Posts tagged ‘love’

March 12, 2013


Somethings happens
when my hand catches
the right light
and the diamonds are all

I smile and sigh
and quietly thank God that
you chose me.

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January 19, 2013

baby fever.

I don’t know if it’s my hormones or the fact that we are getting married in the near future (down to double digits now!) or that everyone is having babies. But I am having baby fever bad.

I want a little one (boy or girl–it doesn’t matter at all), and even though I need to be patient (I think we should probably be close to done with our house before we plan for a baby) I wish I could be in the pregnancy stage already. The getting-the-nursery-ready stage. The big-belly stage.

I’m not scared to have a baby. I have been an aunt since I was 5, and I know what it takes to be a good mommy. And Greg is going to be a great daddy. Our kids are already lucky, right!?

Spinal cord injury doesn’t stop me from having children–but, of course, there are more risks. For me, the joy and excitement of being a mommy will far outweigh any risk to myself. As long as we have a healthy, happy baby. I have recently reconnected with a girl (woman, now) whose injury level and function are very similar to my own….and her baby is just a few months old. I basically squealed when I learned she was a new mom. I am going to have a million questions for her later on, and I am comforted that she won’t mind.

So, I give it a year. We’ll check back in on this topic then and see what’s happening. Maybe there will already be a nursery and baby ready to come. Maybe we’ll just be starting the plan. But there is definitely a plan for a plan.

January 14, 2013


Carry away with my heart
as far as you feel is right.
To the sun or to the night,
you choose the pace, the distance,
the plain day of weather.

And I’ll tag along behind
grasping at your shirt tails,
because that is what lovers simply do.

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December 20, 2012

starting over.

I have a friend. A smart, funny, energetic, and generous soul who is an amazing mom to her kids, friend to the undeserving, and grateful for even the rough things she has encountered in life.

She continues to have faith, a deep-seeded sweet faith, that even the worst of people are going to come around in the end and realize that the world doesn’t have to be so bitterly angry. She gives the most disrespectful people the benefit of the doubt, and she refuses to let someone else’s negativity be the reason for any change in herself.

But she has given up on love.

After two serious failed relationships, she has become closed off and content with being alone, with being both the mother and father to her kids. More than anything I think she is afraid of what a third broken heart would feel like and what it would do to the person she is. I think she is afraid it will suck some of her strong and stubborn sweetness and replace it with bitterness.

Somewhere, someone is looking for someone like her and waiting to prove her wrong. I can only hope that person finds her whole, and that he proves to her that love is more than just waiting for the wrong thing to happen, the wrong turn to come.

People who deserve love aren’t always the ones who make it easy to let it into their hearts.

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November 19, 2012

year one.

We have had so many good things happen for us since last year (and a few horribly bad ones), and I wouldn’t trade him for the world and all the stars in the sky. He supports me and sincerely cares about the happiness that stands between us. He is encouraging and sympathetic and seems to know how I feel before I have to say anything.
We are good for each other, and we’ve managed to make the best of ourselves available for the other. I love that. In just 5 months, we’ll be married, and we can start life as a family, one with the same last name.
I can’t wait to spend many more years celebrating with him and creating new memories along the way.

September 13, 2012


I cannot be the only one who loves SMASH books. I made myself make one last year for my 26th year, and honestly, I lost interest pretty quick. I got bored. It was too much work gluing pages of that composition book together to make them strong enough to really hold anything. It felt like it took forever to actually get anything worth showing onto the page.

But a real SMASH book? Fantastic. Greg’s sister, Genny, bought me a wedding edition for my birthday (just 4 wks ago), and I have since gotten 3 more (not including the small one).

They are fun and don’t have to be perfect or super organized. I can add whatever I like, cover up the paper that isn’t really suitable for whatever I’m doing, make it as pretty (or ugly I guess) as I want. They are quick. I mean, we just got home from Colorado just a little over a week ago, and my Colorado 2012 SMASH book is pretty much done, minus some journaling. It would take me months to document otherwise.

Maybe I’ll lose interest, but for now I’m loving SMASHing.

September 10, 2012

home sweet (almost) home.

It’s taken us a few extra months and a little extra motivation, but finally we have gotten out to the land where we will build our home to clean. And when I say clean, I mean clear brush, put trash in the huge rented dumpster, and generally just make it look like it could, at some time, be livable. Excited!!

Thanks to all who came out to help us!!

August 8, 2012

wedding wednesday.

In only 8 and a half months, this man is going to be my husband. Can you believe it?

We have started out guest list (drafts) and have found a photographer. Chris Gharst is fantastic (I’ve known him for a while), and I cannot wait to see how he captures us on our big day. It makes me smile to know that he is going to make this day beautiful forever for us.

Also, I’ve found the dress. It’s going to be a surprise so I don’t want to post links or pictures here, but I will make assure you that it is beautiful and exactly what I imagined in a wedding dress for me.


Things are going so well with this planning. I am not stressed or feeling pressured to get things done (yet), but I am also refusing still to be a procrastinator.

April 27 is going to be perfect.

August 7, 2012

new lens.

Oh I love this lens.

So amazingly great at focus and so sharp with the quickest movement.

love. love.


What a good way to start year 27.

June 26, 2012

and my girls are…

Greg and I agreed early on that our wedding party would be small, not because we were at a shortage of people but because we didn’t want the whole thing to be centered around who was in it, what they wore, etc., instead of the fact that we have each other and want to be husband-and-wife. We don’t want a wedding just for the sake of having one. Greg will have his brother, Grant, and best friend, Mike, and I will have my sister, Darcy, and best friend, Maria. Small. Simple.

These two girls have gotten me through the toughest times of my life. They have supported me, loved me, and fought with me. They make me laugh until I cry. They know how much I love and adore Greg, and I want them up there with me when I take on a new role, not just sister or best friend. I’ll be a wife.

I got each of them an & ring from catbirdnyc and wrote them a note to officially ask if they would be my maid of honor and bridesmaid. I gave Darcy hers first and forced her to not post any pictures on Facebook until after I gave Maria her ring. Of course, they both said yes. Not that there was ever any doubt.

So now we have our wedding party settled and ready. We have our date. We have our place. This whole wedding thing might be easier than I thought.

June 23, 2012


“What had changed her? She had never been like this. It was him, or course, and the connection she felt with him, an intimacy so intense that she felt she could say anything, do whatever she liked,suppress nothing.”

-Ken Follett, Fall of Giants

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June 6, 2012

see that smile?

It’s because she is talking to Uncle Greg.

They all love him, but Makinna has claimed him as her own. She tells me all the time that she loves him, and she gets shy when he is around.

So cute.

June 5, 2012


Like silk on sandpaper
you soften me, slowly,
tracing over my rough patches
with a light determined diligence.
The hush of your breath
against my shivering cheek
sends rivets of relief
clear down to my fingers
and finally, I feel you.

That inked skin of yours
soothes mine in
all the right ways.

It’s here in the dark
that we have our
best conversations.

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May 16, 2012


May 12, 2012


I am still in shock, I think.

He loves me so much, it would probably make me cry if I thought about it too much. But I won’t because I am taking it as it comes and just being happy.

I made the first list for the wedding. Don’t worry, I won’t freak out and go bridezilla on my blog, and I am not going to rush the plans at all. I just wanted to have a look at all the things that will need to be done and places that will need to be called and things that will need to be scheduled. And there are a lot.

But again, this week, I am just being happy with the fact that I found someone who is what I had dreamed of and wished for. Someone who makes me smile when I don’t want to smile. Someone who makes me laugh at myself. Someone who loves me.

May 7, 2012


It has been the busiest, craziest, and happiest 4 days of my life. Truly.

I originally planned on talking about Atlanta in my next post, but there is a little bit bigger news coming your way.

Get ready for it….

Yes, I did!

He pulled it off flawlessly. I had absolutely no idea it was coming. Even my sister and mom kept the secret for 2 weeks without dropping even a little hint. That’s an amazing feat in itself, believe me.

THE STORY: We had all planned a get together at my oldest brother’s to shoot guns and eat and have a few beers (after the guns, of course). People from work were coming. Friends were coming. Greg’s brother and wife and kids were coming. So he apparently saw it as the perfect time to pop the question.

We had just finished shooting the guns in the hot sun. We were all hot and hungry so we went back to the house. Everyone hung out before we lined up for food. Greg was last in line, and he came over to our table (where his brother Grant, Grant’s wife Shannon, Mandy, Darcy, and my mom had already sat down to eat. He walked up with his plate. Since I was there first, my wheelchair was halfway blocking his way to sit (weird tables). He goes “Could you back up a little?” So I did. He says “No, a little more.” So I did. He says again “No, back up.” Now, I was back plenty so that he could slide in to the table. I was so confused. Why did he need so much room?

Then he started digging in his pocket and crouched down. I flipped. I don’t know how many times I said “Oh my God!” but it was more than once. I laughed and cried and was a little panicked from all of it. Mandy and Darcy were taking pics and recording it. Everyone else was sort of ooh-ing and aww-ing. I think so anyway. I don’t really remember what anyone else was doing because I was trying to keep myself from completely losing it. It was emotional. It was crazy. It was so perfect.

I am so glad that he kept it a secret. I’m glad I didn’t have any inkling about when, where, etc. He did a great job of making it memorable and our type of romantic and real. He picked a perfect ring. I love him like crazy. And he is mine!

(I’ll get on that Atlanta post soon when I can breathe again.)

April 16, 2012


Today is your birthday. 35 years young, and getting better everyday.

You really are one of a kind. You deserve all the happiness in the world, and I feel fortunate that you choose to find it with me.

You bring out the things in me that I didn’t even know I needed. You save me from things I thought were okay to be content with. You make me want more. You make me ambitious again. You have heart enough to fill mine. You make me feel worth all this, and I hope that I make you feel the same.

We have many more birthdays to celebrate together.

Me & you.

April 3, 2012


somewhere the wind blows warm
across sand so soft
it can’t be seen floating through the air
whispering to the happiness filling each second.

somewhere someone has no worries
no cares and no dreams
because the sunshine is
just enough dream by itself.

somewhere someplace
in a land far enough I can’t see
they don’t know about real life
and struggles and fights
and tears.

but, me, I like just where I am
with you.

March 21, 2012

wait awhile.

let’s stay in, me and you,
out of the rain
to hide from the gray
that weighs everything heavy
and makes anything happy
seem a little bit less.

hide with me all day.

there may not be any energy
left for anything else
but I’d rather use it all
loving you.

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March 20, 2012


I’ll sip my wine slowly,
staring at the sweet red with glazed eyes
making it last long enough
to let my heart relax.

I’ll be counting on you
to hold me together on those days
when falling apart seems to sound
like the easiest thing to do.

You and the smell of cologne
at your neck collar.

Hold me together
however you like.
Just do it as often as I need
and when I decide to cry,
let me, or not.
Whatever will work,
I cannot say.
I only promise to return
the favor.

I’ll drink you in, light-hearted love,
and forget everything heavy.

March 12, 2012

pep talk.

Life is about challenge.

Pushing myself.
Bettering myself.
Testing myself.
Questioning myself.
Exhausting myself to the point that I can finally appreciate relaxation.
Giving myself a chance to make all the mistakes I want.

I’ve done all that, and now I know that
love is about challenge too.

Missing someone else.
Needing someone else.
Wishing he was there when I know he can’t be.

This is a big one,
and we are going to be
just fine.

February 28, 2012

he is it.

Driving home from Greg’s on Sunday felt like it took forever, like the road had stretched while I was in Kansas City. My eyes were heavy from such little sleep, and my heart was full with what I can only explain as calm. It was a great weekend, full of good conversation, laughs, and sweet sweet moments.

Greg is one of those guys that doesn’t have to try to impress me because being who he is impresses me enough. He makes me look at things differently. He is patient. He makes me comfortable. He turns the mundane things to fun. Mostly, he makes me feel good about myself.

I realized on that drive home that somewhere along the line before him, I had forgotten how to feel sexy and wanted, like it slipped from my brain when my heart closed up once and for all, the last time I had given up on love.

But when a man looks at a woman that way, with want so desperately apparent in his blue eyes, she can’t deny that it lights a little spark, still hidden in a place that she never knew saved things like that.

And he does look at me that way. And the sparks go crazy. And there’s no way I can’t say I don’t love it.

February 27, 2012


They told me I would know.
I’d feel it.
I’d see it.
It would be right
when it was supposed to be.

Then there you were,

and everyone that came before you
was just practice for this moment.

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February 14, 2012

g, happy valentine’s day.

They are watching you
save my heart
one quiet breath at a time.

February 7, 2012


If I ever had to go
one night with knowing
your love wasn’t mine,

I’d never sleep,

and I hope the stars
would keep me company,

those sparkly little