still in my ear.

You are always all over me

And I never want
to wash it off.

January 24, 2012


I am so proud of you, for so many things, but mostly for today. Today is a day that I hope we celebrate many times in the future because really, if you hadn’t been there & gone through life as it was, we wouldn’t be here as good as we are. And I can’t imagine what my days would be like without you.


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January 20, 2012


2 months
and a few hundred smiles later,
here we are, still going
in the direction of optimists.

Forward is such a
good feeling,

and it’s just you
and me.