This little girl. She is a riot. She is stubborn and ridiculously funny, and she is definitely not afraid to tell you exactly what she thinks or how something should be done. She is strong.
And she was not exactly keen on having her picture taken. But hey, Aunt Carrie is strong and stubborn too.
I miss the way a photo can make me feel at peace, pulling a softness over my brazen heart and singing it back to the place where things, small and big, are put back into squares or perspective.
When unimportant things somehow become priority, other things are lost. My photography, my soul’s simple way of telling a story through my favorite aperture blur, has for too long been ignored, in the most devastating way. So many times I have intended to hook my camera around my neck and head toward the sunshine I love so much, and so many times, I do not. I feel stationary.
It’s beginning to be taxing on me, my heart. I forgot, or perhaps never paid attention to how much my creativity, or lack thereof, directly influences my mood, and in turn, all other things in my life.
With spring coming, I can taste the soothing light that will finally calm the photo itch.
And I welcome it, smiling.
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I am allowed to have weak moments and cry for no reason.
I am allowed to be happy too.
I am allowed to lazy and hang out in my PJs all day.
I am allowed to want.
I am allowed to allowed to be angry.
I am allowed to feel beautiful.
I am allowed to hold big dreams in the palms of my hands & not know what to do with them.
I am allowed to change, if the changes are for the good.
I am allowed to allowed to display my inner nerd at times.
I am allowed to make my own decisions.
I am allowed to be by myself in the quiet for a while.
I am allowed to feel worthy.
I am allowed to love. And be loved. With all of my heart.
I went back and forth on whether I wanted to keep a Project Life this year. Considering I knew that it would be a crazy, busy, and most likely emotional year, I wasn’t sure if I had the time or motivation to keep up with it again.
But of course, I decided to do it. I don’t want to look back and regret not documenting the year of our marriage and moving and who knows what else. I don’t want to not have those pictures and stories available for our children one day.
I am doing it differently though. Last year, I did the standard one week per spread. It was not particularly hard to find pictures to slip into the pockets, but it was daunting sometimes to make sure that each week was not just a rush of photos and no journaling. I tried not to get behind, and each Sunday, I would print and embellish. And it was all in a hurry.
This year, I am doing 2 weeks per spread. One week on each side of the page protector. More important events will get their own insert, so I am expecting more of those. But that’s okay because inserts happen to be a favorite of mine. I don’t have to choose only 1 or 2 photos to put into the weekly spread, but 6 to 8 so that the event can be documented in its entirety.
It’s working well so far. Less pressure and more time to journal. And I am loving the wood veneer letters still too. They have so much character to them.
Hopefully I can keep up with posting updates here too.
Life has been crazy busy. While I’ve been living and breathing wedding planning, I’m trying to get used to driving this new chair, which is easier said than done. It’s a few inches wider than my other one, and it screws me up. I had crashed more than once into door jams. Woops.
I’m getting super serious about gaining weight (again) too. I bought some good protein drinks, plus a lot of stuff to eat throughout the day. Not necessarily bad stuff, avocados and pasta mostly. And ice cream. Mmhmm.
I love being engaged.
I love people looking at us and thinking “Ah, they are so in love.” (I’m looking at you, Jim.) Because we are. I love people knowing that.
I am going to be a little sad when all the planning becomes real, and it is over. Not sad in a depressed way, just sad like we are closing that part of our relationship. I am so excited to open the MARRIED part though. To start a different kind of planning (the house and babies). To start life together.
Being engaged makes me feel a little like Cinderella. Everyone ask questions and wants to know the details. It seems like a wedding piques interest on a whole different level. It’s fun to gush over some things (invitations that I have still found myself smitten with) and hard to keep others hidden (the dress. I want to show you so bad, but I want even more for it to be a surprise). I am getting into high gear with things and am determined to have every single thing ready on 4-27-13. It’s work, but it’s so fun. I need a few extra hours in my day, but thankfully I have a flexible job that allows for some planning on breaks.
Being engaged is my favorite, but I can’t wait till I’m a wife.
This pretty little thing turned 6 last Saturday, and she was loving it.
She had a very pretty pink party on Sunday, and it was fun. Sandra made the huge tissue paper flowers (attached to sticks from the yard), and Payden made the pink strawberry double-layer Hello Kitty cake. She even made her own fondant.
Here’s to turning 6!
We survived the audit. Survived and did better than expected (in my mind anyway). This past year was full of changes and additions to my job. I took on tracking energy consumption. When the Safety Manager was fired, I took over a good chunk of safety tracking, and it all slowed me down on quality issues. So I was nervous that I might have missed something really important along the way.
But he didn’t find it, if I did.
I can breathe again. (And get cracking on this wedding.)
So this weekend is about taking it easy and hanging with my boy, who I must say is very supportive when he knows I am stressed. Another reason to love him to bits.
You were good to me. You had some rough patches and sad days and you took a few swipes at our strength, but you taught us things that otherwise we wouldn’t have learned and made us appreciate things we wouldn’t have appreciated. You made us look around and think “Yes, I can do this.”
Favorite things about 2012:
+ Project Life
+ Engagement
+ Lake weekends
+ Colorado
+ Arctic Cat
+ Quiet days of writing
+ Love
Looking forward to 2013!
Christmas is here!
Today: I’ll be at Grant and Shannon’s house to celebrate with Greg’s family. Looking forward to many, many laughs. I hope you all have somewhere safe and warm to spend your holiday with family.
Mom and I took a short road trip last week back to Craig Hospital in Denver to pick up my new power chair, and it was, in one word, exhausting. We drove all day Tuesday, had appointments and chair evaluations all day Wednesday and Thursday morning, then headed back home. The chair is similar to the one I currently have, with a few differences. The main one is the width. It’s a few inches wider, and it might pose a few problems with doorways and such. Ugh, I hope not.
I am excited about ordering a new manual wheelchair though. I’ve never had a manual chair that actually fits me. Believe me, it makes a huge difference on pushing around your body weight when something is set up the way it should be. I’ll be getting a TiLite Aero Z chair, in flat black. I could have gone with pretty and flashy colors, but really, that isn’t me. The black is good–and flat black is even better. It should be here around March, I’m guessing.
I had never been to Craig Hospital around Christmas. It’s almost always warm when we plan our trips, so seeing snow and Christmas lights was a welcome sight. So pretty. As good as it was to see a few of my favorite people there, I was more than happy to come home. I wanted to be close to home, to my family, to Greg. Craig always makes me appreciate how far life has progressed since I was a newly injured patient, and it always makes me want to soak the goodness in my life so much more.
With that quick visit and the horrible things that have happened to those children in Connecticut, it makes you want to hold the good things close.
Raelyn’s birthday is next week, but her party was Thursday at Going Bonkers. That place is a kid heaven. Arcade games and a big jungle gym type set up to play. Plus pizza and ice cream and bright colors everywhere.
Fun. I was surprised that it wasn’t busier even though it was a school night. Surprised and relieved. I don’t like feeling like I might accidentally run over little toes.
This is a fun book. Quick and easy, and I really like that I want it to be messy. I see so many beautiful DD books online, and I just can’t do that. Mine needs to be messy, and the pictures need to be a little bit crooked to truly be ME.
For as much as I like simplicity and organization, it doesn’t make much sense, I know.
My only problem with the daily thing is that my days are quite a lot the same, especially during the week. I go to work, come home, and mess around til its time for me to crash. I’m so boring. Trying to find the one thing in the everyday that is different is going to be my challenge.
We spent our Sunday afternoon at Tim’s house for Caleb and Payden’s birthday party, and then for some gun-shooting down by the pond (or mud puddle as it should be called lately). We always have such fun times when we’re shooting. Laughing and cutting up with each other. I love it. And I’m getting pretty good at shooting too.
Since winter is coming, there won’t be many more shooting sessions this year, unless the weather stays crazy weird and warm like it has been. I mean, 70s in December? I don’t get it.
Christmas cards this year were easy. Easy in the sense that I knew I wanted something simple, easy, small, and us. Greg is very much like me in that he doesn’t like a whole lot of stuff going on. He trusts me with our paper projects (cards, invites, etc.), and I love him for that. So I knew he would like the same thing as me.
I designed the front in October and forced myself to wait until around Thanksgiving to print onto the 5×7 kraft paper from Paper Source. I cannot be the only one obsessed with kraft paper for just about every single thing. I love it. It’s beautiful.
I folded and used washi tape to put our Christmas picture (actually it’s a leftover picture–my favorite ever–from this summer) to the inside. The envelopes had to be red, because red screams Christmas, red is Christmas. I stamped an Amy Tangerine stamp on the back, and used green washi to close.
I love the way they turned out. Can’t wait to get them out in the mail, and into the hands of our favorite people.
p.s. These cards are also available in my Etsy shop, if you should happen to love them too!
This little girl is smart and sweet and funny. She has the personality the size of the Milky Way. And a prissy attitude to match. Her imagination never ceases to amaze me, and her smile can melt my heart. She loves Chapstick and to have her nails painted, but she’s the cutest thing in her tiny Carhartt bibs too. She’s much like a Sour Patch kid. Tough and salty when she needs to be, but sweet and soft on the inside.
She turns 3 in a few days, and I can’t life without her. She’s a challenge, but she’s worth it. I can’t wait to see where life takes her or how she wrangles it.
Besides having a good anniversary, life has been hectic, tiring, messy, overworked. But looking up.
I managed to get some of our Christmas cards ready. I am pretty excited at how simply simple they are, but how fantastic and clean they turned out. A little bit of wash goes a long way.
I printed and folded thank you cards for Genny and Jim and Jesse. Again, simplicity is beautiful.
I have been wearing almost no makeup to work lately, and it feels so liberating. Moisturizer and mascara (sometimes) and off I go. I am learning to let go of what others think of me, which isn’t exactly an easy thing to do when it’s engrained in me. The People Pleaser thing gets in the way of the weirdest things sometimes.
We have had so many good things happen for us since last year (and a few horribly bad ones), and I wouldn’t trade him for the world and all the stars in the sky. He supports me and sincerely cares about the happiness that stands between us. He is encouraging and sympathetic and seems to know how I feel before I have to say anything.
We are good for each other, and we’ve managed to make the best of ourselves available for the other. I love that. In just 5 months, we’ll be married, and we can start life as a family, one with the same last name.
I can’t wait to spend many more years celebrating with him and creating new memories along the way.
1. Our RSVPs for the wedding. Bright and simple, but still elegant too. I love the way they turned out.
2. Self portrait at work after a big lunch and exhausting morning.
3. Riding on the old lake bed. Fun and bumpy.
4. Lists have been dominating my life lately, it seems. And none of them are really getting checked off as they should be. I guess I’m in a little bit of a rut.
+ Riding with a helmet feels good and safe, making the whole thing more fun.
+ Many laughs and many gasps. So fun to watch these guys get into this.
+ A full day (think about 10 hours) is completely exhausting and takes about three days to recover from.
+ I am getting better at judging hills and lines we should take. I know which way Greg will probably go before we get there.
+ I feel like a little bit of a tough ass every time we ride.
+ Being dirty and dusty feels good sometimes, but the wind blowing dust straight in the face sucks.
+ Kelly took first place in his buggy. Congrats K!
+ First time doing the sushi thing – not as bad as I thought it would be!
After such an emotional and stressful week, I think we all needed a bit of a stress reliever and a recharge this weekend, and riding all day definitely did that. It’s good to get some adrenaline going sometimes to let you vent in a different way.
This is a beautiful little girl, and she was so much fun to take photos of, especially when she warmed up to me and to the idea of getting her photo taken. That shyness didn’t last long.
I work with her dad, and he absolutely adores her. But who wouldn’t?
We had such fun, and it didn’t take long to get gorgeous photos of her.
So I know Halloween was almost a week ago, and everyone is probably Halloweened out, but I am posting late as a “filler” for the day.
Jesse’s service will be this evening, and this is all the effort I can muster for the day. Everything else will be saved for being strong for Greg and his family.
Enjoy the pics of the little kiddies…in all their Halloween glory.
In The Process of Living 