Posts tagged ‘Colorado’

September 13, 2012

SMASHbook.

I cannot be the only one who loves SMASH books. I made myself make one last year for my 26th year, and honestly, I lost interest pretty quick. I got bored. It was too much work gluing pages of that composition book together to make them strong enough to really hold anything. It felt like it took forever to actually get anything worth showing onto the page.

But a real SMASH book? Fantastic. Greg’s sister, Genny, bought me a wedding edition for my birthday (just 4 wks ago), and I have since gotten 3 more (not including the small one).

They are fun and don’t have to be perfect or super organized. I can add whatever I like, cover up the paper that isn’t really suitable for whatever I’m doing, make it as pretty (or ugly I guess) as I want. They are quick. I mean, we just got home from Colorado just a little over a week ago, and my Colorado 2012 SMASH book is pretty much done, minus some journaling. It would take me months to document otherwise.

Maybe I’ll lose interest, but for now I’m loving SMASHing.

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September 7, 2012

colorado in squares.

September 4, 2012

colorado: royal gorge.

The Royal Gorge was amazing. No joke. AWE-ma-ZING. If you ever get the chance to go, GO. You will not regret that decision. And you’ll probably have fabulous pictures to prove it.

The bridge is long and not particularly wide, but cars still drive over it anyway. They shake and sway the bridge, and the cables are moving with them. I would be lying if I said it didn’t scare me a little bit. It was exciting though too. Odd, I know.

But the view.

The view is worth it x10. Xa million actually. One of those breathtakingly gorgeous views that doesn’t seem to be real. Can’t be real. But it is.

September 3, 2012

back from vaca..

Oh Colorado. Once again, you are beautiful. You fill me with calm, all while making me appreciate the comfort of my Kansas. We will see you again in a few months.

More posts throughout the week of the small adventures we had while there and pictures to accompany them. It feels odd to be posting again after what seemed like a long vacation-hiatus.

But I’m back and at it. Be ready. :)

August 22, 2011

as promised


August 21, 2011

rewind. playback.


I usually would be excited to go to Colorado, but this year, it just seemed like a chore. Like I don’t have time for this! I definitely didn’t have the energy to deal with the nerves that go along with a week-long doctor’s visit. And physical therapy. And occupational therapy. All of it is exhausting with the hurry-up-and-wait, and I just didn’t want to do it at all.

But I went anyway.

I forgot how sad Craig Hospital can be. So many people newly injured. So many who don’t have any idea where they might be next year at this time. So many who muster all their strength just to make it through one day, just to wake up and do it again the next day. I can hardly believe that at one time, that was me. I was the one that probably looked at and thought “Oh God, poor kid.”

I’m no paralysis expert, but in 8 years, I have learned a thing or two. Sometimes figuring things out for myself is the only way, and I think that it is one of the hardest things I had to learn. What works for me might not work for someone else. So when I go back to Craig and they ask me to give someone a little pep talk about how good life can be after injury, I always feel like I’m lying a bit. MY life has been good post-injury, but my life is completely different than what it was before too. I have times where I am angry or jealous of “walking” people and all that they take for granted. I despise people who stare like I am some kind of alien. I have an ache in my legs when I think hard or long enough about running because I miss it so much. I can’t explain those feelings to a new patient. They’re still fragile, and I know they need encouraging words, not some girl telling them to buck up because it’s hard as shit. And that being happy might take some work every single day, but that it is totally worth it.

This time, Colorado was something new for me. A time to be thankful that I have come to this place, where knowing that I was that fragile is almost foreign. It’s like the girl I was when I was newly injured is so far behind me. I knew I had things in life to accomplish, and I was going to be damned if a wheelchair was going to stop them from happening. I never thought of myself to be quite as strong as people take me for, but maybe deciding that happiness will be an everyday part of my life is the strong part of me.

More pics to come later.

August 28, 2010

there is no place like home.


Silverthorne, Colorado August 2010

Sometimes it’s good for you to get away. A change of scenery, a change of people, something fresh and calming. It’s also really good to get back home and know that you need to appreciate the things and people that you see and feel and love every other day.

The getting home part is just as good as the getting away this time.

July 8, 2008

a familiar old flame.

My love affair with Denver, and Colorado in general, has again been rekindled. I love the air, the mountains, the traffic, the atmosphere, the true blue sky, and the people. And I love the feeling that I can start completely fresh here, a new story instead of the same boring one that the Kansas me lives everyday, even if only for a week this time.

Each time I come here, no matter how short a visit, I can see myself staying, and while I’m here, that thought doesn’t scare me.

It excites me.

Here’s to looking forward to a short week of good times and good laughs…

July 2, 2008

mess.

ineedaspa

That is what my life is right now.  Chaotic and stressful, even though things were supposed to be settling down after summer classes let out.

I have been trying to saturate my brain with everything that these SLR books have in them, and although I am learning (and re-learning everything that I have already been taught in the 2 photography classes previously), I wish it all just came naturally.  I mean, I have a lot of ideas about what I want my pictures to look like when I see something worth photographing, but it’s been a long time since I had any experience with a camera of this kind.  The more I do it, the better I’ll get though.  Hopefully.

I’ve also been trying to get everything planned for Colorado.  We’re not staying as long as we usually do, and there are more things I want to do than time we actually have to do them all.  Narrowing down the list is disappointing, but by the end of the week, I hope to have an itinerary to follow while we’re there.

And while we’re talking about messes, my room is a disaster.  If I had yellow tape, I would put it up around my door.  I just have too much stuff for the space I have.  I looked at a house on Sunday, but have decided against looking at it again.  It’s cute and close to my parents’ house, just in case.  But it’s small too.  I mean, if I am gonna make the effort of moving out and settling in somewhere, even if for a year or two, I want it to be big enough yet cozy enough to be ‘home.’  So I’ll just keep on waiting.  Living in a cluttered room.

Tomorrow, or later today depending on which time zone you’re in, I am going to continue reading the SLR books in the sun and generally being lazy for the afternoon.  I am looking forward to it.

June 24, 2008

Cleansing.

Close up.

Has there ever been a time in your life when you look around and think ‘How did I get here?  What brought me to this?  What am I doing?’  Today, I had one of those moments.  It usually happens when a trip is close and I am feeling anxious to get somewhere clean of any stress and drama.  I took some time for myself, which was needed, and just sat there, and thought about things.  I know that all the changes that have been happening lately really are better for me and the way I want to live my life in the future.  

One of the big changes:  re-evaluating who my friends are.  I know everyone has heard that “you find out who your friends are when times get tough.”  Well, I’ve already been through that once in my life and weeded out the bad seeds then.  Actually, they weeded themselves out by just disappearing.  That was tough, and it took me a long time to overcome the hurt that I felt.  This time, it’s different.  I’m not going through some life-altering injury or crisis;  I just need to figure myself out.  And I only want people around me who are going to be productive, positive people in my life.  Some of the people who have been friends with me for years are some of the ones that I just don’t understand anymore.  It seems that the friends I have made in the past year or so are the ones I am closest to now.  And I think that they now who they are. 

And what do I have in common with these old people anymore anyway?  Nothing, really.  I am not like them anymore.  We all have different goals and aspirations.  A few of them are content with being less than what they could be.  Can they not see the potential they have?  Or are they just too scared to go after it?  I don’t understand either way.  Maybe I am the one who has the problem.  Maybe I’m too ambitious.

I’m just frustrated with this place, these people, the continuously repetitive schedule all the time.  I don’t want it anymore.  I don’t want this place, and I don’t want these people.  I want new ones and new experiences and a new life.  I am counting down the days until I can make a clean break from here and be free to do whatever I want and be wherever I want to be.  Only 11 months until graduation.  I’m going to actively start looking for jobs in Denver soon, and I am hightailing it as soon as I can.  My family and close friends are the only things holding me here.  If for any strange reason I were to stick around, it would be for them.  I won’t be homesick.  I’ll be family-sick.  

I realize that this entire post reeks of conceit and pretentiousness, but I can’t help that right now, this is the way I feel.  Censoring myself isn’t what is going to me feel any better about the situation so I won’t. Some might be offended, but the true friends who read this will know who I am addressing.  

June 17, 2008

whine.

I really, really, REALLY wish I could go shooting (pictures, duh) around town today, but I’ll be stuck in the library (again) writing.

Only 9 days to go!

And we leave in exactly 3 weeks for Colorado.  I can hardly contain myself!

May 21, 2008

home isn’t always where the heart is.

When the Big Apple took a little bit of you,
I didn’t feel so guilty
about giving a part of myself
to the mountains.
When I see you missing the bright lights,
I imagine my fresh air and snow-capped horizon.
I miss my place, the way you miss yours.
Compromise leaves us here
stuck in the middle
of a geographical game of tug and war,
leaving tiny bits
of each of ourselves unfulfilled.

April 14, 2008

Stream of thoughts at 2 a.m.

I hate it when I am lying in bed in the dark staring at the ceiling, and my mind just keeps running.  Late at night is usually when I seem to make the bigger decisions in my life.  I have the peace and quiet to actually absorb everything, instead of hearing the constant chaos that is my life.

I realized that lately everything has been so stressful and hectic that I am wearing myself down.  The last few days haven’t been too bad because I forced myself to take a break (literally, I did no homework for 3 days straight!) to breathe.  Before that though, I thought I might completely shut down or die of exhuastion, not exactly a good feeling.

But tonight, I just told myself that no matter what, I am slowing down.  Life is too short to worry about small things.  I can handle a little stress, but overloads aren’t good.  Prioritizing things differently might help.  School is always number 1, but Betheny is right.  It’s not everything, and I don’t have to have a perfect GPA (although I wouldn’t mind a perfect GPA if it wasn’t so hard).  I cannot believe there are only 4 weeks left in this semester.  Only 2 more semesters to go!!!!!

Also, along the lines of “life is too short” again, I feel like I should go for everything I want.  Without holding back.  I don’t want to go through the next 10 years afraid of being hurt and avoiding showing someone (yes, that someone) my real feelings.  He already knows, he’s always known.  But I told him a long time ago when maybe it wasn’t the right time.  Now is the right time.  I would definitely regret it if I don’t make sure he still knows, and I don’t want to look back and wish I had.  Everytime I’m around him I can be myself and say anything and be happy or sad or unsure or crazy.  He takes all of me, good and bad.  I told myself that I was past the desire to have anything other than a friendship with him, but now I am realizing that I’m probably not.  It’s the way he looks at me.  And the way he watches when other guys are around me.  Maybe it’s just me, hoping.  Maybe he doesn’t feel the same as he did when he said he loved me, but then again, maybe he does.  I think so, but I am going to find out because I need to.  When I look ahead, I could see myself with him.  But if not, I know, and he knows, that we’ll always be good friends.  I can’t imagine life without him, no matter what relationship we have.  And believe me, there are very few people that I can say that about.

I know now, too, that maybe the relationship with Nick an unconscious attempt on my part at distracting myself from wanting the other one.  That is so shallow of me, but looking back, did I really think Nick and I would have worked out?  No.  I don’t know why it lasted as long as it did.  We were completely different, and even though I did care about him, it wasn’t like I should have.  I think I held back with him more than I would have had things been right.  And if you read this, I’m sorry, Nick.

So besides a confusing love life (or halfway-existant love life, I guess) I’m just ready to start new with lots of things.  I am excited about my weight lifting class, which is going to force me to keep the motivation up, and my Colorado trip this summer.  I miss the mountains.  I plan on going skydiving sometime in August (hopefully for my birthday) and spending lots of time at the lake.

I have a feeling that this summer is going to be a good one.