Sometimes i just have nothing
worthwhile to say
so I sit and stare
at the way your mouth moves
when you smile
and the way your left pant leg
is always hiked an inch or so
higher than the right.
Gently you take
small pieces of my heart
away one at a time–
and I’ll never ask
for them back.
In the quiet daylight
I find all the things
I like most about
the love you are.
I forgot how much I could love you
in between all the hate
and the hurt
and awkward meetings.
Now that we can talk
without yelling or tears
and laugh at each other
like we did before–
I know we’re fine.
We make much better friends
than we did anything else.
I feel truly crappy today. My throat hurts. My head feels as if it might explode at any moment, and my eyes are watery to the point that I look like I’ve been crying. For someone who takes Vitamin C every day, I have been getting colds a lot lately it seems. It’s going around though, so I was just one of the unlucky ones.
I tried to go out and take photos, thinking that it would make me feel better. It didn’t.
Lots of rest and warm vanilla chai tea are in order. And a copy of Charlie St. Cloud. I started it last night, and it’s a great book so far.
Happy Saturday to the rest of you!
A year ago, the world lost a very good man.
A year ago, a little girl lost her daddy.
A year ago, a wonderful woman became the mother who never got to say goodbye.
A year ago, a brother was left behind.
A year ago, a mistake was made, and a life was taken.
A year ago, I lost someone I never knew was as important to me as he has become now.
A year ago, heaven surely received its sweetest angel.
I am thankful for….
+ my family
+ my friends
+ my job/coworkers
+ happiness
+ sunshine in my camera lens
+ the future
+ knowing that I have it pretty good.
I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving too!
I like making my own stuff, putting my own touch on the things that people see from me. Last year’s Christmas cards were thought up and done within a few days, but this year (obviously) took a little more thought and planning and time. I wanted to get them done early, and I succeeded in that part at least. Done before Thanksgiving! It’s not fun trying to throw things together at the last minute with no room for error. It just makes everything look like a big hurried mess.
I really like the ones I made this year because they’re simple, but still bright and cheery. And totally me.
I showed them to my sister, and all she could say was “Man, how do you think up this good crap??” I suppose that’s good. :)
I’ve had time recently to catch on on reading, and I have never felt so good about it. I have been working on the same book since August, and it’s time to finish it and move on. Now that I have begun to better balance work life with out-of-work life, I can get back on my list of 15 books for my 25 during 25 list.
It’s getting cold (even had a few snow flurries yesterday) so snuggling with tea and a book sounds like a great way to spend my time off.
Happy reading.
The postcard arrived and was written
sloppily in blue ink.
Some had been smeared,
the result of a sweat-ridden hand.
The words flowed together
leaving little space or energy
to decipher any meaning
–real or otherwise–
to what the wretched man
was trying to say.
I supposed it doesn’t matter.
I didn’t plan on reading
the whole thing anyway.
Just type it. Say it how it is. That’s what I need to do.
The truth is I am pretty self-concious about things. A lot of things, not just what you read on this blog. I try not to be and assure myself that nobody sees the flaws I see (no matter how big or small). I tell myself nobody judges me or looks at me weird, but in reality, they do. Sometimes they stare, trying to figure out what happened to the girl in the wheelchair. It makes me angry sometimes, but mostly it makes me feel like I have to SHOW them that I am just as normal. I know I am (minus the moving legs), but I’m constantly having to prove it to people. It’s just a thing I have.
It translates to everything in my life. The way I dress, how I present myself to people I’ve never met before, even the way I present myself on this blog. I am more vulnerable here, only because it’s more like a diary, but there is a lot that I would never write about here. Mainly because I can’t control how you receive it.
I’m trying to get away from that. Be me, just who I am, without all the guards or whatever it is I do to make myself seem anything different.
So from now on, it might get a bit messy around here, and some things might not make sense. Who knows. Maybe it will make BETTER sense.
Inside she was an old soul
who liked low lighting,
lace and poetry,
soft and sweet words
to be said for no reason at all.
She clenched
romance and resentment,
all swirled into one
creating a milkiness
in what once was
a very clear heart.
She felt strong,
for herself and no one else.
She felt tired and weary too.
She remembered often
that she was worth
whatever she wanted to be,
with the abundance of good
she could give.
She admired imperfection
and, sometimes, imbalance,
tiny things that make life
interesting.
She loved herself
even when she hated
the curly hair and big nose
imperfect skin and
everything else.
Somewhere there in the milky,
she always found love
among a mess of other things
for herself.
I wrote a poem a few days ago about myself (I’ll post it as soon as I polish it a bit) and decided that it would transition into a minibook pretty beautifully. I might just leave it out though; I haven’t decided yet. Elise did a great post in her mini class about putting books together, and it’s pretty similar to mine. Sort of throwing it together. I can’t wait to get this one done so I can show you more!
+ sleep, lots and lots of sleep.
+ clean my bedroom
+ organize craft stuff. It’s getting out of hand.
+ work on mini-book inspired by Elise‘s mini class.
+ photos of stuff. I don’t know what yet.
+ read some more of The Girl Who Played With Fire. It’s getting good!
+ watch football (of course)
+ grocery shopping. My office is in serious need of some snacks.
let’s take the future
one day at a time.
today is what we have
you and i.
when we make it through today
we can worry about tomorrow.
breathe and live
and let yourself be you
let me be me
because together
we are a dangerous combination.
Some of the most beautiful pictures I take are accidents. The light is just right, or the color turns out rich and creamy. Pure strokes of luck on my end.
I suppose that though that maybe life is funny like that, and gives us the good when we least expect so that we are grateful for it.
Expectation seems to ruin things. We get so caught up in expectation that we don’t think about how we are going to feel. The anticipation blocks that all out. Surprises make us recognize the good (or bad) that wasn’t there before.
I like un-expectations lately. A lot.
I love weekends. So so much.
Everybody else always talks about what they are doing this weekend, or what party they went to the weekend before. Me? I just want to lounge around all weekend every weekend, wear pajamas, eat junk food, and watch football.
If I could be a professional couch potato, I sure would.
Miss Mandy had the baby yesterday afternoon. I think I was asked by people at work at least 100 times throughout the day whether I had heard from her. And finally around 3 p.m., she texted me saying that she was a mommy of 4. I don’t yet have a picture of the little princess.
I am so happy for Mandy and her little family.
Here is to healthy babies and happy endings!
We had a small photo session with Mark, Ashley and the girls this weekend. Those 3 just love having their picture taken, even more when they feel like little models and have all the attention.
They’re getting pretty good at it.
I forgot I could live like this
so full and easy
floating along on happiness
totally true to myself
and the future ahead.
I might never have to
let myself down again
if things continue to go
this way.
I might never have to.
Comfort, right here, in you
to get through.
In The Process of Living 