currently:

+ loving: that it is Friday. This week has gone much faster than last week.
+ reading: Divergent. I’m trying to find time to really get into it. It’s not working.
+ listening to: A lot of Spotify. My offline playlist is so mixed! I love it.
+ eating: Almonds. Yummy, good fat.
+ drinking: Water. I have been drinking too much Dr Pepper this week.
+ planning: A honeymoon mini book. Gray chevron pages like our envelope liners. (I seem like I live my life paper project to paper project, huh?) And a new painting for my office at work. It needs some spunk.
+ missing: my engagement ring. It’s at the jeweler’s getting sized with my band (which I am equally in love with), and I feel off balance without it.
+ enjoying: the fact that my hair feels healthy again after getting it cut. Amazing what 2 inches off can do. (I can’t wait til after the wedding so I can cut 3 more inches off!)
+ craving: Panera Bread.
+ seeing: A messy desk. I must clean it before I leave today.
+ wishing: The next 36 days would go without incident. Let’s go, Wedding Day!

I am allowed.

I am allowed to have weak moments and cry for no reason.
I am allowed to be happy too.
I am allowed to lazy and hang out in my PJs all day.
I am allowed to want.
I am allowed to allowed to be angry.
I am allowed to feel beautiful.
I am allowed to hold big dreams in the palms of my hands & not know what to do with them.
I am allowed to change, if the changes are for the good.
I am allowed to allowed to display my inner nerd at times.
I am allowed to make my own decisions.
I am allowed to be by myself in the quiet for a while.
I am allowed to feel worthy.
I am allowed to love. And be loved. With all of my heart.

my wishes.

+ I wish for motivation. I am going to get the wedding done on time!

+ I wish for patience. I have to learn to go by other people’s schedules rather than only my own.

+ I wish for courage. With so many changes happening, I am going to have to get used to being brave.

+ I wish for memories. April is going to be full of so many reasons to be happy.

+ I wish for fun, to relax and fill every moment with happiness.

+ I wish for simplicity. I want to center my life around the essential people and things that I want to be a part of my future.

+ I wish for sunshine. Because sunshine makes everything better.

+ I wish for creativity. I want to crank out ideas and decide which ones I want to make available to others.

+ I wish for laughs. I love laughs.

+ I wish for inspiration. By the end of the year I will be feeling dry of ideas. I’ll need as much help as I can get.

+ I wish for understanding. I am going to be making big changes, ones that will be hard for me at first, so I am hoping for understanding on everyone else’s part.

+ I wish for comfort. Holidays and comfort go hand-in-hand.

today I know

+ I need to be stronger sometimes. I get too emotional.

+ Stress is not a good look for me, or the bags under my eyes.

+ February 18 is going to be a rough day. Darcy will be having surgery, and I’ll be right there.

+ Dreaming of my dress all day might not be productive, but I can’t help it. Lace
Love. Wedding!

+ I need a break. The day to myself, for sure. That won’t happen until well into January, I’m sure.

+ I cannot wait to be back home.

december goals.

December is going to be busy and hectic and fun. So much red and green and stripes and love. I can’t wait.

+ order wedding gown
+ have a good craft show
+ figure out timeline for wedding day
+ print invites
+ Christmas!

happy day.

Thankful lists seem to be the same every year and very similar across so many people’s blogs too. And really, we should show we are thankful more than one day a year, but of course, some people always need a reminder. This year I can add to my list because I gained a lot over the past 12 months. A whole nother family in fact.

So here’s to spending the day with some of my favorite people. I am hoping for laughs and stories and full bellies by the end of the day.

+ My friends-even when I don’t see them, they are there.
+ My family. We may not always get along, but when it’s needed, we are there. And Greg’s family because they’re so accepting.
+ Another year to be thankful. It hasn’t been the easiest few weeks, but we are getting through making the best of the days that we have.
+ Greg. Duh.
+ My job-even when it is overwhelming and I hate it.

goodbye october.

I LOVED:
+ sewing a scarf
+ selling stamps
+ designing our Christmas cards
+ helping out at the Turner Car Show
+ doing lovey dovey photo shoots
+ finishing books
+ spending time with extended family
+ getting the menu figured out
+ getting things ready for invitations
+ not having a squeaky van anymore
+ pretty and dusty leaves that smell of fall
+ a new desk at work
+ renting movies with my boo
+ listening to little girls laugh
+ making cupcakes for work friends
+ helping a friend with her costume
+ pretty sunrises
+ watching love movies
+ finally getting things DONE for the wedding
+ hot coffee and journaling

I HATED:
+ self-doubt and insecurity
+ being low on cash til payday. STRESS!
+ Ashley’s mom being sick

today i am.

+ having the ramp on the van serviced before winter.
+ eating donuts and drinking coffee.
+ blogging (not a surprise).
+ editing pictures from yesterday’s shoot.
+ journaling. My Moleskine misses me.
+ picking up invite supplies.
+ enjoying ME time.
+ dusting off my camera.
+ making more to-do lists for the wedding.
+ forgetting stress that suffocated me last week.

october goals

October is here already! This year has been blowing past, and I can’t hang onto it. I need time to slow down so that I can soak in all the good things that have happened to me since last October.

But since that won’t happen, I’ll have to settle for making big projects small, and checking things off the list:

+ engagement pictures
+ order invite stuff
+ figure out menu for wedding
+ gain at least 3 pounds

today I am…

+ getting excited for John Caparulo at The Midland tonight with my honey. So need a break from this week. John is for sure good for laughs.
+ catching up on reading (thanks to Shannon, I’m delving into the Fifty Shades trilogy) and maybe some blogging.
+ making a list of all the things left to do for the wedding.
+ brainstorming for a project for a friend’s Halloween costume.

weekend plans.

+ Clean up the land.
+ Instagram the whole thing.
+ Take lots of pictures to show you all the progress being made.
+ Relax.

today i am…

I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself. I need to stop worrying about what needs to be checked off the to-do lists, and I need to breathe.

So today I am…

+ nursing myself back to normalcy after too many shots last night.
+ taking pictures with my new lens. I love it, and I love that Greg knows me well enough to know it would be a perfect gift. (I love you, babe!)
+ reading The Night Circus.
+ indulging in sweet treats and flavored coffee.
+ planning blog posts.
+ plotting my next wedding goal. One thing at a time is working well.
+ writing in my journal. So. Need. This.
+ enjoying the immense quiet.
+ soaking up all the good things. Life is hectic and happy.

weekend plans.

+ hang out with my G. Maybe on the boat?
+ read The Night Circus.
+ stay cool. This heat is beyond ridiculous.
+ get blog posts ready for the week.
+ Script School. More about it later.
+ baby my wheelchair. The stress over this thing is overwhelming me.
+ design a print form for an upcoming team shoot.

today,

I am:
+ hanging out with my boy. Probably shooting some guns.
+ hoping for rain. A week long downpour in fact.
+ going to sign up for Spotify. Cool app for music lovers.
+ thankful for new big hair clips.
+ smiling because the week is OVER. Stress-free for 2 days.

june goals.

I was writing in my journal today and realized I haven’t posted my goals for this month. It’s been a little hectic around here lately, with so many good and bad things going on. Anyway, I’ve already accomplished a few of these, or am very close. I hope June decides to stay sunny.

+ Find a place for the wedding.
+ Get trailer off the land.
+ Design a new business card.
+ Take lunch to work 4 out of 5 days each week.
+ Catch up on ISO at work.
+ Relax.

tiny thoughts today.

+ Happy 5th birthday to Miss Makinna. I can’t believe how time has flown so fast.

+ April 27 looks like it will be THE DAY. Now to find THE PLACE.

+ Lake weekend with my boy. Hoping for a lot of fun and a little bit of color.

weekend recap.

+ My Friday nights are becoming predictable. TV and then going to bed early. Is this what becoming an adult is like?

+ Greg and I went to Mount Vernon, MO to see Angel, who was injured in April. Our first little road trip together. 6 hours both ways and somehow we were still getting along when we got back. haha. ;) It was a good trip. Angel seems to be doing really well and is one of those people who you can tell will be just fine. Paralysis doesn’t have to be the end of it all.

+ St. Louis got hammered with hail, and Greg is heading out tomorrow for work there. It will be odd to not see him for an entire week. Thankfully, it’s only 4 hours away and not 10 hours or something crazy like that. <3

+ Rain, rain, and more rain. It's dreary and tiring. I need a nap.

easy vs hard

Just looking for the silver lining lately.

Sometimes that is all I can do.

EASY: The actual day compared to my expectations.
HARD: The month leading up to 4-26.

EASY: Getting a new tattoo.
HARD: Getting used to seeing it everyday.

EASY: Feeling responsible.
HARD: Making the hard adult decisions.

EASY: Getting behind.
HARD: Working productively in a disaster area of an office.

EASY: Being in love.
HARD: Being an hour away from love all the time.

thinking about…

+ the little things. Whoever first said that they are all that matters was a wise one.

+ forgiveness. There is a point where hating someone only turns into a double-edged sword and eventually only hurts the one who hates. There is no harm in forgiveness. It doesn’t mean you have to be around that person or like them or be friends with them. It just means that you can go about your day without feeling immense fire inside if you simply see their name. There is no harm in forgiveness.

+ work. I realize I’ve let it bring me down and frustrate me beyond what I should have.

+ my need to breathe. I’m thinking of taking a ME day when the weather stays decent. My camera, my journal, and my thoughts.

+ my blog. I mean, do I really ever say anything new? It feels like I am going in circles in thought and have nothing intriguing to say anymore. I need to find some inspiration. Something, somewhere.

easy vs hard

Kal B. never ceases to amaze me. Seriously, this woman is kick ass and talented and can make you want to laugh and cry and paint something all at the same time.

Her Easy vs Hard post last week made me open my eyes to a few things, and of course, I love a good list. It made me reevaluate goals and be grateful and think about where I am going. Who know making a lil ole list could do all that, right?

Here’s mine:

EASY: falling out of my wheelchair
HARD: healing up sprains from bracing that fall

EASY: getting distracted from cleaning my messy office at work
HARD: finding that one piece of paper in a stack of papers that all look the same

EASY: wanting stuff of my wish list
HARD: saving money instead of spending money on my wish list

EASY: seeing a paycheck
HARD: waking up to go to work

EASY: loving/spoiling my nieces and nephews
HARD: watching them be hurt/scared

EASY: giving advice
HARD: accepting advice

EASY: drinking one too many beers
HARD: waking up on 3 hours of sleep after beer night

EASY: writing how I feel
HARD: saying how I feel

EASY: being a grump
HARD: not taking it out on anyone who doesn’t deserve it

2.6.2012

Today I am carrying over what is left from yesterday (and the day before) and hoping that the entire feeling can last all week. Calm and fun and comfortable and, somehow, whole.

Today I am clinging to the hope that love like this does last forever because this almost feels too good to be entirely true. He is amazing.

Today I am drowning in confidence. A man who knows how to make a woman feel sexy without even saying it is worth keeping. Again, he is amazing.

Today I am contemplating deleting my Facebook. I feel like it is clouding my days and has taken precedence over other things that are more important. At the very least, it is coming off my phone.

Today I am taking a much-needed day off. The van has to be serviced in KC, but other than that, I just need a day with quiet and my book and journal and maybe some coffee.

Today I am making plans. For what, I’m not sure. It just feels like a good day to make a long list of what needs to be done, be said, and to get my butt moving in whatever direction I need to go.

february goals.

+ Finish an entire book. (I’m on a roll lately.)
+ Save money. Eek.
+ Get something going to house. (I dread this.)
+ Write more. My journal is lonely.
+ Take more pictures. My camera is lonely too.
+ See the chicas. I haven’t had good girl talks over dinner for a while.

goodbye january.

January was a good month. It was full of laughs and love and a little bit of stress too. I managed to get a few important things done and make a lot of memories in just 31 days. It was good, and I hope it sets the tone for the rest of 2012.

Favorite things about January:
+ Waking up to 2012 with someone who loves me.
+ Feeling good about gaining weight.
+ New planner. New start.
+ Audit at work = done. And it went really well!
+ Flowers at work to cheer me up during the audit. Sigh.
+ KU win over K-State.
+ Haircut! The do was getting crazy frizzy.
+ Nuclear Cowboyz in KC with some of my favorite people.
+ Beauty and the Beast 3D with Ashley and the girls. They had so much fun.
+ Finally watched Limitless. Bradley Cooper!
+ Took much-needed time off to hang out with Raelyn.
+ Watercolors.
+ Sherlock Holmes with my boy.
+ New filing cabinet at work. It’s the little things.
+ Lots of stuff caught up at work. I’ve been a busy bee.
+ Walmart/Barnes & Noble date. Perfect.
+ Red Lyon adventures with the crew from work.
+ New poetry. It was sporadic but felt so good.
+ Making plans.

pinterest love.

I cannot get enough of Pinterest. Still. So many beautiful ideas and recipes and clothes and rooms. I can’t wait to decorate the new house with some of the gorgeous things that are floating in my head from that site. Or cook the delicious-looking food. *sigh*

+ Love this wall of shelves.

+ I want to try these chicken casseroles.

+ Ooh, or this pasta with chicken.

+ I am all about kraft stationery lately.

+ Rings that look lacy from the side. Gorgeous. Oh, or this one.

+ I am so doing this headboard…maybe not for my bedroom, but someone’s.

random things.

+ I only have a super small tv in my room because I rarely watch it.
+ I use one specific kind of mousse in my hair because everything else makes me hair crunchy.
+ Sharpie pens and Uniball Power Tank pens are my fav. Rarely use anything different.
+ I think magazines smell good. They have a unique smell.
+ Gas station door handles creep me out.
+ I have a few OCD tendencies, but I call them superstitions.
+ There isn’t much that I don’t tell my sister. Good or bad.
+ I wish I had taken better advantage of life before I started a full-time job. Like sleeping in super late.
+ Water is my favorite beverage, followed closely by Dr Pepper.
+ I think it is completely possible to love two people at one time, but it shouldn’t be acted upon.
+ I carry ibuprofen with me at all times.
+ Big watches make my arms look not-so-tiny, so that’s all I wear.
+ At work, sometimes I want to just shut my door and cry. I hate being an adult sometimes.
+ If my iPod ever craps out, I will cry harder than if my kitten had been run over.
+ I never sign up for in-store credit cards, even if they offer a discount. Credit cards are trouble.
+ I am in desperate need of an iPhone. I hope May hurries for my upgrade.
+ I wish I could BEAT THE CRAP out of someone (anyone) sometimes. I need some anger outlet or something. lol
+ Winter makes me hurt. Like, physically ache. I hate it.
+ People who stare make me nervous and piss me off.
+ I say “dude” a lot when I drink.
+ Word games are my favorite.
+ Skor candy bars are my favorite, but I rarely eat chocolate. Or candy at all.