Posts tagged ‘self-portrait’

November 15, 2012

life in squares.

1.  Our RSVPs for the wedding. Bright and simple, but still elegant too. I love the way they turned out.

2.  Self portrait at work after a big lunch and exhausting morning.

3.  Riding on the old lake bed. Fun and bumpy.

4.  Lists have been dominating my life lately, it seems. And none of them are really getting checked off as they should be. I guess I’m in a little bit of a rut.

 

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July 7, 2012

today,

I am:
+ hanging out with my boy. Probably shooting some guns.
+ hoping for rain. A week long downpour in fact.
+ going to sign up for Spotify. Cool app for music lovers.
+ thankful for new big hair clips.
+ smiling because the week is OVER. Stress-free for 2 days.

April 27, 2012

the day after.


Yesterday wasn’t bad. It wasn’t particularly hard.

It was just another day that happened to be April 26.

And I couldn’t be happier that not one tear fell.

February 17, 2012

2.17.12


Today I am filled with excitement still, that new opportunities are presenting themselves because people are recognizing my hard work. It is a good thing to feel appreciated.

Today I am anxious for new ink. But I am holding off and suppressing the impulses to get tattooed. Think long-term, Carrie, think long-term.

Today I am calmed by the feeling that today will be another one when I have not had the urge to cry. In fact, I don’t really remember the last soul-shaking chest-aching cry I let myself have. That’s a good thing. So good.

Today I am just thankful all around. Life is the best it has been in forever.

December 19, 2011

random things.

+ I only have a super small tv in my room because I rarely watch it.
+ I use one specific kind of mousse in my hair because everything else makes me hair crunchy.
+ Sharpie pens and Uniball Power Tank pens are my fav. Rarely use anything different.
+ I think magazines smell good. They have a unique smell.
+ Gas station door handles creep me out.
+ I have a few OCD tendencies, but I call them superstitions.
+ There isn’t much that I don’t tell my sister. Good or bad.
+ I wish I had taken better advantage of life before I started a full-time job. Like sleeping in super late.
+ Water is my favorite beverage, followed closely by Dr Pepper.
+ I think it is completely possible to love two people at one time, but it shouldn’t be acted upon.
+ I carry ibuprofen with me at all times.
+ Big watches make my arms look not-so-tiny, so that’s all I wear.
+ At work, sometimes I want to just shut my door and cry. I hate being an adult sometimes.
+ If my iPod ever craps out, I will cry harder than if my kitten had been run over.
+ I never sign up for in-store credit cards, even if they offer a discount. Credit cards are trouble.
+ I am in desperate need of an iPhone. I hope May hurries for my upgrade.
+ I wish I could BEAT THE CRAP out of someone (anyone) sometimes. I need some anger outlet or something. lol
+ Winter makes me hurt. Like, physically ache. I hate it.
+ People who stare make me nervous and piss me off.
+ I say “dude” a lot when I drink.
+ Word games are my favorite.
+ Skor candy bars are my favorite, but I rarely eat chocolate. Or candy at all.

September 13, 2011

whispers go a long way.

I feel like I have said everything
that can possibly be said.

So now
I’m working with
the quiet.

August 22, 2011

as promised


June 2, 2011

note to self.

when someone doubts you
throw that shit
back in their face

as quietly
and sweetly as possible.

April 11, 2011

anyway.


I am not the most beautiful
or most pleasing
or the easiest to always get along with.

I am not always right
or agreeable
or have the patient temper.

I am probably not the best at anything,

but you love me anyway
and that makes me feel pretty damn great.

February 24, 2011

I am my own.


I don’t think that a full “picture” comes across on this blog about me, about my personality as a whole, only bits and parts of it. I tend to purge all of the really soft moments and feelings here because I am usually too stubborn and proud to let many people around me see them or comfort me when I might need it. It’s just how I protect myself partly I guess. So I thought I might let you all in on a little more of me, as a whole, beside the writer and photographer and occasional crybaby.

+ I am a smartass. I’ve been told that so many times I can’t even count so it’s not like I gave myself that title. I tend to make light of situations that other don’t (for instance, my paralysis/wheelchair). Sometimes it’s so much easier to heal with things with a laugh.

+ People drive me crazy with their stupidity. I have a short tolerance for people who live their life recklessly and then complain about how messed up things are for them. I am not mean or confrontational or anything like that; I just walk about or change the subject or stay quiet. It gets the point across. If you don’t like the way things are going, change something. Right?

Ah, only two tidbits today. It’s going to be a busy day, but with what, I’m not yet sure.

February 10, 2011

i’m still learning.


I’m not too much of a lip stick girl. In fact, I wear as little makeup as possible most of the time. I go with some powder, mascara and Chapstick on a normal basis, but that’s about it. Eyeliner and lip gloss on the weekends. I’m really pretty simple.

Lately I’m on a lip stain kick. I like that it stays on and makes me feel pretty. I like that it takes so little to do that. (I know, the black and white doesn’t make it look like I have any on.) I think I am coming into my own and finding a different kind of confidence in myself, a grown-up kind, where I don’t need the approval of someone else to feel good about who I am. I only need to feel it within myself.

I have to admit that I am feeling quite liberated in that sense. I love that part most of all.

January 25, 2011

with some searching.


I like to think I am a total badass.

I suppose that I am, a little bit, in between the soft heart and quietly emotional soul.

There is some badass in there somewhere.

January 17, 2011

true.


I suppose it doesn’t matter much
what I think
because my heart, well,
it will do what it wants anyway.

November 15, 2010

a look inside.


Inside she was an old soul
who liked low lighting,
lace and poetry,
soft and sweet words
to be said for no reason at all.

She clenched
romance and resentment,
all swirled into one
creating a milkiness
in what once was
a very clear heart.

She felt strong,
for herself and no one else.
She felt tired and weary too.

She remembered often
that she was worth
whatever she wanted to be,
with the abundance of good
she could give.

She admired imperfection
and, sometimes, imbalance,
tiny things that make life
interesting.

She loved herself
even when she hated
the curly hair and big nose
imperfect skin and
everything else.

Somewhere there in the milky,
she always found love
among a mess of other things
for herself.

November 13, 2010

new project.


I wrote a poem a few days ago about myself (I’ll post it as soon as I polish it a bit) and decided that it would transition into a minibook pretty beautifully. I might just leave it out though; I haven’t decided yet. Elise did a great post in her mini class about putting books together, and it’s pretty similar to mine. Sort of throwing it together. I can’t wait to get this one done so I can show you more!

October 22, 2010

the girl who.


I hold my own heart
when I cry and figure out
my own problems.

I don’t tell too much
to too many people.

You might say my pride
holds me back, but really
it holds me
together.

I’ve always had to be
the tough one–
but now it’s just
who I am.

Tough.
So tough,
I’m practically broken.

I am myself.
I don’t need
nobody’s help.

September 13, 2010

this is just about the way I feel lately.

It’s pretty good!

June 19, 2010

as a matter of fact.


I felt beautiful yesterday,
almost as much as I feel already today.

A change is good sometimes.
Right now, a change is really, really good.

April 4, 2010

silent sunday.

March 10, 2010

small confessions.


Before you write another sweet note,
let me say–

I want nothing from anyone’s heart
until I can feel safe about giving
a piece of mine.

I’m good at being guarded, like I am hiding
something else that exists where my heart should be.
I’m good at avoiding the things that need to be said, and heard
I’m good at turning away when I see things getting real

and it’s just that when things get hard
I’m the one good at walking away
and pretending to be the one who didn’t
care at all.

I never meant to be this
scared of being vulnerable.
At times, I feel like I’m the only one.

The problem with loving
someone is that you soften
& I’m afraid deep
in my soul that I am far
too scarred for that.

Just don’t break my heart
the way the other one did
and I’ll try not to ignore yours.
Let’s try something different.

October 20, 2008

shimmer


Self-portrait, October 19, 2008

I need some inspiration,
some strength to pull me through,
and maybe just a hug. I need to feel something new.