Archive for February, 2012

February 29, 2012

goodbye february.

February was a sweet month. A longer February than most (yay leap year) but fast even so. I feel like I accomplished a lot, but looking back, I mostly accomplished relaxing. Learning that every minute does not have to be spent doing something super productive. My body (and my whole heart) needed those moments when doing nothing was enough. I hope that continues into next month because frankly, I’m tired and need some relaxing. Maybe some decent sleep too.

February was:
+ hanging with Greg.
+ Darcy and Lindsay’s birthdays.
+ Lonnie Q’s BBQ and Los Portales lunches. Yum.
+ DIY projects.
+ baby talk with Layla.
+ work, work, work.
+ Rockstar to keep me going.
+ new Moleskine.
+ homemade waffles.
+ cinnamon rolls at work.
+ Project Life.

February 28, 2012

he is it.

Driving home from Greg’s on Sunday felt like it took forever, like the road had stretched while I was in Kansas City. My eyes were heavy from such little sleep, and my heart was full with what I can only explain as calm. It was a great weekend, full of good conversation, laughs, and sweet sweet moments.

Greg is one of those guys that doesn’t have to try to impress me because being who he is impresses me enough. He makes me look at things differently. He is patient. He makes me comfortable. He turns the mundane things to fun. Mostly, he makes me feel good about myself.

I realized on that drive home that somewhere along the line before him, I had forgotten how to feel sexy and wanted, like it slipped from my brain when my heart closed up once and for all, the last time I had given up on love.

But when a man looks at a woman that way, with want so desperately apparent in his blue eyes, she can’t deny that it lights a little spark, still hidden in a place that she never knew saved things like that.

And he does look at me that way. And the sparks go crazy. And there’s no way I can’t say I don’t love it.

February 27, 2012


They told me I would know.
I’d feel it.
I’d see it.
It would be right
when it was supposed to be.

Then there you were,

and everyone that came before you
was just practice for this moment.

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February 24, 2012

Knock You Down.

February 23, 2012

lately / dayton and layla.

These kids are so cute. And funny! I have never heard a tiny baby laugh so hard at someone just talking to her, but Layla does. Belly laughs even.

Dayton has coped so well with becoming a big brother. He wants to help, and he is already so protective of her. But he still does his own thing too. For only 2 years old, he is very independent, but he has his moments when he needs that attention.

February 22, 2012

sick day.

Yesterday was a bad day. I went to bed the night before feeling like crap and woke up feeling worse. I managed to send texts to Phil and Amanda and call my boss, but I slept late then lounged around after that. Sleep, Sons of Anarchy on Netflix, and Pinterest. That’s what I did all day long.

This little lady didn’t get too close (poor kid doesn’t need to be sick too), but she likes having me around during the day.

Sick days are so frustrating to me, like I am wasting the day away even though I know that laying around drinking tea or watching tv is the best thing for me to do. I just feel lazy.

Today is better. And hopefully tomorrow is better still.

February 21, 2012


As cruel as a blistered sunburn,
a stubbed toe,
an invisible paper cut,
tired eyes,
a nagging hangnail,
a banged funny bone,
a pulled muscle.

This is all of those things,
only worse.

February 19, 2012


Patricia tagged me a week ago almost, and I have just now gotten around to responding! I need a break from life to catch up….on life! *sigh* Anyway, here we go!

1) Describe yourself in 7 words
I am a simple girl with complications.

2) What keeps you up at night?
Worrying about what all I have to accomplish the next day. It doesn’t happen a lot lately because I am too tired to care.

3) Whom would you like to be?
Honestly, I really like the person I am so I’ll just stick with me. (Wow, does that sound conceited!)

4) What are you wearing now?
Ugly work uniform. Khakis and blue polo.

5)What scares you?
Drowning scares me. Or dying in a fire. Or losing my parents. Any of those 3 things.

6) What are the worst and best things about blogging?
Best: Having an outlet that I can control and can show who I am.
Worst: Wanting to edit poems from a few weeks ago.

7) What is the last website you looked at?

8) If you could change 1 thing about yourself what would it be?
I would absolutely love to walk again if I could, but only if I I could keep everyone who has entered my life as a result of my SCI.

9) Slankets yes or no?

10) Tell us something about the person who tagged you.
Patricia always leaves me the sweetest comments and lets me know people are out there reading. So thanks P!

February 17, 2012


Today I am filled with excitement still, that new opportunities are presenting themselves because people are recognizing my hard work. It is a good thing to feel appreciated.

Today I am anxious for new ink. But I am holding off and suppressing the impulses to get tattooed. Think long-term, Carrie, think long-term.

Today I am calmed by the feeling that today will be another one when I have not had the urge to cry. In fact, I don’t really remember the last soul-shaking chest-aching cry I let myself have. That’s a good thing. So good.

Today I am just thankful all around. Life is the best it has been in forever.

February 16, 2012

on the road.

The first time I heard that song,
the yellow highway stripes were
holding a conversation with my mind,
blinking past faster than I could count
and lulling my eyes to heaviness.

Life was in my view,
home behind me

and the wind all around.

I was right between
who I was and
who I wanted to be

and all I could do was

February 15, 2012

pink like cotton candy.

Who has the best boyfriend ever? Yes, that would be me.

I am so excited to show you what I got for Valentine’s Day…a Taurus PT738 pistol. A pink one.

Honestly, guns used to make me nervous. After Donnie’s hunting accident 11 years ago, guns weren’t even something I wanted to think about. I didn’t like them, didn’t want to be around them, and certainly never had the desire to own or shoot one.

Now, I don’t know what excites me so much. Maybe the adrenaline.

We are going to add a few little tricks to make it easier for me to pull the slide back, but other than that, I think I just have to get used to shooting such a small gun. Like with my DSLR camera, I have to make my fingers learn to do what the gun is supposed to do and train them to do it over and over. I didn’t know how I was going to handle that DSLR when I first bought it, but 4 years later, it’s second nature.

I’m sure we’ll have pictures from our first shooting session as soon as the weather warms up!

February 14, 2012

g, happy valentine’s day.

They are watching you
save my heart
one quiet breath at a time.

February 13, 2012

easy vs hard

Kal B. never ceases to amaze me. Seriously, this woman is kick ass and talented and can make you want to laugh and cry and paint something all at the same time.

Her Easy vs Hard post last week made me open my eyes to a few things, and of course, I love a good list. It made me reevaluate goals and be grateful and think about where I am going. Who know making a lil ole list could do all that, right?

Here’s mine:

EASY: falling out of my wheelchair
HARD: healing up sprains from bracing that fall

EASY: getting distracted from cleaning my messy office at work
HARD: finding that one piece of paper in a stack of papers that all look the same

EASY: wanting stuff of my wish list
HARD: saving money instead of spending money on my wish list

EASY: seeing a paycheck
HARD: waking up to go to work

EASY: loving/spoiling my nieces and nephews
HARD: watching them be hurt/scared

EASY: giving advice
HARD: accepting advice

EASY: drinking one too many beers
HARD: waking up on 3 hours of sleep after beer night

EASY: writing how I feel
HARD: saying how I feel

EASY: being a grump
HARD: not taking it out on anyone who doesn’t deserve it

February 11, 2012

project life.

I almost missed out on this project this year. Not because I wanted to, but mostly because time sort of just passed too fast, and I couldn’t get a hold on it. The past few months have been some of the craziest, busiest, and happiest of my entire life. They have showed me that life can go from just okay, mediocre really, to fantastic in such a short amount of time that even I can’t realize what is happening until one day I woke up and could breathe.

And I want to remember them for-ev-er.

Maybe February isn’t too late to get started. Maybe I could catch up a week at a time. I have pictures galore, and I just have to make up for lost time. As soon as I do, I’ll get pictures posted.

p.s. I’m letting this project take over the 26 SMASH book I started in August. As much as painting and having a pretty mess when I get done with a page, it’s too time consuming. It became more of a hassle to keep up with, and that is never fun.

February 10, 2012


I went to the library the other night, just for some quiet time really, but ended up leaving with the 5 books pictured above. It always seems like once I pick one book up, I can’t stop finding stuff I want to read. There were a few I had to put back because I can always go back.

I do love my Kindle app, but there is something about holding a heavy book in my hands and being able to feel what I am reading. Just a quirk I have I suppose.

I have started Fall of Giants by Ken Follett, and so far, it has been okay. Not quite as good as The Pillars of the Earth was, but it has been worth reading. I want to finish it as the one for myFebruary goals, but it’s huge (almost 1000 pages) so it might be asking a bit much.

And can you believe I have never read any Harry Potter book (or seen any of the movies either)? I just never got into that fad, but I am starting the first book as soon as I am done with Fall of Giants. I need to see what the hype is about. Or I might read the other 3 books I checked out, just in case I love the first HP so much that I have to go straight to the second.

February 9, 2012

Script scarf DIY.

I’ve had this post ready for over a week, but I had to wait until after Lindsay’s birthday since it was about her present. I know she doesn’t have much time with 2 little ones to read my blog, but you never know.

I found a project on Pinterest (again, of course it came from Pinterest!) and I knew Lin would love it. In fact, Darcy and I love it too and will probably be making a few of our own.

I used lyrics from Lindsay and Todd’s song Amazed by Lonestar and wrote them out in Tee Juice onto a thin scarf I found on Amazon. It only took about 2 hours (I had a small space to work on and had to wait for the ink to dry to move the scarf) from start to finish, and the lyrics looked awesome afterwards.

She loved it just like I knew she would.

The scarf is more teal than it showed in the pictures (bad lighting!), and it just fits her.

I think a red scarf for myself is the next on my list of pretty projects.

February 7, 2012


If I ever had to go
one night with knowing
your love wasn’t mine,

I’d never sleep,

and I hope the stars
would keep me company,

those sparkly little

February 6, 2012


Today I am carrying over what is left from yesterday (and the day before) and hoping that the entire feeling can last all week. Calm and fun and comfortable and, somehow, whole.

Today I am clinging to the hope that love like this does last forever because this almost feels too good to be entirely true. He is amazing.

Today I am drowning in confidence. A man who knows how to make a woman feel sexy without even saying it is worth keeping. Again, he is amazing.

Today I am contemplating deleting my Facebook. I feel like it is clouding my days and has taken precedence over other things that are more important. At the very least, it is coming off my phone.

Today I am taking a much-needed day off. The van has to be serviced in KC, but other than that, I just need a day with quiet and my book and journal and maybe some coffee.

Today I am making plans. For what, I’m not sure. It just feels like a good day to make a long list of what needs to be done, be said, and to get my butt moving in whatever direction I need to go.

February 5, 2012


I didn’t know what to get Darcy for her birthday, so I went to Pinterest for ideas (of course.) I had seen this post of a painting a while back on the Poppytalk blog and then again on Pinterest. I knew I wanted to do something similar, only a bit more colorful and cheerful.

So that’s what I did.

I hope she likes it!

February 4, 2012

happy birthday darcy.

I see my sister almost every single day. We work together and gossip together, and occasionally argue. We laugh together and cry together. And sometimes we even take each other’s advice on life or love or which outfit looks cuter with which boots we have. We are each other’s secret holder and best friend and sidekick.

Today is her birthday, and I can only wish her the happiest birthday a sister can have! I love you D!

February 2, 2012


Saving money isn’t fun. Nobody really saves money without a goal in mind. Or at least I never have. I like having money in the bank, sure, but spending it would be more fun if I didn’t have something awesome to buy in the future.

In this case: the house. Duh.

I have enough for a down payment on a hefty loan to build, but an extra cushion will be nice. So no more lunches out or unnecessary DIY projects and no more I-have-to-have-it purchases in the next few months. Hardcore saving. Hoarding money. That’s what I am going to be doing.

I’m getting more and more excited about the house again by the way. There for a bit, it was just too much stress to even think about much less make plans for. Now I am ready to get going so that everything else can fall into place too.

And GO!

February 1, 2012

february goals.

+ Finish an entire book. (I’m on a roll lately.)
+ Save money. Eek.
+ Get something going to house. (I dread this.)
+ Write more. My journal is lonely.
+ Take more pictures. My camera is lonely too.
+ See the chicas. I haven’t had good girl talks over dinner for a while.