Posts tagged ‘empty’

May 19, 2010

see through you.

It’s as empty as you are
sitting alone in the kitchen
on the counter catching
whatever rays the sun
feels up to offering today.

It’s as dry as you are
without the liquor to keep it useful
and it’s probably as happy too.

That empty glass
is exactly what we are.

Each alone
and completely void.

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February 23, 2009

Finally.

My dad has been in the hospital for the past 9 days, and finally tomorrow he is coming home. It’s feels empty around here without him. I hate it.

October 21, 2008

I miss you, love.

Since I’m in this mood lately, a somberness that really has enveloped me and my thoughts, I feel okay about admitting some things to the world, or whoever may be my readers. But as a warning to you, this is actually a whiny post. Press forward accordingly.

First, I miss love. I really, really miss love, having that feeling, knowing that someone else is behind me, supporting me and is completely on my team. I miss the good that it brought into my life, and the happiness that it made me feel. I miss really feeling like I had an importance in someone else’s life and wanting someone else to be happy, even if it meant more than my own wants. I miss looking forward to calls after work, and having a special ringer on my phone for just one person. I miss so much about it that I couldn’t list it all. The things that it made me discover about myself would never have been uncovered without it. I have had this yearn inside of me lately to feel that again. It’s an ache, and it hurts like a heaviness.

And once I acknowledged it, this welling of feelings came and now I know what is missing. How I have ignored this fact for the past weeks is not hard to see since I haven’t had hardly a free minute to myself to even think about anything.

I miss love. Even saying it makes the thought more potent.

I haven’t had that feeling for a long time, before everything with TM was tainted with injuries and a pregnancy, before we both tried too hard to fix what just can’t be. I loved him, but I hung on too long, just because I could. I know that most of the ‘love’ I have had since were just poor attempts at replacing him and what he gave me. Now that I don’t want him, moving on is the thing to do.

After this weekend, and the loss of a friend, I feel that I have to give myself that chance again. This friend’s fiancee is dealing with what I would never want to, losing him forever, but I also know that she wouldn’t trade this hurt over the love they shared either. Love trumps hurt, even if the hurt may last longer than the love.

I only have what I know and have felt.

It can be again for me, but I suppose I have to put forth an effort. I am trying really hard to have faith in the way that things are supposed to be, that serendipity truly is real and will take be where I should be. But this effort is starting tomorrow, even if it takes me forever to find that feeling again, I will.

It might take me 1,345,623,849 tries to find that one person who makes me love again, but trying is going to be half the fun. Crushes are just that, even with as much excitement as a crush brings, I am hoping a crush is what I turn into more.

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