Posts tagged ‘new’

January 21, 2011

there you are, smile.

(if you could hear or see how exhausted I am, you’d understand.)

We can’t all have our dream job. We can’t all be millionaires or have exactly what we want. We can’t all be happy all of the time. The past two weeks have been stressful (and completely pull-my-hair-out frustrating) at work. I’ve picked up some extra work for the accounting department, and what I thought was relatively simple turned out to be not to simple at all. I am also working on the Training Team, doing videos of procedures/jobs in the plant. We’re just starting this project and only have the first video shot (and waiting for me to edit), but I am excited to get the rest of them going too. I want to prove to them that I can do this and make a considerable impact in the way that new employees are trained.

This new(er) office helps a little bit. Now understand that I work in a cellophane plant that is over 50 years old. And it still has all of the original furniture. Vintage stuff. I managed to snag a desk that is relatively new, but my office still is nothing like I wish it was. It is mine though, and not a borrowed office from the boss (I think he talked me into a new office so he could have his back, ha).

Until I do find a job that is much more like my dream job than this one is, I have to deal by making it pretty and my own. Decor, organization, comfort, me. It needs that.

I’m starting to really get used to all the other things around here also. I don’t know why I was so nervous about Mandy going on maternity and leaving the work to myself. I can handle it. Yes, it can be stressful, but I can handle the people (most of the time anyway). I have learned how they work, and if I close my office door halfway, they don’t bother me, unless they need something of course. They don’t always listen to me about deadlines, but now that Mandy is back, I have backup on that.

I’m getting by just fine.

P.S. As for the exhaustion thing, I am going to catch up on sleep this weekend. I spent all night the night before last in the ER with my mom. They fixed her up with antibiotics and pain killers and said she’d probably be better in a week. Being awake for 24 hours straight is NOT for me. I only let myself sleep until noon yesterday (on my day off) so that my sleep schedule wouldn’t be horribly disrupted. It has caught up with me a little bit, and coffee is going to be my friend this afternoon.

October 9, 2010

the search is over.

And a new van will be mine next week. After a stroke of luck (extremely good luck), I found one in town, and for a super cheap price for what the van is actually worth. I swear, you’d think this thing is brand new. Only 13,000 miles and smells super clean and new. I went and talked to the man who owns it. His wife died around a year ago, and he no longer needs such an adapted van. Apparently I make an impression or something because he is selling is to me for what a dealership considers wholesale price.

Some people as young as me who are handicapped don’t want to drive a van, but frankly I don’t care either way. It’s easy to get in and go, do what I want by myself, get wherever I want to go. Who cares if i look like a soccer mom? I sure don’t.

I’ll get pics of it as soon as I can. We’ll probably pick it up Monday or Tuesday, and then I have to get tags, insurance, and all that crap. Then I have to get an EZ Lock installed so I can drive it.

So excited! Check another goal off the list.

October 4, 2010

on down the road.

One of my goals for 25 was to buy a new van, and the process has started. Beside the fact that my van now is on its last leg (that trip to Colorado was its last for sure), I have income now and am much more confident about payments. I mean, I could have done it before, but it’s easier to justify buying something so big when you have a decent amount of money coming in each week.

Handicap vans aren’t exactly cheap, and I am cautious about buying anything without seeing it. I am making sure that whatever van I find is within driving distance so I can see it, and probably drive it, before I commit to buying. The first van, my current one, was bought without seeing or driving it, but I didn’t really know what all I needed then either. I was as new to the SCI and handicap driving thing as our banker was, who was the one who actually found the van. We got lucky that it was pretty perfect for me. This time is different.

I don’t just want to jump into it without looking around and finding the best fit and price for me. That’s the part of my dad I definitely got. I have to research everything first. I found one that seemed to fit everything I want, but they had sold it the day before I called. Damn the luck!

February 9, 2009


There is always something exciting about meeting a new person,
and being really excited to get to know them, about being around them
and knowing they are excited to be learning who you are too.

It’s always the small things that he does
that I remember the next day.
These small things, happy things,
can sneak up on me when I least expect them to,
and they are becoming the things
I look forward to making me smile.

I haven’t been so happy or felt so adored in quite a long time.
And I could certainly get used to it.

And I told myself I wouldn’t be smitten again.


June 24, 2008


Close up.

Has there ever been a time in your life when you look around and think ‘How did I get here?  What brought me to this?  What am I doing?’  Today, I had one of those moments.  It usually happens when a trip is close and I am feeling anxious to get somewhere clean of any stress and drama.  I took some time for myself, which was needed, and just sat there, and thought about things.  I know that all the changes that have been happening lately really are better for me and the way I want to live my life in the future.  

One of the big changes:  re-evaluating who my friends are.  I know everyone has heard that “you find out who your friends are when times get tough.”  Well, I’ve already been through that once in my life and weeded out the bad seeds then.  Actually, they weeded themselves out by just disappearing.  That was tough, and it took me a long time to overcome the hurt that I felt.  This time, it’s different.  I’m not going through some life-altering injury or crisis;  I just need to figure myself out.  And I only want people around me who are going to be productive, positive people in my life.  Some of the people who have been friends with me for years are some of the ones that I just don’t understand anymore.  It seems that the friends I have made in the past year or so are the ones I am closest to now.  And I think that they now who they are. 

And what do I have in common with these old people anymore anyway?  Nothing, really.  I am not like them anymore.  We all have different goals and aspirations.  A few of them are content with being less than what they could be.  Can they not see the potential they have?  Or are they just too scared to go after it?  I don’t understand either way.  Maybe I am the one who has the problem.  Maybe I’m too ambitious.

I’m just frustrated with this place, these people, the continuously repetitive schedule all the time.  I don’t want it anymore.  I don’t want this place, and I don’t want these people.  I want new ones and new experiences and a new life.  I am counting down the days until I can make a clean break from here and be free to do whatever I want and be wherever I want to be.  Only 11 months until graduation.  I’m going to actively start looking for jobs in Denver soon, and I am hightailing it as soon as I can.  My family and close friends are the only things holding me here.  If for any strange reason I were to stick around, it would be for them.  I won’t be homesick.  I’ll be family-sick.  

I realize that this entire post reeks of conceit and pretentiousness, but I can’t help that right now, this is the way I feel.  Censoring myself isn’t what is going to me feel any better about the situation so I won’t. Some might be offended, but the true friends who read this will know who I am addressing.  

May 18, 2008


“A fun new person will enter your life and you will embark on an exciting adventure together.”

I certainly hope this is true because I am ready for something new, something exciting, and something adventurous. Now that everything else has been established as solely a friendship and will be nothing more than that ever again, I am excited about moving on.

This is going to be a great summer.