Posts tagged ‘home’

May 13, 2013

a green thumb.

I’ve been getting excited about moving (I really need to slow down until we sign more papers-but I can’t), and I’ve been imaging all the way we can make the front of the house (as well as the back deck) pretty and inviting. I have been trying to make sure I can keep something alive before we spend money on any plants. I mean, there’s no use if I am just going to kill them.Image

These little daisies are doing just fine though. Green and growing fast. Soon, I’ll have to transfer them into a bigger pot, but for now they are okay in this smaller pot. Seeing them grow and watching them change has me wanting to get more. Nobody can really have too many daisies, right?

 

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May 12, 2013

project life update.

Another quick Project Life post, as I am trying to keep up. We basically went from one stressful planning event to another, buying a house. But in the end, it is going to be more than worth it. We are excited and anxious and ready for it to be ours. Personally, I am waiting for something to come up that snatches it away from us. It seems like something always trips up our big plans, right?

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February 2, 2012

screech.

Saving money isn’t fun. Nobody really saves money without a goal in mind. Or at least I never have. I like having money in the bank, sure, but spending it would be more fun if I didn’t have something awesome to buy in the future.

In this case: the house. Duh.

I have enough for a down payment on a hefty loan to build, but an extra cushion will be nice. So no more lunches out or unnecessary DIY projects and no more I-have-to-have-it purchases in the next few months. Hardcore saving. Hoarding money. That’s what I am going to be doing.

I’m getting more and more excited about the house again by the way. There for a bit, it was just too much stress to even think about much less make plans for. Now I am ready to get going so that everything else can fall into place too.

And GO!

August 7, 2011

thoughts.

+ I started my (homemade, of course) first Smash book. I hadn’t planned on doing a 26 book, but I think a Smash book would be easier (and sloppier and more fun) than a normal tidy mini book on what happens this year.

+ Birthday weekend was a success. Two great nights with great friends….but not so great hangovers.

+ I went to the bank and talked to the loan manager. I have a better understanding of how the “process” of building a house is going to go….so now I am going to start making the calls to the right people. :)

+ And the crazy penny-pinching is starting too.

+ Those days when a little compliment starts it off right are the best.

+ I am again hooked on Words with Friends. Man, who knew Scrabble could be so fun?

May 21, 2011

let’s get on the ball.

I’ve had a lot to figure out lately. Not just emotionally–because let’s face it, I’m always confused in that way–but just in general. If I am really going to do this build-a-house thing, I have a lot to get done. It’s probably the biggest commitment I’ve ever set my foot in so we’ll just hope it doesn’t all fall through. I should stop procrastinating. After all, I think this process is going to take long enough without pushing anything too far into the future.

GO! (And I’m already exhausted.)

May 10, 2011

i really do love kansas.

As if you really needed proof, here it is.

I have seen cute takes on I Love My State type of stuff before, but this picture on Pinterest (never has there been a better inspiration site) made me smile. Then it made me go buy a canvas and bright yellow paint. It seemed very appropriate, given my obsession with sunshine.

I had read this tutorial by Meredith and mostly followed the same steps. I outlined my white Kansas with a fine line black Sharpie after it was done drying though. I think the outline really adds something to it, even though it’s so simple. I also sprayed the finished canvas with a clear matte finishing spray for a little protection.

I love the way it turned out. So simple but still pretty and dare I say, powerful? There is something about saying you love the place you are. It’s powerful, yes.

January 11, 2011

winter wonderland.

Snow, snow. It’s always pretty at first, then it just becomes a pain. Cold and wet and yucky and not white anymore, but nasty brown. Today was the first big snow (almost 10″), and the pretty still is hanging around though. Tomorrow might be a different story.

And while everyone else is out sledding and having fun, I’ll be in my office getting things ready for the auditor next week. Talk about a drag. I’d rather be curled up with my Kindle and a cup of cocoa.

*pout*



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April 1, 2010

you can’t tell me this isn’t pretty cool.

And if you did, I wouldn’t believe you.

For the entire day today, Google has changed its name to Topeka. :) Home sweet home. More can be read about the cause behind the change here.

November 25, 2009

Thanksgiving + family.


Tink’s tootsies, November 25, 2009

Thanksgiving this year is going to be a bit different. For one, we aren’t having a dinner. I know, Thanksgiving with no family dinner? Well, considering that almost everyone is sick or has been sick within the past two weeks with this awful flu, my mom decided maybe it was best that we all just stay at home and keep the sicknesses from spreading even further. We definitely don’t need any more sick babies around here. I doubt anyone would feel up to cooking or eating as much food as we usually have on Thanksgiving anyway, so we’re waiting until we’re all healthy and hungry to do that. Plus we’re all collectively losing weight by not eating much! We’re gonna need good fattening food.

I never really appreciated family or family events when I was younger. As I have gotten older and became friends with my siblings and parents, it’s much easier to just hang out with them. We can sit around, have a beer, and laugh. I can really only speak for myself, but I think that the rest of them enjoy it and appreciate it more now too.

We are the type of family that has every personality type and too many stubborn heads. We have been known to argue, fight, scream, cry, and hold each other when it’s needed too. We are also the family that huddles together around whoever needs and protects that person from everything. We are the family that defends its own. We are strong and bonded, and we are that way because cracks that were there have been patched.

I hope this never changes. They are who I am thankful for.

February 23, 2009

Finally.

My dad has been in the hospital for the past 9 days, and finally tomorrow he is coming home. It’s feels empty around here without him. I hate it.

December 16, 2008

home.


My house, and its surroundings. December 14, 2008

I have learned that some things aren’t going to go my way,
and some people are going to be harder to please than others.
It may be grey when I need sunshine,
and a frown has secured its spot where a smile should be.
I just go home, snuggle into a blanket, reach for a book, and
let it go.

It really is home where I can be myself,
with people who know me, love me, and help me grow,
even when they are the ones driving me toward insanity.

It really is the best place to be, and I wouldn’t choose anywhere else.
No matter where I end up in the future, whatever city, whatever state,
apartment, house, shack, or huge mansion,
the white house on the corner,
with windows too drafty in wintertime
and ceiling fans a-going all summer cooling hardwood floors,
in the neighborhood with streets named for presidents,
will always be home.

October 11, 2008

around this time.


Kansas, October 10, 2008

I remember when I first fell in love, and the weather on that day was just like it is today. We had to crunch through dry leaves on his driveway, and there was a big pumpkin on the porch. Fall felt good, and the wind smelled of that dry dust that comes with the need to rake.

I remember being young, and possibly too naive, but I remember that the feeling was by itself great. He had captured me after a few months of the chase, and giving in was the most spontaneous I had probably ever been.

I remember only wanting to be with him because he was in the plans for the future.

I remember that he was one of the greatest guys I had ever met, at that point.

His kiss on my forehead was all that I needed to smile, and I could sit without complaint to watch him slave away working on 4-wheelers. Spending time with him was my idea of fun.

I remember being in love.

August 25, 2008

neverland?


In a place where I sometimes feel that everyone has turned into robots, cold and angular, just working for material things and status, I found a tiny bit of goodness left.

On the drive home tonight, after spending 5 hours in the library studying for classes this week, I was behind a new Jaguar, still with its 30-day tag crisp on its back end. The weather was nice, not hot enough for an air conditioner and not cold enough for a heater. I saw the window come down and out came a grey precision suited arm. The man held it there in the wind, and then he moved his hand up and down, making waves the way I’ve seen kids do a million times out of the window. I remember doing it too when I was younger.

He turned off into the neighborhood of expensive colonial-style houses and still had his arm out as I passed the street he turned on. I’m not sure why it made me smile, but just the thought of a 50-something businessman, who obviously lived in an expensive home and drove a brand new Jag, getting a kick out of feeling the wind through his fingers on such a nice day made the frustration of the day melt away.

I have often dreaded growing up, coming out of the age where being young and spontaneous and forgetful and dreamy isn’t acceptable anymore, into an age where being responsible and rigid is what is expected. It scares me to grow up sometimes, to gain all these heavy responsibilities, to be the one that other people, one day even children, will rely on. But seeing a grey suited arm out that window today gave me a hope, an assurance that, yes, I can still be the dreamy person I am, even if it’s just on the way home from work each day.

June 24, 2008

Cleansing.

Close up.

Has there ever been a time in your life when you look around and think ‘How did I get here?  What brought me to this?  What am I doing?’  Today, I had one of those moments.  It usually happens when a trip is close and I am feeling anxious to get somewhere clean of any stress and drama.  I took some time for myself, which was needed, and just sat there, and thought about things.  I know that all the changes that have been happening lately really are better for me and the way I want to live my life in the future.  

One of the big changes:  re-evaluating who my friends are.  I know everyone has heard that “you find out who your friends are when times get tough.”  Well, I’ve already been through that once in my life and weeded out the bad seeds then.  Actually, they weeded themselves out by just disappearing.  That was tough, and it took me a long time to overcome the hurt that I felt.  This time, it’s different.  I’m not going through some life-altering injury or crisis;  I just need to figure myself out.  And I only want people around me who are going to be productive, positive people in my life.  Some of the people who have been friends with me for years are some of the ones that I just don’t understand anymore.  It seems that the friends I have made in the past year or so are the ones I am closest to now.  And I think that they now who they are. 

And what do I have in common with these old people anymore anyway?  Nothing, really.  I am not like them anymore.  We all have different goals and aspirations.  A few of them are content with being less than what they could be.  Can they not see the potential they have?  Or are they just too scared to go after it?  I don’t understand either way.  Maybe I am the one who has the problem.  Maybe I’m too ambitious.

I’m just frustrated with this place, these people, the continuously repetitive schedule all the time.  I don’t want it anymore.  I don’t want this place, and I don’t want these people.  I want new ones and new experiences and a new life.  I am counting down the days until I can make a clean break from here and be free to do whatever I want and be wherever I want to be.  Only 11 months until graduation.  I’m going to actively start looking for jobs in Denver soon, and I am hightailing it as soon as I can.  My family and close friends are the only things holding me here.  If for any strange reason I were to stick around, it would be for them.  I won’t be homesick.  I’ll be family-sick.  

I realize that this entire post reeks of conceit and pretentiousness, but I can’t help that right now, this is the way I feel.  Censoring myself isn’t what is going to me feel any better about the situation so I won’t. Some might be offended, but the true friends who read this will know who I am addressing.  

June 2, 2008

30 things.

1. “Stiffen that uppa lip up, little lady.” (I tell myself that when I am feeling a cry coming on. And it sometimes even works.)
2. I have been really disappointed in a lot of my friends lately. It’s making me see them differently.
3. I don’t have room for anything anymore. My bedroom is a wreck.
4. I hate goodbyes.
5. I love the NHRA drag races. It’s about as redneck as I get.
6. I secretly think Cory Mac (the racer) is pretty cute.
7. I like being alone most of the time. I can deal with myself just fine.
8. And single isn’t bad, but sometimes I miss having someone who is always on my team.
9. There are 2 guys in this world that I have claimed for myself. Yet neither one of them are actually mine.
10. And they’ve both told me they love me. And again, neither one are mine.
11. I have only given up on one of them.
12. I find inspiration through so many avenues I couldn’t begin to list them all.
13. I cannot forget the feeling of running, even though I lost the feeling of my legs.
14. Sometimes when I drink I get really emotional. I don’t know where it comes from.
15. That’s why I quit drinking. I can’t handle the unexpected crying and feelings.
16. There are times when disappearing and never coming back looks like the best solution.
17. All TM (guy #1 of the above 2 guys) has to do is smirk to make me feel so dizzy over him again.
18. I know that no matter what happens, he’ll probably be very important to me always.
19. Eating healthy is hard to do sometimes.
20. I don’t consider myself a feminist, but I am a strong, independent woman who fights for what I deserve. It’s a matter of self-respect.
21. I am learning to be more adventurous.
22. The only person I like to be emotionally dependent on is myself.
23. Being a mommy one day is going to be my biggest accomplishment in my life. I already know that.
24. But I am happy with what I have accomplished so far.
25. I like having a quiet confidence rather than having to flaunt myself to be noticed.
26. I consider myself to be one-of-a-kind. hehe.
27. One of my biggest weaknesses is not being able to tell someone when I am angry at them.
28. I say “Fuck” too much, but I’m working on quitting.
29. Most people want to lose weight. I want to gain at least 10 pounds.
30. I get bored easily, no matter what the situation. I need some excitement.

May 21, 2008

home isn’t always where the heart is.

When the Big Apple took a little bit of you,
I didn’t feel so guilty
about giving a part of myself
to the mountains.
When I see you missing the bright lights,
I imagine my fresh air and snow-capped horizon.
I miss my place, the way you miss yours.
Compromise leaves us here
stuck in the middle
of a geographical game of tug and war,
leaving tiny bits
of each of ourselves unfulfilled.

April 2, 2008

again.

I wish I had my camera with me.  I’m at the library (have been for a few hours) and it seriously looks like I have moved in here.  Only 1 more month before I can be done with all this (for a few weeks anyway)!

March 29, 2008

Right here, right now.

The older I get and the more comfortable I am, the happier I am here.  I used to want out of Topeka, out of Kansas in general, so badly, but now I can almost see myself staying around.

That’s a weird feeling.  Content.  In Topeka.

In high school, it was a mortal sin to want to stay here to go to Washburn for college.  Anyone with a brain and anyone who was of any importance of course going to KU or K-State, or if they were ultra lucky and got scholarships, out of state.  My mind had been set on KU for years; I was practically born chanting Rock Chalk Jayhawk.

When the accident happened and things were sidelined for a year, priorities changed.  I was so ready to start over that Washburn seemed like a heaven.  I just wanted out of house and to be motivated again.  Moving to Lawrence to KU was definitely doable but not very practical in the situation I was in.  

Now I’m a proud Ichabod and can’t imagine finishing school anywhere else (but of course I still am a HUGE KU fan).

I was thinking earlier about how so many people’s plans didn’t go the way they expected.  Half of my graduating class goes to or has gradated from Washburn.  Some have bought houses, had babies, and been successful so far.  So much for going big and getting out of here.

Maybe as we get older (not that 22 is old, but I guess it’s more along the lines of growing up…) we realize that the dreams and plans and aspirations that we had when we were 17 or 18 just aren’t as realistic as we thought.  Partying isn’t all there is to life, and no matter where you are, the people can suck it up bigtime.

Happiness isn’t getting what you want; it’s wanting what you got.  And right now, having a normal life is sounding pretty good to me.  A glamourous job doesn’t seem so important.  I want a good man, to be a good wife, and to spend all the time I can with the little babies that good man and I will have.  

Considering my chronic indecisiveness, tomorrow I may feel differently.  But for today, being where I am, on the road to having all that one day, is good enough for me.

February 26, 2008

Home sweet home.

I’ve thought many times about moving out, getting my own place, maybe even buying. I always talked myself out of it, telling myself to wait until after college or wait until I get a job. Plus I never wanted to stay in Topeka long after graduation so there was no point in rushing into a committment of housing that I knew wouldn’t be lasting.

I saw a billboard a while back about lofts in downtown. I never imagined wanting to live downtown, never had the thought even cross into my thoughts until I saw that billboard. I finally looked at the website. And now I am in love with the idea. They’re beautiful (and almost just like the condo that I completely fell in love with in Branson). The realtor, head renovator, and I have discussed it even, and since all the spaces aren’t filled or renovated yet, they said I could probably buy the space and then work with the designers to layout the loft just the way I want, ensuring that the kitchen and bathrooms are completely accessible. It makes me want it so much more! I have the excited tingles just thinking of it.

Staying in Topeka wouldn’t be so bad because it’s a good town to start in, get experience in my field, and build myself up for the idea of going to Denver, if I should still want to.

A place for myself is something I definitely want. And sometimes it’s something I desperately need for my own sanity. Lately I feel caged, like I can’t go anywhere without somone hovering. If I had my own home, I could crawl in bed, close the blinds, and turn off the phone for a while so I can just relax with some quiet.

I am not sure if I’ll actually decide to buy a loft there, but the opportunity to design it myself…with the designers and their obvious great taste and abilites…is almost too good to pass up! I’ll keep the updates on this coming.