life.

I’ve been horrible at blogging. Horrible!

You know when you don’t think life could possibly get any busier and your body couldn’t be any more worn out? Well, it can be busier and you can get worn even further. I tend to jinx myself with things like that.

We’ve been spending a lot of time on the boat, and the color of my skin shows it. I’m getting so dark (and my white legs are a little bit red). It’s fun, and with the 100 to 105° weather every single day for the past few weeks, the lake is welcoming.

I can’t promise I’ll be better at blogging, but I do promise to try.

photo dump: 4th of july.

break time.

Remember me saying that things were going to be busy? Well, I underestimated the busy-ness by about 10 times.

Besides the family reunion, work has been go-go-go for the past week or so. A manager secured a new job with another company so some of her responsibilities have come to me. I’m not complaining. It is good job security and a little bit of a raise, but I’m just exhausted. 3 days of training is not quite enough to be confident, and since it’s the first of the month, all the reports are due. With some stress (and a million questions to other managers), I finished them up and sent them off to the HQ in England.

Hey, maybe if they’re all good, I’ll still have a job tomorrow!

Even with everything going on, I’m trying to keep up here. I’ll apologize now, in case that plan doesn’t work out!

Hope everyone is having a fantastic summer!

tulips at day 3.

They were prettier Friday afternoon than when I got them Tuesday. I’m sure by Monday morning, when I go back to work they’ll be wilty and ready to be tossed.

I’m so glad that May is here.  I’ve never been very fond of April anyway.  It’s usually just full of stress and memories that I’m not fond of and days that are still too cold for tank tops.  May, though, is when the sunshine is pretty consistent, and the temperatures start to resemble summer.

I can’t wait for that.  Most, the sunshine.

ready for summer.

in the k-mart parking lot.

He was smiling
with her on his hip
acting just as goofy
as he looked.

His daughter–
blonde and tomboy
all the way through.

She changed my story once

and she’s done it again.

His daughter–
she makes me heart melt
almost as much
as he used to.

Thoughts.

+ My birthday is in 13 days.

+ I am brushing up on Excel stuff for the next few weeks because there’s a lot of it in my job description.

+ Fudge bars = love.

+ I am in need of a very good time at a country bar. I don’t know why–I’m just in the mood for that type of fun.

+ This week has been one of the best weeks I’ve had in quite a long time. I might be jinxing myself, but there have been no bumps….yet.

+ I know I just changed my blog banner and added matching buttons along the side (over there <====), but I'm going to change them again in the next few weeks. I just need something new.

+ It's going to be a busy day, but hopefully I'll get to my Polaroid cards I want to make.

+ I am inviting the rain that the weatherman says we'll be getting. I want a great big, bad ass storm. Lightning and all.

+ I download Swype for my EVO, and it's a pretty awesome app. It will take some getting used to though.

+ I will never understand guys. And they'll probably never understand women. We might as well give up on it!

so summer.

This video just makes me crave heat and humidity and fun and tans. Oh, I love summer.

oh, caleb.

This boy is hilarious. And super smart. He’s 6 years old and can read words like “studio” and barbeque.” I know it’s been a long time since I was 6, but I am pretty sure I couldn’t read those words. He can keep up with conversations like an adult and throws out big words that make me wonder “where the heck did he learn that word?”

Since they moved to the farm, I haven’t spent as much time with him (or the rest of his brothers or sisters) as I had when they were just across the bridge. Despite that fact, he is still close with me, and I think everyone knows he holds a little special place in my heart. He was my little angel baby nephew when I desperately needed something to make me happy.

He still makes me laugh, of course. A few days ago I took him to get his disposable camera developed (which he was so excited about), and he giggled the entire way back to the house while looking at his pictures. I don’t know if he is really interested in the picture-taking side of it, or if he just wanted another toy, but I’m going to encourage every creative cell in his little head to kick its way out.

Being like Aunt Carrie wouldn’t be the worst thing that happened to him.

i should try not to be so tough.

That smile is genuine.
That smile is for you.
That smile is because of you.

That smiles sort of says it all.

Oh, August.

I have waited for you for so long. You are my favorite, by far, of all twelve months. Birthdays, fun, kids going back to school, sales, and just a sense of summer at its peak.

I love you.

I ain’t changed, but I know I ain’t the same.

Ever hear a song and it takes you right back to where you heard it for the first time? On the way home tonight, with the sun shining and windows down, I heard The Wallflower’s “One Headlight.” I remember distinctly that I was at the pool when I heard this song and really listened to it. We would spend all day at the pool when I was around 13, and the lifeguards, all of whom we had made friends with would listen to alternative music, and the radio station just loved this song. So did I. And I still do. There is something about Jakob Dylan’s voice or the lyrics that just makes it so awesome.

The title of this post is my favorite lyric of this song, even one of my favorite lyrics of all time. It was perfect for today. Seriously perfect. It describes me in so many ways.

Almost there.

Only 3 more classes before I can fully relax for the rest of the summer. But thankfully, the only work that consists of these classes is working out. I can handle that. All my papers are done (EARLY!), and I a relieved about that.

It seems to have been a very long 5 weeks, and I am sure that the rest of summer vacation is going to feel like it is flying by me too fast. I can’t complain too much though, since I’ll only be reading, tanning, writing, working out, and generally doing other lazy things. I don’t think I could be looking forward to sleep any more than I have for the past 3 days.

Nothing has been particularly interesting around here. When life consists of class and papers, there isn’t much time for anything else.

I am ready for a Thursday night at Sharkey’s again with the friends.

Night lights.

I sat outside tonight and waited to see the lightning bugs, but it must be the rain coming that has kept them away. Summer is here. Summer storms are in the sky. The air is thick with humidity, but summer isn’t summer without lightning bugs.

Horoscope.

“A fun new person will enter your life and you will embark on an exciting adventure together.”

I certainly hope this is true because I am ready for something new, something exciting, and something adventurous. Now that everything else has been established as solely a friendship and will be nothing more than that ever again, I am excited about moving on.

This is going to be a great summer.

Stream of thoughts at 2 a.m.

I hate it when I am lying in bed in the dark staring at the ceiling, and my mind just keeps running.  Late at night is usually when I seem to make the bigger decisions in my life.  I have the peace and quiet to actually absorb everything, instead of hearing the constant chaos that is my life.

I realized that lately everything has been so stressful and hectic that I am wearing myself down.  The last few days haven’t been too bad because I forced myself to take a break (literally, I did no homework for 3 days straight!) to breathe.  Before that though, I thought I might completely shut down or die of exhuastion, not exactly a good feeling.

But tonight, I just told myself that no matter what, I am slowing down.  Life is too short to worry about small things.  I can handle a little stress, but overloads aren’t good.  Prioritizing things differently might help.  School is always number 1, but Betheny is right.  It’s not everything, and I don’t have to have a perfect GPA (although I wouldn’t mind a perfect GPA if it wasn’t so hard).  I cannot believe there are only 4 weeks left in this semester.  Only 2 more semesters to go!!!!!

Also, along the lines of “life is too short” again, I feel like I should go for everything I want.  Without holding back.  I don’t want to go through the next 10 years afraid of being hurt and avoiding showing someone (yes, that someone) my real feelings.  He already knows, he’s always known.  But I told him a long time ago when maybe it wasn’t the right time.  Now is the right time.  I would definitely regret it if I don’t make sure he still knows, and I don’t want to look back and wish I had.  Everytime I’m around him I can be myself and say anything and be happy or sad or unsure or crazy.  He takes all of me, good and bad.  I told myself that I was past the desire to have anything other than a friendship with him, but now I am realizing that I’m probably not.  It’s the way he looks at me.  And the way he watches when other guys are around me.  Maybe it’s just me, hoping.  Maybe he doesn’t feel the same as he did when he said he loved me, but then again, maybe he does.  I think so, but I am going to find out because I need to.  When I look ahead, I could see myself with him.  But if not, I know, and he knows, that we’ll always be good friends.  I can’t imagine life without him, no matter what relationship we have.  And believe me, there are very few people that I can say that about.

I know now, too, that maybe the relationship with Nick an unconscious attempt on my part at distracting myself from wanting the other one.  That is so shallow of me, but looking back, did I really think Nick and I would have worked out?  No.  I don’t know why it lasted as long as it did.  We were completely different, and even though I did care about him, it wasn’t like I should have.  I think I held back with him more than I would have had things been right.  And if you read this, I’m sorry, Nick.

So besides a confusing love life (or halfway-existant love life, I guess) I’m just ready to start new with lots of things.  I am excited about my weight lifting class, which is going to force me to keep the motivation up, and my Colorado trip this summer.  I miss the mountains.  I plan on going skydiving sometime in August (hopefully for my birthday) and spending lots of time at the lake.

I have a feeling that this summer is going to be a good one.

again.

I wish I had my camera with me.  I’m at the library (have been for a few hours) and it seriously looks like I have moved in here.  Only 1 more month before I can be done with all this (for a few weeks anyway)!