Posts tagged ‘happy’

March 18, 2011

highlight of my week.

Now, let me tell you, my office sits at about 85 degrees. ALL. THE. TIME. I always get made fun of because I’m basically a popsicle. This little gem popped up on my desk yesterday from Dan, a coating guy, at work. He isn’t interested (believe me, I know), but he’s just a sweetheart. This particular one says “Dan was here. Damn, is it hot in here or is it just you?”

I needed a smile, and there it was.

August 1, 2010

and then there was this.

This place,
this feeling, this moment
is just right for
feeling worth everything.

This is going to take me somewhere
I forgot about.

and I’m just fine with

July 8, 2010

when I can smile
and let the wind
graze my face
and wrestle my hair

when I can
let the sunshine
paint my pale skin
a golden tan
and drink from a glass
dripping its own sweat

when I am laughing
at the heat of summer

I am happiest.

June 17, 2010

oh, summer.

I think the thing I love most about summer, besides the smell of fresh cut grass, is the brightness of everything. You can’t tell me these colors aren’t gorgeous and uplifting.

April 12, 2010

ever feel this way?

March 2, 2010

make me happy today.

who are you,little i

(five or six years old)
peering from some high

window;at the gold

of november sunset

(and feeling:that if day
has to become night

this is a beautiful way)

–e.e. cummings

November 10, 2008

hanging onto hope

Today turned out to be a great day, despite cold and dreary weather.
I haven’t felt so confident, so self-assured, and appreciated in a long time.

And it feels so good.

I am going to continue the positivity into tomorrow
when Aunt Nancy goes in for yet another test of some kind.

I haven’t quite sorted out how I will handle the news
if it truly is the cancer that will kill her. I think I know it,
but the words are what will make it real.
And I’m not sure I’m ready for that.
People beat cancer, everyday, in every state,
so I can only hope that hoping can save her.
She may be halfway across the country,
but she’s still my aunt.

I’m on the up-swing again, folks.

p.s. 185 days to graduation.

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June 13, 2008

Hem it up.

I’ve been making changes lately,
decisions that have altered
the way I look, the way I feel,
and the way everything around me looks and feels.
I’ve shied away from some of the people I had been surrounding myself with
and all the drama that came with them.
And I’m not worrying about what comes next,
even when the graduation I have wanted is less than a year away.
These changes are making me happy again,
these changes are getting things back to normal, and
these changes are what I have been waiting for.

I am smiling and looking forward to the future,
whether more changes occur or not.
Right now, they’re right.

June 6, 2008

Parallels of the Carrie’s.

While out for lunch today with friends, we were talking about the new Sex and the City movie, which none of us have yet to see but all want to.  In this discussion, one of them (a male who watches SATC!) compared to the Carrie Bradshaw.

Okay, besides the name thing, it’s a total coincidence that she’s a writer with blonde curly hair who dates all the wrong men.  Otherwise, you’d think that Candace Bushnell was writing about me when she wrote her book.  I guess I never realized that I had anything major in common with the character until today even though I have loved the show for a while now.

It got me to thinking though.  

We all know that Carrie goes back to Big in the last episode of the series, and obviously from the previews of the movie, they’re planning on getting married.  I’ve always gunned for them to be together, in a serious monogamous relationship, because I think they quite compliment each other.  But they always had obstacles in their way. Wives, ex-wives, boyfriends, their own stubbornness, fear of being hurt, etc. It was always something.  

And now I know.  TM is my Big.  He’s the one who is always the guy who I come back to.  Always the one that I forgive.  Always the one that knows me better than anyone.  Always the one who can make me smile even though he was the reason I cried too many times.  Always the one who I will love forever and ever (and EVER!). And the one relationship that should be the easiest, but still, it has the most obstacles too.  

It’s ridiculous how twisted my heart is around him.  Sure, right now we are just friends (as anyone who reads this regularly knows).  But who am I kidding?  Can I just be friends with him?  Strictly friends, without any other feelings coming into play.  No. I can’t. There’s always something stronger there for him, even if it isn’t acted upon.  He’s the constant that I have.  No matter who I date or care about, he’s the one who is always constantly holding a piece of me.  I’ve tried harder than anything to make that go away, but what a waste of time that was.  So, no, we aren’t just friends.  But we aren’t in a relationship either.

Right now, I’m not expecting anything to happen.  I’ve learned that expectations and getting my hopes up only puts a strain on things.  Relationships don’t work with strains.  

A few friends (who I might add don’t have the best relationship records themselves) think that I am stupid for even talking to him again after all that happened.  Maybe they are right, but I don’t care.  It’s not their life, or their heart, and I have never run to them when things have gone wrong anyway.   I deal with things by myself usually when it comes to him, except for what Kristi gives me advice on.  

Either way, things with him are on the right track.  No arguing or bitterness makes everyone happy.  

May 27, 2008

Daddy’s girl.

Mark and Makinna

He’s my little brother.
She’s his little girl.

Something about this just makes me very happy.
To see him happy and her happy, it’s a great thing.
She definitely loves her daddy.

May 20, 2008

Good day. May 19.

–I saved a bunch of money on books for my summer classes because not only did I find them all used, but the bookstore gives back money now. Who knew??!


–I had extra money (because of the books savings) and I bought a new pair of sunglasses. And a pair of earrings. And pants for my weight lifting class. It was so nice to have a (small) shopping spree.

–I haven’t been stressed so today just seemed very easy. Nothing was pressured or hurried or had to be done on time to move onto the next thing. I love it.

–Finalized plans for Colorado. Well, mostly. It’s a big relief.

–The weather was gorgeous.

–Finally (because of such gorgeous weather), I was able to wear my cute capris and top and feel great about it. There really is a confidence that goe along with feeling beautiful. When school is in session, I have been known to go to class with no makeup and in my favorite jeans and hoodie. It’s what I do. There’s nobody to impress when you’re in college–well at least, not to me. If they don’t understand that I am a jeans and tee kind of girl, then they aren’t gonna like me no matter what I wear.

–We had dinner together (me, Mom and Dad) and it was fun. Sometimes it’s nice to have real conversation without the kids or anyone else around. Plus I can talk to my parents about stuff that nobody else wants to hear. I hope this summer holds many more of these dinners.  After dinner, Mom and I went to Walmart.  I’ve never laughed so much in a Walmart in my life.

–I am very much looking forward to sitting in the sun with my book tomorrow to get some color!

May 13, 2008

Finally finals.

Only one more essay and a law final to go.  

My stress level has gone down by about 200%, and I have been feeling good.  Not even any weird crazy panic worry attacks.  

I watched the Labyrinth today, and it made me smile.  I can’t remember a time when watching that movie didn’t remind me of being a kid and being scared of David Bowie.But man, I loved Huggle. 

I’ll write more when I find some time after the next few days. 

April 21, 2008

A little of this, a little of that.

I’ve been making a habit of the good days.    The weather has been nice, which makes things easier.  Today especially, I felt…..oh, how do I say it…..beautiful.  Not that I don’t any other day (wow, that sounded conceited), but it’s true.  

After that short bout of stress and anxiety, I was starting to feel a little down on myself.  Finally, I have come back to the self I really know.  Having that sense of confidence back is a great feeling.

I was talking to a friend a week or so ago about confidence.  She argued that most girls or women feel at their best when they are in a relationship.  While I don’t disagree with her, I know that I am just not one of those type of women.  I don’t need a relationship to make me feel good about myself.  If fact, I have learned that I feel my most confident when I’m not in a relationship. I know, a lot of people think that’s weird; that the comfort that a boyfriend brings should make me feel secure and beautiful.  It does.  But not as much as when I feel independent and free to do what I want with no questions looming from someone else.

And that is how I know I’m not even ready for a ‘real’ relationship at this point in my life… matter how much I care about (someone), I’m just at a selfish place, and I am pretty sure he is too.  If in time, things are different, then maybe there would be a chance.  Now, there’s not.

And I am okay with that.

March 24, 2008

Hippin’ and hoppin’.

I am in such a good mood at the moment for absolutely no reason other than I can be (even though there has been a few stressful things going on, but I’ll go into that tomorrow).  The weather was beautiful today.  My bio professor gave us a take-home test over material I don’t really care to have a real test over to save “precious class time.”  Lupe Fiasco is filling my ears and making me shake what I can.  And I am very much looking forward to this weekend.  All homework WILL be done, and partying will be happening (okay, I know I said I was calming down but it’s Lindley and Aaron’s LAST weekend at the apartment!).

I only hope this keeps up all week.