Posts tagged ‘Life’

April 20, 2013

life around here.

IMG_5813aLife around here has been non-stop stress for the past two weeks. Between finding out about Dad’s cancer and work, I’m finishing up the little things for the wedding that is happening in ONE WEEK. I cannot believe it is here already. The jars have been tied with lace ribbon, and I finally picked out a pretty pale pink nail polish. The little details.

Dad is doing a little better. He started radiation on Thursday and is handling it well. No nausea (knock on wood) and no headaches. He has a better appetite, and we are pretty sure we have his pain under control. It’s still up in the air as to how things will go when he gets further into the radiation and then chemo, but we are hopeful that things will stay calm and there will be no setbacks.

If things get quiet around here for a while, don’t be alarmed. Greg will probably be going to Indianapolis sometime after our wedding for work (hail!) so I am going to soak up as many minutes with him as I can. I will be back eventually.

Love.

February 18, 2013

lately.

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February 8, 2013

life is rolling.

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Oh, it’s been busy lately. Work has been crazy (thanks to month-end reports and safety orientations and respiratory training) and the wedding planning has gone from busy to overload. But, I think it’s under control too. How that works I don’t know. It’s gonna be great. 78 days.

To add worry to busy, I burned my arm on the stove while trying to cook macaroni and cheese. Sigh. Macaroni and cheese. Not just a little red mark or a blister either, a full-out skin-peeled-off 2nd degree burn. My doctor even said so. I can’t feel it because it’s in that weird zone, where my injury masks any feeling, temperature or pain. I can’t feel it. It looks bad, so I know it hurts. The prescription is working, and it is already looking better.

TODAY: I am looking forward to the weekend. Hanging with the gang and maybe some Wildcat riding to get the adrenaline going. And probably some wedding invitation prepping. It’s gonna be a good one. Loves!

November 20, 2012

lately.

Besides having a good anniversary, life has been hectic, tiring, messy, overworked. But looking up.I managed to get some of our Christmas cards ready. I am pretty excited at how simply simple they are, but how fantastic and clean they turned out. A little bit of wash goes a long way.I printed and folded thank you cards for Genny and Jim and Jesse. Again, simplicity is beautiful.I have been wearing almost no makeup to work lately, and it feels so liberating. Moisturizer and mascara (sometimes) and off I go. I am learning to let go of what others think of me, which isn’t exactly an easy thing to do when it’s engrained in me. The People Pleaser thing gets in the way of the weirdest things sometimes.

October 13, 2012

photo purge.




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September 18, 2012

for safekeeping.

Where my heart goes
in the quiet times
between work and wedding
and stress
is straight to yours.

September 10, 2012

home sweet (almost) home.

It’s taken us a few extra months and a little extra motivation, but finally we have gotten out to the land where we will build our home to clean. And when I say clean, I mean clear brush, put trash in the huge rented dumpster, and generally just make it look like it could, at some time, be livable. Excited!!

Thanks to all who came out to help us!!

August 16, 2012

thoughts.


+ Denver trip is soon. I am halfway looking forward to it, halfway dreading it. Doctors are not my favorite. Hard beds that aren’t my own are definitely not my favorite, but I am excited to get measured for a new chair.

+ Stamps. I am sort of addicted to designing my own. So easy and so much of just what I want. Love that process.

+ Project Life continues to keep my attention. I don’t think I have kept up and kept interest in something like this in quite a long time. I am already noticing things I want to make consistent next year.

+ Seriously considering doing portrait shoot as a very small side business. Fun? Or stress? I can’t decide. The Fire Starter Sessions is getting me a little bit pumped, just to see what happens.

+ I’m having a hard time believing that school is ready to start again. It feels too early. I am so off since I don’t have a school schedule of my own anymore.

August 6, 2012

recent.

While at the camera store the other day, a guy approached me that I have seen before. At the library. And he creeped me out. Followed me around, and I had to ask my friend who works security there to walk me to my van. He is one of those guys that just give a bad vibe, a creepy feeling, and makes your skin crawl. He makes me uncomfortable in a way that I do not like.

He made me acutely aware of just how vulnerable I am. As a disabled woman, no matter how independent I am, men like that, that don’t back off or get a hint, do not feel safe to be around. Maybe I’m being judgmental or paranoid, but you can tell a lot about a person’s intentions by the way they approach you.

I have met thousands of people in the past 9 years of being disabled, and he’s only the second guy who has made me feel so creeped out in that way, like I would be in some kind of danger if I were ever caught alone with him. And even for as tough as I am, it makes me feel very insecure and open. It scared me.

And instead of doing what I am good at, ignoring or suppressing it, I talked about it with my mom and Greg. And now I have pepper spray. I never thought I’d need to carry it before, but it isn’t a bad idea.

I’m not sure exactly why it has bothered me so much, but it has. So of course, I am just writing about it to process it. No comments needed really. Just me rambling.

August 3, 2012

today i am…

I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself. I need to stop worrying about what needs to be checked off the to-do lists, and I need to breathe.

So today I am…

+ nursing myself back to normalcy after too many shots last night.
+ taking pictures with my new lens. I love it, and I love that Greg knows me well enough to know it would be a perfect gift. (I love you, babe!)
+ reading The Night Circus.
+ indulging in sweet treats and flavored coffee.
+ planning blog posts.
+ plotting my next wedding goal. One thing at a time is working well.
+ writing in my journal. So. Need. This.
+ enjoying the immense quiet.
+ soaking up all the good things. Life is hectic and happy.

August 1, 2012

august goals.


+ find a caterer and book them.
+ dress shopping.
+ finish The Night Circus.
+ frame a Script School print of my own.
+ take a ME day.
+ get measurements for a new chair.
+ guest list.
+ take. photos. of. everything. <3

June 4, 2012

june goals.

I was writing in my journal today and realized I haven’t posted my goals for this month. It’s been a little hectic around here lately, with so many good and bad things going on. Anyway, I’ve already accomplished a few of these, or am very close. I hope June decides to stay sunny.

+ Find a place for the wedding.
+ Get trailer off the land.
+ Design a new business card.
+ Take lunch to work 4 out of 5 days each week.
+ Catch up on ISO at work.
+ Relax.

June 1, 2012

things i am afraid to tell you: my version.

Have you seen the “Things I Am Afraid to Tell You” posts around the blogosphere lately? If not, google it. They are vulnerable and tender, and I couldn’t help but admire the bravery of these women who are putting it all out there for everyone to see.

I decided to be one of them. I decided that if I put some of these things in one post, I’d feel better about posting any vulnerabilities from here on forward.

Here it goes.

+ I am extremely self conscious, even though I try very hard to pretend that I’m not. That sort of confidence just is used to detract from the things that I’m actually insecure about.

+ I am not afraid to try new things, but I hate going into any new situations without knowing what to expect. I like to have a plan. I like to know how spaces are laid out. I like to know any accessibility issues. It makes me anxious and unsure otherwise.

+ Fire hazards freak me out. I can’t just run away if my house ever caught fire. It would be a horrible way to go.

+ I am not as strong as everyone is convinced that I am.

+ I am scared of change. Big changes. And considering that my life is one big change after another lately, I am doing very well. I am learning that just because it is scary and different doesn’t mean it won’t be better in the grand scheme of things.

+ I am uncomfortable with my disability. It is not who I am, but it makes me so many things that I am proud of: determined, stubborn, stronger, emotional. I don’t quite know how to balance the hate and frustration I hate about being disabled with the pride I have for not letting it take over my life.

+ I am so sure sometimes, and at others, it’s like I am wandering. Life feels foreign with so much happiness filling it up.

May 28, 2012

long weekend.

We had an amazing weekend. On Saturday, we spent the day on the lake, wake boarding and swimming and laughing and getting some color on my pasty white legs.

Greg’s friends are so chill. I love that. I don’t know why I am nervous going into situations where I don’t know anyone because it never really matters. I am usually comfortable within the first 5 minutes. Every time.

On Sunday, Greg and I just hung out, not really doing anything too productive. But it was the best lazy-ish Sunday in a long time. We went shopping around and saw Chernobyl Diaries at Legends. Then we pretty much decided that Saturday had wiped us both out so I came home and he went back to Grant’s.

Today: I am working on Project Life and going to take my new camera (Canon 60D!) out on its first girl date with me. I had originally planned on doing Mark and Ash’s family pictures, but little Raelyn isn’t feeling too well. Poor baby girl.

Also, Happy Memorial Day to our Veterans! <3

May 17, 2012

thoughts.


+ I haven’t had much poetry up lately, but be looking for some soon. There are really only so many ways to say that I am blissfully happy.

+ This rest of this week/weekend are going to be so crazy busy. Graduations galore. I am tired already, just thinking about it.

+ Work has been better. People have backed off, and I have learned to not take on more than I am being paid to do.

+ I am ready for just one night of sleep without a nightmare. Does this happen often when people are slightly stressed or have a major life happening? I could really go for a good dream.

+ No wedding date set yet, but since my cousin Brooke is getting married March 16, 2013, I am guessing we’ll go for April sometime. <3 Don't worry, this blog will be up on all the plans as they go.

+ p.s. I’m sorry in advance for all the lovey dovey crazy happy posts that are sure to be in the future. :)

April 27, 2012

the day after.


Yesterday wasn’t bad. It wasn’t particularly hard.

It was just another day that happened to be April 26.

And I couldn’t be happier that not one tear fell.

April 26, 2012

nine years.


Can you believe it? Nine years.

Nine years ago, I was paralyzed. Doctors were trying to xray and draw blood and keep me awake and stabilize my blood pressure. Basically, trying to keep me alive. But here I am. What a crazy thought. Unsettling and unreal.

The 8th year was a trying one, I won’t lie, but it was also one full of personal growth. Maybe you all can tell from my posts, but this year, I found happiness. Total, true, real and whole happiness. Not just because I found a great man who puts up with me because he wants to. But happiness within myself. I am happy because this year I learned how to forgive the people who don’t matter. I learned how to dramatically and quietly cut out negative and fake people from my life. I learned that keeping yourself fully busy with work, family, friends, and hobbies is tiring but totally necessary. I learned that real adult responsibility is such a stressful but rewarding thing. I learned that I need to give myself time to think and to care about me too. I learned that trust is not hard with a deserving person. I learned that you have to be the kind of person you would want to have as a friend. I learned (and I’m still learning) how to be good at being a part of two, instead of always on my own. I learned that I don’t always have to be so tough. I learned that I don’t have to give up any of my strength to be a softie too.

I have learned that simplifying life makes everything much more clear and focused. I thrive on clear and focused, and I plan on continuing that into my future.

Bring it on, year nine.

April 3, 2012

paradise.

somewhere the wind blows warm
across sand so soft
it can’t be seen floating through the air
whispering to the happiness filling each second.

somewhere someone has no worries
no cares and no dreams
because the sunshine is
just enough dream by itself.

somewhere someplace
in a land far enough I can’t see
they don’t know about real life
and struggles and fights
and tears.

but, me, I like just where I am
with you.

March 29, 2012

project life: week 11

It was a busy week. And tiring. And totally worth being tired.

I kept it simple for week 11. Pictures with little embellishments or journaling, besides the usual “this week” card. Not because I didn’t want to work on it, but I just didn’t have the time or energy.

I still think it turned out well. I like the simplicity and randomness of the pictures but still shows how chaotic the days seemed to be.

Onto week 12…


March 14, 2012

somewhere the wind blows…


You ever have one of those days when you just need to cry? For no reason. For nobody. With nothing but yourself and a Kleenex. Or maybe the napkins stuffed in your glovebox.

That was my yesterday. Sunshine was all around, bright and cheerful, but I was not. I was full of the feeling that tears would have just felt good running down my cheeks, making my eyes burn with wet mascara. I need a cry every once in a while, and it’s been far too long, I think, since my eyes stung with that burn.

I don’t like to cry; I’m not sure anyone really does, but the feeling that comes afterwards just feels better than the feeling did before. Lighter. Calmer. Clearer.

Today is going to be a better day. And I’m glad yesterday is done.

February 22, 2012

sick day.

Yesterday was a bad day. I went to bed the night before feeling like crap and woke up feeling worse. I managed to send texts to Phil and Amanda and call my boss, but I slept late then lounged around after that. Sleep, Sons of Anarchy on Netflix, and Pinterest. That’s what I did all day long.

This little lady didn’t get too close (poor kid doesn’t need to be sick too), but she likes having me around during the day.

Sick days are so frustrating to me, like I am wasting the day away even though I know that laying around drinking tea or watching tv is the best thing for me to do. I just feel lazy.

Today is better. And hopefully tomorrow is better still.

February 16, 2012

on the road.

The first time I heard that song,
the yellow highway stripes were
holding a conversation with my mind,
blinking past faster than I could count
and lulling my eyes to heaviness.

Life was in my view,
home behind me

and the wind all around.

I was right between
who I was and
who I wanted to be

and all I could do was
try.

January 24, 2012

g,

I am so proud of you, for so many things, but mostly for today. Today is a day that I hope we celebrate many times in the future because really, if you hadn’t been there & gone through life as it was, we wouldn’t be here as good as we are. And I can’t imagine what my days would be like without you.

ily.

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January 19, 2012

sneak peeks.

Projects coming up.


There has been a lot of paint and beads and quiet around here.

I thrive in the quiet places where my thoughts can be thoughts and turn to creativity, not just jumbles of words or bits of music or screaming neighbors. It is good to have that part of myself. Whatever that thing is that might be bothering me, the quiet is where I sort it out; it’s where I fix things. Ideas take shape and smiles happens. It’s where plans and lists are made.

With things so crazy busy & ridiculous, I needed something a little bit crazy busy creative.

January 15, 2012

january 15, 2012.

Nothing about today really feels like January or winter.  Nothing about the sunshine or 60 degree weather screams that snow should be on the ground, and we should be bundled up in scarves and mittens.

But I won’t complain because I am soaking up vitamin D and camera time. ¬†And Beauty and the Beast 3D with the girls.

After such a hard week, I am happy to have had such a good weekend with the people I love.