Posts tagged ‘confidence’

February 10, 2011

i’m still learning.


I’m not too much of a lip stick girl. In fact, I wear as little makeup as possible most of the time. I go with some powder, mascara and Chapstick on a normal basis, but that’s about it. Eyeliner and lip gloss on the weekends. I’m really pretty simple.

Lately I’m on a lip stain kick. I like that it stays on and makes me feel pretty. I like that it takes so little to do that. (I know, the black and white doesn’t make it look like I have any on.) I think I am coming into my own and finding a different kind of confidence in myself, a grown-up kind, where I don’t need the approval of someone else to feel good about who I am. I only need to feel it within myself.

I have to admit that I am feeling quite liberated in that sense. I love that part most of all.

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December 14, 2009

insecure.

I want to feel beautiful in my body too.
I want to feel soft and sexy and sensual and full,
with curves that flow in the soft light
and hold a cashmere sweater in all the right ways.
I want to feel comfortable,
the beautiful comfortable that is used and thrown away.

Instead I got stuck with being broken.

January 25, 2009

sprouting.

I am always so critical of myself, and for the most part I know that I shouldn’t be. I am good at what I do, right? I should have more confidence in it. I’ve been working really hard on that and have been succeeding, especially since I took this TSCPL internship and am proving myself in a real position of a fast-paced environment. It’s done so much for my small insecurities as well as turning some of the large insecurities into small ones. (It’s just my luck that I would get this internship when the great book debacle is happening, eh? But that makes the PR jobs even more exciting!)

One aspect that has greatly improved is my photography. The above picture was featured on today’s “The Daily Click” on the Shutter Sisters website, which I credit for giving me many instances of inspiration over the past year and teaching me more about photography than I ever imagined a website could. I have always been shy about taking my camera out in public and snapping too many pictures, but slowly I am coming out of that shell. People (usually) are flattered when you want to photograph them, as long as they know about it. Being sneaky is what freaks them out, I have found.

This experience has made me feel that I have matured more in the past month than I have over my entire college career. There is something that makes being dressed up and wearing an official TSCPL badge that feels very important and sophisticated.

And I like that.

(Sorry for all the talk of my internship/job, but it’s still the excitement in my life right now.)

April 21, 2008

A little of this, a little of that.

I’ve been making a habit of the good days.    The weather has been nice, which makes things easier.  Today especially, I felt…..oh, how do I say it…..beautiful.  Not that I don’t any other day (wow, that sounded conceited), but it’s true.  

After that short bout of stress and anxiety, I was starting to feel a little down on myself.  Finally, I have come back to the self I really know.  Having that sense of confidence back is a great feeling.

I was talking to a friend a week or so ago about confidence.  She argued that most girls or women feel at their best when they are in a relationship.  While I don’t disagree with her, I know that I am just not one of those type of women.  I don’t need a relationship to make me feel good about myself.  If fact, I have learned that I feel my most confident when I’m not in a relationship. I know, a lot of people think that’s weird; that the comfort that a boyfriend brings should make me feel secure and beautiful.  It does.  But not as much as when I feel independent and free to do what I want with no questions looming from someone else.

And that is how I know I’m not even ready for a ‘real’ relationship at this point in my life…..no matter how much I care about (someone), I’m just at a selfish place, and I am pretty sure he is too.  If in time, things are different, then maybe there would be a chance.  Now, there’s not.

And I am okay with that.